


Near Completion

by sheepwolves



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Depression, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Neutral Route (Undertale), Post-Neutral Route - Near Genocide Ending, Suicidal Thoughts, also this isn't intended to be shippy, here have some angst, just two suffering buddies, ongoing fic, queen alphys ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-05 15:03:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 57,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6709717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheepwolves/pseuds/sheepwolves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This takes place in the Queen Alphys ending after halting a genocide route at the last second. Alphys now rules the underground and Sans helps her out. Together, the old friends hang out and have a dandy time being misery buddies since everyone’s dead now.</p><p>Watch this to get some context if you haven’t heard the phone call in the Queen Alphys ending (its less than 2 minutes):<br/>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7NJ6dIjV_U</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. welcome to sad nerds club

**Author's Note:**

> alrighty, lets start this sucker off <3 its gonna be a long fic

"You're sure about this?" He asked, a finger hovering over the call button. 

She fiddled with her claws nervously, shaking slightly in the frigid night air. The wind was worse from upon the balcony, though the height provided for an ethereal view of the kingdom. Overlooking a such a calm, sleeping city gave the illusion that nothing had happened, like nothing could ever disturb a place so peaceful. 

Alphys stiffly forced a solemn nod. "I can't... I can't keep going without some sort of closure." She spoke softly with an underlying quavering in her voice that one who didn’t know her so well might mistake for uncertainty. But no. She was dead-set on doing this, and he didn’t understand why, but he respected her wish nonetheless. 

It was around a month after the kid left, and since then their kill count proved to be an inaccurate measure of the amount of lives they took. The underground itself felt dead and empty. The void left by the human and what they stole felt like a thickness in the air, a sickness you couldn’t see but it surrounded you- engulfed you. It was heavy and overwhelming at times if you weren’t used to it. It clung to your thoughts, to your very soul like a parasite that sapped away the happiness that used to flood the underground. It wasn’t as if there weren’t problems before, but this was so, so much worse- dangerous even. Living in such soul crushing sickness was how monsters fell down. 

Sans was not an optimistic person, but sometimes he tried to remind himself that things could’ve ended differently. They could have killed everyone. 

It never helped.

He turned back to the phone. "As long as you're sure. I'm not talking to them though."

"I know."

He paused for a moment, glancing towards the scientist, noting her unmistakable determination, then pressed the button and waited as the phone tried to connect. 

"...Alright, I've got the number."

He didn't stick around. Just touching the phone made him feel sick knowing who was on the other end. He was just getting up to leave and give Alphys some privacy when she expressed her hatred for the human. In all the years he'd known her, not once had he heard such a darkness in her tone. Not that it was unjustified or even surprising, but merely memorable and disturbing seeing the depth of her devastation. She began pouring her heart out into the receiver in a way he wouldn't even with his friends, much less someone so, so evil. But she pressed on, and he couldn't stand hearing her anymore. It hurt knowing she was in such pain. Perhaps the worst most gut-wrenching thought was that she was just like everyone else. He was just like everyone else. No one had been left untouched by the human's brief yet calamitous reign of terror. No one hadn’t felt the sickness.

He exhaled, absentmindedly feeling along the drawstring of his jacket as he wandered into his new bedroom, then tossed himself onto the bed, mildly surprised when he didn’t hear the creak of worn out springs under his weight. Even after a few weeks of being there, he was still adjusting to life at the castle. It was nice. He'd worked hard for a big house when he lived with his brother, but the castle was so much vaster. He sometimes wondered what his brother would think of this place. His mind wandered and he again imagined his brother's excited, innocent reaction to seeing the castle. It hurt, so he stopped. At his own expense, he'd become rather good at forcing down emotion. Dwelling in the past just wasn't gonna work, and at the same time there was nowhere to move forward to; it was more just staying in the same place and not being dragged backwards at this point- just waiting around for a probable reset.

Living with Alphys was also nice, and for a few reasons. They had both lost people they'd built so much of their life around, so they could wordlessly understand each other. They'd known each other for years anyway so it was far easier to have each others backs since they’d had so much practice in the past.

He laid there, staring mindlessly up at the ceiling with one arm dangling off the edge of the bed while he waited for her to come back inside. He wanted to sleep off everything he was feeling or wasn’t feeling, but intended to make sure she was alright first. Sure enough, she wasn't. 

After ten minutes of her not coming inside, he got up out of bed and headed back outside to be greeted by the gentle breeze that seemed to radiate around the castle constantly. He found her right where he left her, no longer speaking, just holding the phone in a shaking claw. She didn’t look up as he approached, perhaps not even noticing.

"You okay?" He asked quietly, gently touching her shoulder.

Alphys didn't reply at first and just kept staring at the phone like she didn’t even notice him. Then she murmured in the tone of an uncertain child, "I-It's kind of my fault. I could have stopped them. I should have killed them."

He could relate to that, but the human would’ve just kept coming back. He wanted to tell her there was no point- that the human could not die. But…

"It's no more your fault than mine. What's important now is working with the situation, so there's no need to torture yourself over what you did and didn't do. Right now, you're keeping this world together along with the hopes of everyone within it. Don't you think that counts for something?"

She sniffed and wiped away some tears with the back of her claw. "Thank you... you know I- I couldn't do this without you. I really appreciate you." She said, and it felt good, both to be appreciated and for some sort of brief positivity in the midst of their bleak predicament. Even for just a moment, it seemed to cut through the fog of sickness, and it was a reminder that at least they had each other.

"Heh, ditto Alph. C'mon, let’s watch something.” He said, nodding towards the door back inside. “We can pretend we're getting teary-eyed over a dumb movie." 

She laughed weakly and followed him inside, still swiping away fresh tears and made a mental note to work on maintaining her composure since it was one thing having a breakdown in front of a friend and another in front of hundreds of citizens relying on you to be the strong one.

If they were in better moods they might have gathered all their pillows and blankets and thrown them together in a heap to serve as their bed for the movie, but it was well into the night and they were both wracked with physical and mental exhaustion that lead them to settle on the couch instead. Alphys huddled on the far end, knees hugged to her chest, and assured him she didn’t mind which movie he picked, so he went for whichever looked the cutest and popped it into the player. 

“Which one is this?” She asked watching as he took a seat on the polar end of the sofa, kicking his legs out into the space between them. 

“Didn’t read the title.” He murmured sleepily. “It’s got a cat on the cover though.” Shutting his eyes, he curled up best he could before falling asleep within the first ten minutes.


	2. i hope this time jump works okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so we're swoosing backwards for now and switching perspectives in the middle ;u; its not very graceful i know

(1 month ago)

Undyne was enraged, voice edged with fear as she yelled things that went through one ear and out the other. Alphys was desperately trying to calm her down despite being on the verge of a breakdown herself. He should step in, but he was too tired. It wasn’t really any of his business anyway. From what he could gather Undyne wanted to go out and kill the human while Alphys was terrified she'd be killed and wanted to stop her. He wasn't paying attention, he couldn’t bring himself to care. He ran his fingers over the crimson fabric, noting the tear from where the weapon had hit. Such innocence didn't deserve that.

Maybe he was wrong, maybe he could’ve stopped it. Somehow convinced his brother to run. He was snatched back into reality when the warrior called his name. 

"Aren't you angry? Don't you want him to be avenged?" She yelled, compelled by a newfound fury and desperation. They were wasting precious time that didn’t actually matter, but she needed Alphys to understand and to help when she couldn’t really do anything to make a difference.

Sans took his time, pondering over the question, the words themselves having no initial meaning. They were just background noises until he stopped and tried to think of an answer. Of course he was angry. Of course he wanted justice. But she was not allowed to use his brother as an excuse for it. Papyrus wouldn’t want the human to die, especially not on this idea of ‘avenging’ him.

"Don't you care at all?" She barked, marching towards him before Alphys grabbed her by the arm and held her back.

"P-please, stop! Please leave him alone, right now-" She cried in desperation, voice cracking in the midst of her begging.

"Care?" He repeated, suddenly drawn out of his haze, a flicker of anger sparking in his chest. He glanced up at the two and shrugged. "No, not really. All the human did was murder my brother. No biggie." 

They had good intentions, sure, but they didn’t get it. They didn’t understand that none of them could do a thing- that the human would just keep coming to get whatever it was they wanted, because they could not combat determination. They didn’t understand that his brother truly believed in some good in the human, whether it was there or not. They didn’t understand how little hope there actually was, knowing how this timeline was bound to end.

Undyne faltered for a moment before her expression contorted back into an enraged mask, teeth bared and eye nearly glowing. "You especially should be on my side in this!" She barked, and the two went on talking about something he didn’t bother listening to. When he heard the automatic door slide shut, he decided to leave. There was no point in staying anymore. He needed to watch the human and he didn’t want to see his friend’s devastation when the human killed Undyne.

He stuffed the scarf into his pocket, let Alphys know he'd be back, and left to Waterfall.

...  
“Alphys, look at me!” Undyne placed her hands firmly on the other’s shoulders. Alphys was wringing her claws together, vision blurring with hot tears. She didn’t want to look up. If she did, she felt it would be confirming something, like telling Undyne it was okay to go and she didn’t want her to go. After her moment of refusal as if it could stop the inevitable, she felt cold fingers cup beneath her chin and tilt her head upward with surprising gentleness. Undyne’s gaze was very nearly hysteric, silently pleading her to listen, and she knew then that whatever Undyne had to say, she would have to go along with it. Even if it meant accepting the unthinkable. Undyne’s grip tightened and a new, determined tension came across her expression. “Alphys I have to go fight them. I can’t just stay here and play it safe while people are dying! Even if all I’m doing is stalling, it’s worth it!”

“I-I… y-you’re right, I c-can’t just do n-nothing either…” She bit down hard on her lip and pressed her palms into her eyes, forcing away the tears. She had to be brave, like Undyne. She had to help. No more doing nothing. “I-I’ll watch you fight. If a-anything g-goes wrong, then I’ll evacuate everyone…I’ll t-tell Asgore to absorb the souls.” 

“Good…” She murmured, grip loosening slightly around Alphys’ shoulders. Cutting through the wave of panic, she forced a toothy grin meant to be reassuring. Instead Alphys felt another wave of tears coming on at the thought of never seeing that grin again. 

“Trust me. I’m going to end this.” Undyne said, and suddenly her touch was gone as she got to her feet and stormed out the door. God, she hoped she was right.

To make matters worse, Sans decided to head out, but after what happened to his brother, she was in no place to tell him otherwise. She wasn’t sure she if wanted him to stay anyway if things…went wrong.

…

It happened as expected. Sans couldn’t tell how many times the human died, but surely it took a while. Undyne was not to go down easy, simply refusing to die after the kid killed her once and reformed in a way he didn’t know possible. Her strength and willpower pulled her body back together and magnified themselves for the sole purpose of giving the kid hell, yet it wasn’t enough. It could never be enough. 

The kid seemed to have memorized her every move, dodging and deflecting the hurricane of spears, expressionless but bore a menacing glint in their eye that made his blood run cold. 

When it was all over, they towered over Undyne’s dust for a few moments, examining the heap the way one may stop to glance at flowers on the side of the road, then passed through without a second thought, wisps of bone white sand catching in the wind like the seeds of a dandelion. No mercy. 

They were still going for it. 

He didn’t go back to the lab for a long time, not wanting to see the damage. After carrying out what she’d promised Undyne, Alphys probably wanted to be alone anyway, so he kept watching.

…

A miracle happened. 

It was by no means mercy, but it was close enough to stop the disaster from coming when the human showed some hesitation in murdering Mettaton. 

Apparently in the time he was gone, Alphys had made some last minute improvements to Mettaton intended to eliminate the human. It didn’t work, of course it would never work, but by some crazy happening the human hesitated. It wasn’t redemption or even close to kindness, but it was enough to save this timeline, and enough that he wouldn’t have to fight.

His brother was right in holding out some hope in that disgusting human, because that faint, faint glimmer of a good person was all that was needed to prevent complete destruction, but it was also the only thing that could have. So long as the human stayed determined, there was absolutely nothing anyone could’ve done to stop them had they wanted to destroy the world. They could die an infinite number of times and keep coming back. All fighting them would do was slow them down. Thus, clinging to the hope that maybe they aren’t entirely an evil, merciless abomination, then they were safe from complete annihilation. 

It didn’t change the fact that he hated them to the very core of his being, however.

At least he still had a friend who did too.

They could be bitter and miserable together.  
…

“God, I can’t do this.” She a strangely subdued tone, head in her hands, hunched shoulders shaking slightly. It was as if she was barely holding herself together and a single wrong move would burst the dam. “I… I wish I was dead.” 

He didn’t know what to do. A bit uncertainly, he laid a hand on her shoulder in a hopefully comforting gesture. “Hey, c’mon, you can handle this. I know you can. You’ve been running things for years as the royal scientist, so you’re no stranger to responsibility…” He hesitated, wanting so badly to just fix this for her. “And you’re not alone in this, if that helps at all. We’ll be partners again, just like old times and get through it together, alright?”

“Thank you…” Her voice sounded frail, like every word was thin glass. “I’m glad you want to stick with me through this. I-I don’t know what I’d do without you. But… How could everything go wrong so fast? I-I-I should’ve…” She murmured, trailing off, voice starting to shake with the onset of tears. 

He didn’t have the heart for this.

“Look, things are looking pretty grim, but people are relying on you.” He said, choosing his words carefully. “You can’t let them down, and you won’t so long as you keep doing what you’re doing.”

She let out a painful sob she tried and failed to hold back, then dragged in a shuddering breath to gain some composure. “I-I know… I’ve got this responsibility now, and I c-can’t hide a-anymore… I-I just… God, how do you do it?” She asked, peeking out from behind her hands at him. “I can’t even function and y-you’re just so… calm I guess?”

He couldn’t say it was because he saw it coming, or that he’s seen it before, or that he knows time is going to loop back at some point, or that because of this he so thoroughly stopped caring that even his own brother’s death doesn’t have the effect that it should. So he said nothing and gave her a one armed hug. 

“Y-you should be the one r-r-ruling, n-not me...”

“Trust me, no one would want to see that.”


	3. sweet meme dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and we're swoosing back to the present right where chapter 1 left off <3 short chapter this time

The movie ended too soon. As opposed to sitting in near silence, Alphys followed up with some anime, relishing in the surprisingly relaxing atmosphere they’d achieved. The warm darkness, the murmuring television and the comfy couch brought about a perfectly mindless moment. There was no stress, nothing to think about for now. It felt silly, but she didn’t want to waste the night by falling asleep. Times where she felt alright were all too rare. It wouldn’t last, she knew, but Alphys was determined to elongate it, much like hitting the snooze button in the morning. Eventually she would have to wake up, but not then.

Even if Sans wasn’t awake to watch with her, it was nice to be in his company, listening to his rhythmic breathing when things felt too quiet and glancing over for reassurance to see he was, in fact, still there. 

It was nice not to be alone. She’d grown used to it working as the royal scientist, but the gaping, aching void ripped open by the human was something entirely new. It felt like she was drowning and Sans was all she had left to hold on to. 

Years had passed since they worked together, but they’d been close in the past. Of course, things were different now. Ideally they could get to see each other again not under such undesirable circumstances, but she was immensely grateful for his company nonetheless. 

A pang of sorrow flickered within her chest as it struck her that he was the only friend she had left. Frighteningly recently, she had been plagued with the delusion that all her friends would hate her or leave her if they looked too close and saw all the cracks in her fragile façade. She’d been living like brittle, breaking glass ready to shatter at the slightest touch.

All the lies she’d desperately been holding together had inhibited her from moving forward. It was only now that she realized she was not cut out for lying, and it was only now she longed to tell them things she’d no longer had the chance to.

With the weight of that thought, she felt her eye lids grow heavy. A faint, throbbing sadness having encompassed her, she no longer felt the need to stay up and enjoy the ambience and was finally willing to surrender herself to sleep before she noticed an odd blue glow in the corner of her eye. 

Alphys sat up quickly, mind cleared and heart racing with surprise to find Sans, still asleep and curled up comfortably, but a piercing bluish flame-like something coming from his still-closed eye.

She inhaled sharply, reaching a claw to her mouth in alarm, unsure if she should wake him up or be worried at all. Maybe this was a normal occurrence for skeletons. Either way, she wanted to watch.

The magic started dim as a candle in comparison to the flashing television, but began to climb upwards like steam rising, providing enough illumination to reveal his expression becoming more tense and distressed with each passing second. 

That was enough for her.

Hopping from her seat, she hurried to the other end of the couch, took his arm, and gave him a shake. 

“Sans!”

He let out a startled gasp as his eyes flew open, pinprick pupils bright and constricted in his sockets. Upon seeing Alphys, his bewildered expression relaxed a bit, the tension and fear leftover from the dream draining in a moment.

"Oh. Uh, thanks for waking me. Bad dream." Sans pressed his palms to his eyes, dragged in a shaky breath, and let it out in an exhausted sigh. "The underground ran out of ketchup. Just one big tomato shortage. Absolutely horrifying." He murmured, voice clipped.

"I-Is that so?" She wouldn’t say it, but she was a little annoyed he would lie so blatantly, yet couldn't blame him for not wanting to talk about it either. It was none of her business she supposed. "What was going on with your eye?"

"What?"

"When you were having that nightmare, your left eye started...” Uncertainty passed over her expression as she waved a claw around vaguely, searching for an accurate description. “uh, g-glowing?"

He paused for a moment, a faint crease forming between his eyes. "Huh.” He graced her a shrug. “I didn't notice. It was a pretty, uh, vivid dream." 

“Are you okay?” 

He didn’t answer. Instead he just sat up, tucked his knees to his chest, and directed a tired stare at his bare feet. She hugged him wordlessly. Seeing he wasn’t willing to talk about it, she felt around for a loose blanket hanging over the back of the couch and wrapped it around him.

He curled his bony fingers around the edges of the blanket and brought them close like a winter coat. “Thanks Alph,” 

“Yeah sure.” She said with a weak smile and bumped his forehead with her own. “Do you wanna stay up or try to sleep again maybe? I’ve still got some anime playing, I was going to- I m-mean, I could stay up and finish a few episodes.”

Sans let out a soft sigh, glancing blankly over to the TV. In the reflection of the glow, he looked older and more worn down than she remembered. 

She wondered if she looked the same. 

“Nah, no thanks. I’m just gonna try and get some shut eye.” He was quiet for a moment before his eyes trained on her. “You’re gold, you know that?”

That was a surprise. It shouldn’t have been, but she still hadn’t expected it. 

“Th-thanks,” Feeling a guilty spark of joy at the compliment, she couldn’t hold his gaze, unable to suppress something between a grin and grimace. “That’s real nice of you to say, but I really d-don’t deserve it.”

“Yeah you do.” She heard a rustle of cloth and shift in weight as Sans laid back onto couch with a grunt. “Sweet dreams, Alph.”


	4. bet you wish you didn't bs speech class

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im trying to get a chapter out every saturday so today i spent all day revising this sucker <3 u know if alphys didn't stutter when she got nervous it would save me a whole lot of trouble

During his rule, Asgore had consistently scheduled a monthly address to inform the average citizen on current events within the underground. Whether the news was good or bad, it brought along with it a sense of safety and control to the people as opposed to being left to guess. 

With a twinge of guilt, Alphys remembered the tone of frantic panic and confusion in the letters she’d received from the families of the amalgamates whilst she still foolishly tried to cover up their existence. It should never have happened, but she had learned that keeping people in the dark was wrong and detrimental for everyone, and as ruler she would not corrupt the kingdom with lies just to free her own conscious.

How childish. How irredeemably selfish.

No matter how much she wanted to hide her face, to stop and never start again, she had an entire kingdom to look out for now. If she did not possess the inner strength to push past her own pain and be the figurehead and leader for a kingdom in desperate need of someone much stronger than she had ever been, then she had to fake it until she learned how to better herself. 

Thus far, she had modeled her style of ruling after Asgore and attempted to be the ray of hope he always was, especially in times of turmoil. Throughout his rule, Asgore has consistently been a reminder of the light at the end of the tunnel through his altruistic and sociable nature towards the people whilst upholding his vow to bring down the barrier someday and free them all. Now, that hope was extinguished without a single human soul and horrific amounts of literal and figurative life having been robbed from the underground- the great king’s guidance was needed more than ever before.

Alphys was no Asgore. Everyone knew she was not and could never be Asgore, it just wasn’t within her nature, but she would try her best for the sake of everyone because they thought she was enough, nonetheless. This meant embracing all the honesty, openness, and selflessness that he had, and oh god, it was the hardest thing she’d ever had to do, but she could not afford to fail. There was just too much as stake for failure to be an option as it had so graciously been in the past. Letting down the entire kingdom in a time of such despairing need was unthinkable, and she would force herself to become a better person if never for herself, then for them.

As for the monthly address, Alphys decided to continue the tradition despite having to shove past crippling anxiety and speak to a massive crowd of people she desperately wanted to please. It would have been easier had she no time to think about it, but instead she had been preparing for weeks, religiously reciting what she would say and writing and rewriting it all out over sweat-soaked notecards.

Since her promise that there would be an address on the first of the following month, the dreaded judgement day had arrived preceding a restless, anxious night and bleary-eyed morning of sitting alone at the kitchen table reading over the cards she’d memorized ages before. 

Her heart jumped a bit as distant chimes rang out from the grandfather clock in the hallway- one of Asgore’s decorations. It wasn’t too loud or too quiet, just enough to be a convenient reminder. She rested her eyes for a moment, counting out six chimes- she must’ve been sitting there for an hour. Perhaps she should take a break.

Sliding out of her seat, Alphys went to brew some coffee, claws clicking along the tile floor. Coffee wasn’t great for anxiety, she knew, but waking up took priority. The exaggerated image of her slurring words together and being unable to properly form sentences in front of the entire kingdom was enough to convince her of such. Plus a hot drink sounded nice. 

The gurgling of the coffee maker meant she had a few minutes to kill before it was done, so what better way to spend her time than relentlessly pouring herself into her speech notes again?

Alphys let out a huff as she sat herself back down, clinging to the thought that this would all be over in a few hours. Maybe her queenship too if she messed up badly enough.

The soft clap of slippers let her know Sans was awake. Casting a glance over her shoulder, sure enough he came wandering into the kitchen, looking fairly bedraggled and even more exhausted than when he’d gone to bed. He waved sleepily.

“Hi,” She said with as warm a smile as she could manage. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Like a log,” He yawned and eyed the cards spread across the table. “Been up for long?”

“Uh, not too long I think. A bit over an hour maybe.” She said, watching him head straight for the pot of fresh coffee, pull open the cabinet door and fish out two mugs. He set them down with a clink against the counter and began filling them before a sudden moment of realization passed over his expression. 

He turned back to Alphys, “Oh, is today the address?”

“Yeah… my nerves kind of kept me up eheh,” She said, scratching the back of her neck and returned her attention to the cards. “Ughh, I don’t want to do this.”

“You’re gonna do just fine, Alph. Everyone out there loves you,” Sans said shuffling over to the table and placed the mugs on either side. Breakfast would be nice, she thought vaguely, but the only thing lying around that didn’t need to be cooked was cold, stale toast left out from the day before. Procrastinating on buying groceries had finally caught up to them. Just another thing to add to the growing list of responsibilities. “Besides, if things get too much just hand the mic to me and I can finish up. No biggie, alright?”

“Yeah… and thank you.” Alphys traced a finger absently along the rim of her mug, chin propped in her spare hand. Her mind was still fuzzy from sleep and it was somewhat concerning she couldn’t guarantee it would clear up in time for her speech, even with the coffee.

Sans pulled out a chair and took the seat opposite her, silent but eyed her as if expecting her to do a trick. She had her eyes glued to her notes but felt his gaze anyway, and though the feeling wasn’t justified, she found it a little annoying. There wasn’t anything he couldn’t already figure out, but he waited anyway for her to say something so she caved rather than continue to sit in silence.

“I-it’s just, you know, what if my policies suck and they don’t like me anymore?” She said, inwardly cringing at how child-like she sounded. “O-or if I mess up or get too nervous and l-let you talk, w-what if they don’t take me seriously anymore, l-like I can’t do anything for myself?” She intensified her stare down at the notecards, making a show of being invested in their contents.

He hummed, leaning back in his chair. The movement sloshed a bit of coffee onto the sleeves of his jacket adding to the mural of stains accumulated since he’d last washed it, though he didn’t seem to notice. “That won’t happen, but hypothetically let’s say it does. Worst case scenario- they don’t want you to be queen anymore,” She finally tore her gaze away from the cards in time to catch him shrug. “Okay. You didn’t want to in the first place and you’ve got the job as royal scientist to fall back on. You tried your best and they didn’t like it, which is not your problem. But like I said, that won’t happen,” He said, and for a moment she wondered if he meant it or was demonstrating his exceptional ability to fake confidence.

“Here’s how I think it’s gonna go down,” Sans continued. “You’re gonna give the address, they’re gonna love you and your policies, then we order takeout and watch anime as a treat for a job well done. Piece ‘o cake.”

Taking it all into consideration like that helped at least a little. Of course, he’d glossed over some of the more undesirable details of failure for the sake of comfort, but she appreciated it nonetheless.

“Y-you’re right.” Alphys smiled weakly, going back to the notecards. “I guess when you put it that way it seems easy.” She inhaled, trying to immerse herself in the thought. There was nothing to worry about. Things would go fine. 

Oh god, she was so bad at lying. 

With a frustrated groan, she slid a claw over her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose. “What’s it like t-to not be nervous all the time?”

He shrugged again-it was becoming his trademark. “I guess embracing apathy has its perks, but caring is part of what makes you such a good ruler, and that’s something I could never pull off. So, maybe think of it as a strength instead of a weakness.” 

Her heart felt a little lighter at that. She had always been firm on the fact that she was not a good ruler, but words of praise helped. It was a reassuring thought, and she needed those like a plant needed water. 

Sans brought his mug up to his mouth, exhaling softly. “Still, I think there’s gotta be a nice balance between being an anxious wreck and blatant indifference.” He said, pointing lazily to her then himself in turn.

Alphys laughed a little, finally taking her eyes off the notecards. “That’s true. Opposites attract you know? Maybe we’ll cancel out each other’s baggage and become f-functional?”

Echoing her laughter, he raised his mug to her, “Here’s to being miserable together.”

They clinked mugs and took a simultaneous sip, and for just a second, things were alright. For just a second, maybe they were gonna make it out okay.

“Ugh,” Alphys said, pulling a face. “This is black. You don’t even put milk in yours?”

“Nope.”

“W-well I guess that makes sense coming f-from the guy who chugs ketchup.”

They had another ten minutes to mull over coffee before the hour drew near and Alphys had to get ready. She headed to the bathroom and took a quick shower so as not to look like garbage in front of the whole kingdom, threw on something nice (not a hoodie and sweats), and spent the rest of her free time going over her notes for the umpteenth time before Sans let her know a crowd had gathered outside and the grandfather clock sang from the hallway once again.

She swallowed, shakily stuffing her notes into her pocket. Feeling as if walking towards her execution, she shuffled towards the balcony and caught a glimpse of the audience before her.

A sweat began to break out over her forehead, and she wondered if the dryness in her mouth would affect her voice at all. The dread in her stomach seemed to weigh enough to keep her jello-legs firmly grounded. Mind effectively turned to static, she vaguely wondered how she was supposed to do this when she couldn’t move her feet?

Something hard and cold clasped her hand, drawing her back into reality, and she glanced over to see Sans gently tugging her along with a reassuring smile.

“C’mon Alph, you’ve got this, it’s no biggie. If it helps you can picture them all in their underwear.” He let her go and slid open the glass door leading to the balcony and handed her the mic with his free hand, switching it on with a flick of his thumb. “I heard that makes it easier.”

Some part of her mind was a caged animal frantically trying to escape, to hide like she used to, so she chose to muffle the instinct, keeping in mind that this was not for herself. Without thinking, she threw her arms around Sans in a quick hug, murmuring a quiet thank you, then took the mic like a sword and forced herself to step onto the battlefield.

Oh god, there were so many people. So many faces, so many judging eyes.

Upon her entrance the general chatter of the crowd died down as attention was focused on her. She could feel it, like some unseen presence clutching at her frightened soul, but from the moment she’d accepted the throne, it became too late to give in to its chilling grasp.

She’d been pausing for too long. Opening her mouth, she forced herself to speak.

“Ah… h-hello everyone I… um, thank you all for attending my f-first monthly address.” With a nervous jump of her heart, she realized her voice was too high and quavering to pull off the authoritative tone she was aiming for. “I-I’m going to p-preface by l-letting you all know I-I’m not going to d-discuss w-what happened w-with the human since th-there isn’t much that needs to be said other than that we’re all still recovering. B-but I really think that we can get through all this so long as we j-just take it a day at a time and h-hold out hope for the future.” 

To her pleasant surprise, approving murmurs resonated from the crowd. Perhaps her audience was not out to get her. Apparently support existed beyond just Sans.

Seizing the momentary relief, she referenced her notes only to find her claws were shaking too badly to read them, an obstacle she hadn’t foreseen. Jumbled bits of her speech proved to be all she could recall, her mind having blanked with panic. She didn’t have the time to linger on the wasted hours creating the diligent outline of exactly what she had to say and instead resorted to winging it. 

“S-so anyway, regarding t-the current events, the r-royal guard i-is um… I-I haven’t chosen a new h-head of t-t-the guard, and w-we’re lacking in members anyway s-so… for now matters concerning the guard are t-to be handled at the castle. By me I mean, a-at least for now. Ah…” She quickly glanced over the crowd, searching for some sort of reaction, subconsciously tapping her fingers against the rail guarding the balcony. 

“I-if you want a place in the guard or as a sentry c-come to the castle and I can t-try and find a job for you. In addition I-I’m developing a new defense m-mechanism t-to guard against a-any future humans coming into the underground, um… so because of that, I-I’d like to introduce the new policy of a-avoiding the human, should you ever see one- j-just flee and contact the c-castle immediately b-because th-there’s no need to risk your life fighting one wh-when I’m making something t-to easily um… t-take care of the human. N-not take care as in l-like care for! I-I mean like, kill them.” She added unnecessarily, and yet the audience burst into applause, turning her face a rosy pink.

“O-oh, uhm, th-thank you?” A shy smile tugged at her lips as the noise died down. “S-so uh… o-on to the next topic… um… th-the amalgamates…” She swallowed. This was the part she’d been dreading the most- it meant coming to a final recognition of her mistakes and acknowledging the person she used to be, despite wishing to pretend her past self never happened. She could feel Sans staring at her, silently offering himself up for this part, but she felt it only right to do so herself. She couldn’t hide from her mistakes again, and it was hardly new information anyway. Before being crowned queen, Alphys had chosen to release the amalgamates, unable to stand the guilt of taking over the entire underground with a sheet thrown over such a huge secret, and yet the people had accepted her anyway. She owed them this.

Taking a deep breath, she continued, “A-as you all know, the amalgamates a-are now living amongst us, th-they’re back with their families… s-so I’d like to remind everyone that they are to be treated as normal monsters. They’re of no danger to you. I-I’d like to…to apologize again and t-take responsibility for wh-what happened… and let it be known that nothing like that will come about again, a-and I appreciate the support from you all, s-so…” To her utter bewilderment, there was a shout from the crowd.

“Wait, so are we getting a new royal scientist?” Someone yelled, hands cupped over their mouth. It wasn’t so much the question, but the sudden informality that shocked her. The question wasn’t even regarding the amalgamates, and she hadn’t planned on discussing the royal scientist either. Yet again, her careful planning was derailed.

“Oh?” She said, a crease forming between her brows. “Uh… I-I guess I d-didn’t mean that I’d g-give up the role of ‘royal scientist’ b-because I…I haven’t picked out a new one? J-just that there won’t be any more crazy experiments haha…” Nervousness was beginning to bubble over and turn her speech into a ramble. “I-I figured I’d just take that responsibility on as well…? S-speaking of which, if anyone w-would like to volunteer to help move s-some of the l-lab equipment to the castle, l-let me know aha…” 

Once more throwing off her attempts to get the speech back on track, a hand shot up in the crowd. She didn’t know she’d be taking questions but called on them anyway.

“Please don’t overwork yourself, your highness! That sounds like sooo much responsibility taking on the guard and scientist and queen! Are you sure that’s all okay?”

She blinked, speechless with surprise at the sweet sentiment. Then, casting the speaker a coy grin they probably couldn’t see, she said, “Thank you for the concern, t-that’s so nice of you, b-but I’m not taking it all on a-alone. I have an uh…. R-royal assistant?” Then dropping her voice down to a murmur added, “Is that a thing?”

“Like a king?” Someone retorted, following which there was a sort of uproar, not of distress but excitement.

“N-no, no, not a king, nothing like that!” She waved her hands frantically, formality now completely thrown out the window as she desperately tried to shut the idea down before anyone got their hopes up. “W-we aren’t married or anything, j-just a f-friend!”

There was a movement in the corner of her eye. She turned to see Sans leaning over the balcony and wave lazily to the crowd. “Heya, just me.”

The uproar continued now mixed with confused undertones as a good portion of the audience threw out a hand and started waving back. She had forgotten Sans was fairly popular within the underground, everyone seemed to know him in some way. He had had a job at MTT resort’s restaurant even, and was just generally well known and liked, so of course it would be interesting to see him suddenly taking such a high ranking positon had this been all she knew about him, which apparently was the case for most everyone in the audience. 

Perking up a little, she plowed forward, tasting the end of this ordeal drawing near. “Y-yeah, you all know Sans, s-so uh-” 

“Is he a jester?”

“A royal advisor?”

“A-advisor?” She echoed, glancing at Sans, who shrugged. “Alright then, h-he’s my royal advisor. C-cool,” Scattered approving claps ensued. While it seemed pointless, people sure seemed to like the idea of assigning some position to Sans rather than just knowing him as ‘the royal guy’. It was probably comforting, she imagined, seeing a friendly face in the castle as well. “S-so uh… that’s all I think…h-have a good day, and thanks for coming?”

Applause erupted once more, now meshed with encouraging shouts and whoops she took as a sign she did okay. Alphys flicked the mic off with a shivering hand, sweet relief coursing through her veins like the adrenaline fueling her speech, effectively blanking her mind from the time she left the balcony to collapsing face first on the living room couch. She let out a muffled groan into the pillow while the shock of what she’d just been through set in rather than calming her down. 

“Hey, guess who just successfully gave a speech to the entire kingdom?” A deep voice said from somewhere above her.

She groaned again.

“You did. And everyone still loves you.” 

“T-that sucked.”

“The experience or your speech itself?”

“Ughhhh….” She rolled over so he could hear her properly, draping an arm over her eyes. “B-both.”

He crossed his arms and placed them on the top of the backrest, leaning over to look down at her. “Well everyone else thinks you did fantastic.”

Alphys said nothing and just stared at the blackness behind her eyelids. How the hell was she supposed to do this every month? How was she supposed to keep all these responsibilities down in general?

The defense mechanism she promised had barely been started and was partially still in the blueprints stage, it was only a matter of time before people would start wondering when that was coming. On top of that, even with Sans’ help, she did have all the jobs of the royal scientist to keep in check such as Core maintenance (which meant regular visits to Hotland) and studying any useful human artifacts that happened to fall down and using them to develop the underground’s technology. The royal guard was very nearly disbanded, but as makeshift-head of the royal guard she also had to assign roles to anyone who signed up and keep them occupied. In her mind, she didn’t have much of an option for the time being. Maybe in the future some suitable replacements would step forward. 

It was a nice thought, anyway.

She felt a weight shift on the back of the couch as Sans rested his head on his arms. “Wanna take a nap? You’ve earned a break,” But no sooner had the words left his mouth than the doorbell rang. Alphys sat up quickly, not wanting to keep whoever it was waiting, but Sans was already on his way for the door. “I’ve got it.”

Alphys watched until he was out of sight, then hugged her knees to her chest and listened, unable to make out anything more coherent than murmurs. She guessed that whoever was at the door was just some citizen wanting to talk. Asgore had done away with formality and always left the castle open for anyone to come in and talk to him, but that was something she just couldn’t do. It had come as a bit of a surprise at first when she instead locked the castle doors. Even at her best, she couldn’t handle so much interaction on a daily basis. Now that she was at the lowest she’d ever been, all opening the castle up to the public would do was let everyone know how big a mess she is and how much worse she is than Asgore. 

She rested her eyes and leaned her head against the couch, feeling the beginnings of a migraine throbbing behind her eyes, possibly the result of skipping breakfast and not sleeping. Sans was right, she should take a nap.

“Hey Alph,” 

Alphys jumped, suddenly yanked from her half asleep state as if Sans had screamed. She peeked over the backrest, a hand pressed to her heart and found him leaning into the room. “Oh h-hey, who was at the door?”

“A couple of guys volunteered to help move some of the lab stuff to the castle,” He said, jabbing a thumb behind him. “I’m gonna head to Hotland with them and figure out what to take with us, do you wanna come? Just figured I’d ask, but you can just let me know if there’s anything specific you want us to bring back if you need some shut-eye.” 

“T-that’s so thoughtful, I didn’t think anyone would actually want to help, “ She said earnestly, tapping a claw to her mouth in thought. “I’d really rather stay here I think, if that’s okay, but I want to th-thank them.” She swung her legs over the side of the couch and shambled over.

With the mounting pressure and responsibility, it was easy to forget that the people… her people, were on her side. Alphys hoped they would be willing to remind her of this on a regular basis.


	5. just another exciting day in the life of tired and even more tired

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: "i'm trying to get a chapter out every saturday"  
> me: *immediately fails*  
> So this was done on sunday but i wanted to revise more, so i did that instead. maybe i should wait till saturday to post but i got too excited ;u; uhh im still aiming for saturday updates but honestly until school gets out don't count on it. also like, how do you write text convos i've never done that before now

Sometimes her wandering mind watched it like a movie when she was awake and nothing posed as a distraction, and sometimes she relived it in her dreams. In either situation, Alphys could never seem to tear her eyes away.

She pressed her claws against the cold monitor, tears streaming down her face as she watched the warrior melting away, baring her pointed teeth in a huge, gloating grin Alphys felt was meant just for her. Her undying faith in this world, especially in Alphys, was too much to bear. 

Voice nearly unintelligible from her heaving sobs, Alphys wailed her name, voice coated in gut wrenching agony, watching helplessly as the human just stood there, expressionless, like they hadn’t just killed the greatest warrior in the underground. They were so powerful, so merciless, so deadly, deadly, deadly. She smashed her fist against the monitor, gritting her teeth to bite back the mixture of rage, panic, and grief that engulfed her like a tidal wave. 

With a startled jolt, she felt warm liquid between her fingers and watched in horror as Undyne’s melting form, thick and shadowy black, seeped through the glass where she’d hit the monitor. It splattered across her desk and coat, eerily mirroring the amalgamates that had nightmarishly morphed together, and for a moment she feared she was becoming one of them. The goo- Undyne- suddenly as it had come, fell apart into fine grains of dust and sifted through her shaking claws, dropping to the tile floor in a hiss of pouring sand.

Her wet eyes snapped open to find herself on the couch, laying awkwardly with the covers thrown off and tangled up around her legs from thrashing around. Letting out a whimper, she tucked the blanket over her head and hugged herself as the sobs overtook her.

She felt sick. Disgusted.

Undyne had been on her hands, flecked across her clothes. This horrific version of Undyne’s death would irk her for days if not weeks, she knew. And just when she thought she was beginning to heal.

Things would have been easier had she not been a witness- the only witness- to her death. All of the details were forever etched into her mind left to be mangled and corrupted within her dreams.

Throat tight and breathing ragged, she opened her mouth to call for Sans only to realize he was long gone for the lab. She thought about texting him and nearly reached for the phone in her pocket, but what was she supposed to say?

‘Hey, sorry if it’s inconvenient but would you mind forgetting the lab equipment and coming back here because I had a bad dream?’

It was too pathetic- too selfish. Like she was falling back into her old ways. 

Still, the house very suddenly, had never felt emptier. Even when she first arrived and stood in the haunting hollowness of a castle lacking its rightful king, the guilt of taking his place, it was still nothing compared to the striking loneliness of waking up even more alone than when she’d fallen asleep. 

Perhaps it was the unexpectedness. It was as if all the pain and shock of losing everything had suppressed itself only to spring upon her, like a lion stalking its prey, at precisely the wrong moment.

It became clear Alphys couldn’t stay there anymore. She had to at least move around- the illusion of having something to do was preferable to sitting and mulling over the nightmare.

She forced herself up, arms wrapped around her shaking form and wandered out into the garden, hoping the fresh air might calm her down and wash away the ghost of Undyne’s broken, dying remains still tingling on her fingertips.

The garden wasn’t what it used to be under Asgore. The gentle king had taken great care in making sure that patches of buttercup flowers were always flourishing as well as the greenery surrounding them. Right in the middle of the comforting display, he had placed his throne. 

Sans and Alphys were no good at gardening, nor did they have the motivation to try, so in a rather depressing sight, the flowers had wilted for the most part and begun to die along with the grass, which seemed somehow a duller shade of green. The vines on the other hand had reached farther up the walls having gone unchecked for too long, but neither of them cared enough to fix it. The room now unintentionally served as an eerie visual reminder that the king had died.

At least the birds were no less cheerful and still sung their hearts out, oblivious that perhaps there wasn’t a reason to anymore.

Yet, she felt it was a nice place to be if not rather solemn. It was abandoned and nostalgic, but still harbored that somewhat serene atmosphere the King worked so hard to create, however faint. When things got too much, it was a place to relax within the castle.

Alphys sat herself down on the chilling marble steps, feeling the breeze cold against her tear-streaked face, and cried loud and uncaring. The birds were her only audience, who politely went quiet when she began her song.

It could’ve been ten minutes or two hours, but the tears gradually ebbed away and were replaced by silent staring off into space as the numbness spread across her heart again. 

She didn’t want to think. She didn’t want to feel.

The birds started up again when they decided she was done. It was incredibly rare to find something so purely lovely, untouched by the human. She let herself become momentarily immersed in the ambience. 

Sans was probably going to be home soon. Did she care if he saw her like this? She wasn’t sure. Maybe it was wrong to make him worry for her. She didn’t know if she wanted to talk about it anyway.

Alphys jumped at a sudden buzz in her pocket and hastily grabbed up her phone, nearly dropping it in the process, to see a new text from Sans.

 

* at lab, anything u want

 

Oh damn, she forgot about that. She let Sans go off with the promise she’d figure out what she needed and text it to him, and the fact that he texted first probably meant he knew she forgot. Usually this would bother her, but it didn’t, and maybe that was a good thing.

It gave her an excuse to get up, anyway. She could check over the blueprints of her ‘defense mechanism’ and remind herself what she needed from the lab.

Finally pushing herself to her feet, she made her way back inside to her makeshift workshop. 

The room was littered with various papers, empty cup-of-noodles, and tools spread across the floor, all of which seemed to extend from the area around a wooden desk shoved into the corner. Next to it sat a torn up computer chair with a special hole cut in the back for her tail- convenient and comfortable. It wasn’t the same as her old workspace, but it had worked well for the times when she had the motivation to work.

The mess made the room look fuller than it was. Plenty of empty space resided along the walls to hang up her tools, and her desk was only so cluttered due to the lack of organization. When she got around to cleaning up and storing things properly, there would be enough room for everything she needed from the lab, even if the room was slightly smaller than she was used to.

Quickly, she skimmed over the blueprints outlining the design for a robot similar to Mettaton NEO- her defense mechanism. Of course, it would be without a soul, but programming it for no other purpose than to attack was not beyond her skill level. This design contained all the power she had managed to pack into Mettaton NEO in her vain attempt to halt the human before advancing to Asgore, but her work had been on a time budget. Alphys had been left with mere hours before the inevitable arrival of the murderer, and at the expense of Mettaton, she’d upped his attack phenomenally and failed to do the same with defense. The idea was, perhaps, if he could only land one hit, the human would have died.

How foolish. 

That mistake had cost his life.

Now that she wasn’t on a press for time however, she could build the thing properly. The defense would be maxed out. The attack would be maxed out. It would be completely under her control as a soulless warrior to eradicate the human. It was a huge project, but she would do it…soon… 

Alphys closed her eyes and pressed a hand over her mouth, suppressing another sob. She didn’t want to break down crying again.

Part of the reason she’d made so little progress on the machine was it was a reminder of Mettaton. She knew she had plenty of time and she’d be able to work more as she continued to heal, but for now even looking at the bit of work she had done hurt. Guilt clawed at the pits of her stomach, dragging down her heavy heart at the thought of her lost friend.

Today was just not her day.

She inhaled and let out a long breath before opening her eyes again and examining her work, then pulled out her phone and began typing.

 

* ^.^ thanks so much!! uh could u pick up whatever is on my desk upstairs (it should be spare parts, tools, and notes) and then my computer?  
*actually im gonna need a few more parts than i anticipated so uhhh if u see any extra lying around???  
* i guess i could always head out to the dump and get more so it’s not a big deal!! 

 

To her slight surprise, Sans replied within a few moments.

 

* got it  
* nice mew mew poster btw  
* i took the liberty of snagging ur anime also

* omg ur a life saver :0 can’t believe i didn’t think of that first  
* i’m too distracted w this robot to focus on what matters… 

* tsk tsk how irresponsible of u  
* need anything from the basement

 

Alphys paused, a crease forming between her brows. There were certainly things in the true lab she could use, but were they necessary? It was risky going down there. It would be one thing if Sans was alone, but she didn’t understand how he was supposed to make it there and back without the two volunteers seeing. The existence of the “basement” still remained a secret to anyone who hadn’t worked there and Asgore himself.

 

* uhhh i don’t think so?? i’m pretty sure it’s fine but i could always just make a return trip ^.^ 

* ok  
* lmk if theres anything else

 

…

Sans got back in another hour with all she asked for and more. For the second time, Alphys graciously thanked the two volunteers, and for the second time she was caught off guard by their politeness and insistence that they were happy to help.

After hauling in all the equipment (whether carried by hand or in makeshift containers) and dumping it into the hallway to be taken care of later, they said goodbye to the volunteers, and she shut the door with a click of the lock.

“Oh my god, I’m so glad you’re home, finally!” Alphys said, sparing him the details of the nightmare and the aftermath. “How was it? Or, uh, how are you?”

Upon taking a look at him, Sans looked exhausted. It had evidently been a long day for the both of them.

Though his tired eyes and heavy leaning against the wall betrayed him, he spoke with his usual tone and smile, “I’m right as rain, and the trip to the lab was swell as well,” He paused to let out a yawn, and for a moment Alphys thought it strange seeing his mouth so open. “Lets see, uh… yeah, how about you?”

“Oh,” Perhaps he’d be more up for conversation if he weren’t so tired. “W-well, I worked on the defense robot thing today.” She said, waving a dismissive hand. It wasn’t worth mentioning considering how much actually got done, but it was all she’d accomplished other than the speech that morning, but Sans’ eyes seemed to light up a bit.

“I’m proud of you Alph. You know I’m not as good at building things as you, but maybe I can help you out tomorrow.”

“Yeah, that sounds great!” She paused to check the time on her phone. It was still fairly early in the evening, plenty of time for dinner. “Do you wanna order that take-out?”

“Uh… I dunno,” He said, rubbing the fabric along his jacket hood and down to the drawstring. “I think I might just hit the sack. Walking long distances is all kinds of terrible.” He cast her a glance as if to make sure she was alright with that, so she grinned with what reassurance she could muster.

“I think that’s a good idea, you look like you could use the rest,” She said with a nod, subconsciously fiddling with her claws. “Um… i-is walking so much the only reason you’re tired? Because you can tell me if something’s bothering you. You know that, right?”

Sans didn’t reply for a moment and instead seemed to be fairly taken with something along the ground, still feeling the string between his fingers. Finally he met her eyes, pupils dull as pair of dying candles. “You’re an absolute gift, Alph. And thanks, yeah, I’ll let you know if somethings up.” With that, he pushed himself off the wall and waved as he headed off down to his bedroom. “Sweet dreams.”

…

Sleep apparently would not come willingly tonight. 

Why did she think falling asleep again would be any different than last time?

Alphys awoke thoroughly distressed and panicking from reliving the twisted version of Undyne’s death once again. Her eyes were wide and unseeing, glazed over with relentless flowing tears, like a bloody wound refusing to staunch itself. She couldn’t breathe and her hands were shaking so badly she could hardly wrap the blanket around herself.

Not real…not real… not real

But it was real, sort of. Undyne was still dead. Everyone was still dead.

It took several long moments of calming down before she managed to crawl out of bed and stumble outside and across the hall to Sans’ room. She hesitated outside, hand hovering over the knob, and bit down hard on her lip. 

Maybe she shouldn’t bother him, but the thought of going back to her room, back to being alone, made her want to break down again. It was just too much to bear.

With the slightest rattle of the door knob, she slowly pushed open the door, flooding the pitch black room with a thin ray of light from the hallway.

“S-sans?” She squeaked, sounding far more childlike than she’d intended. He didn’t answer, so she tapped her claws a little on the side of the door, both out of uncertainty and hoping the noise might wake him, but when that didn’t happen she wandered further inside, shutting the door behind her. No going back now she supposed.

Approaching the edge of his bed, she reached a hand out and lightly jostled him.

“Sans?” She whispered again, nearly pleading, and cringed inwardly at her own clinginess. It was stupid she relied on him so much, and someday her lack of independence was going to come back and bite her, but oh god she needed him now.

There was a grunt and rustle of covers as the dark silhouette sat up, one hand pressed to his head. “Alph?” He muttered, voice thick with sleep, and she wasn’t sure if he was really awake or not, but it didn’t matter she supposed.

“Uh, h-hey…” She said, trying to smile before realizing it was too dark to see anyway. She opened her mouth to speak, but he beat her to it.

“Nightmare?” He asked groggily, setting his hand down at his side.

“Mm hm.”

Sans made some distressed or concerned noise and rested his head against the wall with a soft thud. “Yeah, I get those too. They’re no picnic. C’mere,” He patted the spot next to him amiably. “Wanna sleep here?” 

“If that’s okay…” She gestured to her blanket. “I brought my own. I’m kind of a blanket hog, sorry.” 

“And I sleep diagonally.” He said scooting over and tossed some of the covers onto her side anyway as she climbed onto the mattress. “So I’m gonna apologize in advance for that.”

She laughed weakly, scooting under the covers, tucked them up to her chin, and curled in on herself like a cat. She wanted to say thank you or make a snarky comment on how ridiculously cold his feet were or ask him about his nightmares or say anything to avoid going back to sleep, but she didn’t want to keep him up any longer than she had to either. She already was such an inconvenience. 

“Hey Alph?” 

Her heart jumped a bit. “Yeah?” 

Sans paused for a moment and she could almost feel him radiating with uncertainty. Whatever he had to say was important. 

“I’m glad you came in here, actually.” He murmured. “Everything kinda feels worse at night. Maybe just ‘cause there’s nothing to take my mind off…” He hesitated again, seemingly conscious that his own exhaustion rendered him wordier and more emotional than usual. For a moment she thought he was finished and opened her mouth to reply, but he pressed on, quieter than before. “Sorry, uh… it’s just he used to let me sleep in his bed when I had a bad night.” 

While she was grateful to hear what he had to say, and she was always, always willing to listen to him, she felt a pang in her chest at the sentiment. Again, she readied a reply only to hear his voice.

“Just…What the hell did we do to deserve this, huh?” His tone began to fall apart at the end, revealing the emotion beneath. He let out a harsh exhale somewhere between a laugh and a dry sob, then pulled the covers over his face and tucked his knees to his chest. “I’m sorry.”

She didn’t know what else to do but roll over and wrap her arms around him in a tight hug, like he was all she had left, and spoke, fighting to control her tone, “Don’t apologize, I really do want to hear what you have to say. I know we c-can’t fix this, and you didn’t do anything to deserve this… we’ll just take it a day at a time, okay? You’ll feel better in the morning, like you said, nights make everything worse.” She loosened her hug for a moment before letting go, then felt around for his hand and clutched it tight, the bones cold against her claws, and attempted to put as many unsaid things into the gesture as possible. “We’ll get through this. Try to sleep, you need the rest.”

He said nothing, and for a dreadful moment she wondered if she said something wrong, but she felt his hand squeeze back.

“Unless y-you want to keep talking? I didn’t mean to shut you down or anything.”

“You didn’t, you really didn’t. I just… oh god.” 

Alphys felt the grip around her hand tighten almost to the point of hurting. She figured nothing much she could say would help, and Sans was tired of talking anyway, so she remained quiet. Instead, she took to rubbing her thumb along the back of his hand.

They delved far into the night while his tension gradually trickled away the more he began to relax. She waited patiently, listening for his erratic breathing to steady out and fall into a slow rhythm to indicate he was asleep.

Only then did she allow herself to cry quietly. She clamped her spare claw over her mouth to muffle it, but her shoulders hitched with every sob, and her breathing grew so ragged surely he’d wake up, but he didn’t. 

Maybe he was pretending, she didn’t know, or care really- she just needed to cry herself out.

She didn’t want to think. She didn’t want to feel.

Everything was just too much tonight.


	6. now you’re crying for noooo reason!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally I was gonna do a scene with monsterkid and then I remembered I hate monsterkid with the same passionate loathing everyone has for frisk at this point so I changed it to the actual best character in undertale ;u; anyway this is going out on friday (?? its friday right) rather than saturday because i'm going out of town. Also I added a couple of tags uhhhh alrighty then cool beans (these chapters are just getting progressively longer arent they)

Alphys awoke in an empty bed, which indicated she’d slept in pretty late if Sans was already up. They’d made a habit of sharing a bed since the day of Alphys’ address because, as it turned out, neither of them were too keen on being alone when they didn’t have to be.

She pressed her face into the pillow, clinging to the fabric like a piece of driftwood in a massive ocean. God, she was tired. It was always hell getting up in the morning. 

It was probably noon, but that was okay- she didn’t remember having any appointments today anyway. The only upcoming due date she could think of was the guards needing their patrol schedules the following week, but she had plenty of time to make that happen. Rest, or lack of rest, was a far more pressing issue. 

Head pounding, she rolled over onto her back, arms thrown out to either side, and pried open her eyes only to stare blankly up at the ceiling. It seemed quality sleep had evaded her yet again. From what she recalled about sleep theories, there had to be some sort of rebound into more restful sleep eventually, but for now everything sucked. It hurt to move- to think, even. Did she really need to get up today?

Quickly as she could with such a bogged down brain, she went over her options.

She could stay in bed and laze away, or she could seize what was left of the day by the throat and start getting ready.

After leaning towards the former for about ten more minutes, she decided to compromise.

Rolling out of bed with a groan, she shuffled into the kitchen hoping to mull over some coffee for much too long before actually working on anything, then found Sans fast asleep at the table surrounded by paperwork, face buried beneath his arms. 

Because of her overwhelming workload, Sans and Alphys had agreed to split it generally into Sans sticking to the paperwork and Alphys constructing the defense mechanism. This resulted in a fair amount of late nights sitting in near silence other than the occasional rustle of pages and various clangs and whirrs resounding from Alphys’ workshop, but last night was not one of those that she recalled.

“Sans?” Alphys murmured reaching down and gave his shoulder a gentle shake. He stirred, letting out some unintelligible mumble before peeking out at her from behind his jacket sleeves, the lights of his eyes bearing that distant candle look that radiated exhaustion. 

“Heya,” He said, voice thick with sleep. Slowly, he gathered himself up from the table only to lean back lulling his head off the chair, eyes closed as it was too much effort to keep them open. “Guess I fell asleep here, huh?”

“Yeah, I can’t tell you how many times I did that as the royal scientist- fell asleep while working I mean,” She said, touching his shoulder lightly before moving to the kitchen to brew some desperately needed coffee. She pried off the lid to the coffee grounds and peered inside- they’d be needing more fairly soon but it was enough to get them through the day. “Why’d you start working in the middle of the night? Are you feeling alright?”

“Give me a minute to remember, my brain’s not working yet,” He started, cut off by an oncoming yawn while Alphys scooped the dwindling coffee grounds. She thought he might have fallen back asleep before he continued with a tad more alertness in his tone, “I just couldn’t sleep and so I figured, might as well do somethin’.”

“I think, you should go back to bed. There’s not anything we really need to get done today, and I can’t really imagine sleeping very well on a table.” She said over the running faucet, performing the actions on autopilot. 

“You’d be surprised,” He said, fighting through another yawn. “Nah, it’s good. I’ll wake up in a minute.”

Despite such reassurances, when the coffee was done and Alphys returned to the table with a mug in either hand, she found him having slipped back into sleep. If she could’ve managed, she would have carried him to bed so he could rest more comfortably, but any attempt to do so would most likely result in her falling over and waking him up in an awful and embarrassing way. Instead, she set a mug down in front of him in case he woke up, grabbed a wooly blanket off the couch and threw it over him, then headed off to the workshop to get something done today. 

…

The cannon attached to the arm was difficult to design since it could not harness power from a living soul. She supposed if she possessed a human soul, she could run an experiment to see if it could be used in a robot like Mettaton, but thanks to their most recent encounter with a human, she had none. Besides, returning a human’s sentience in the form of an annihilation machine was probably a bad move, just in case she couldn’t control it. There was always the option of using it in a toaster-like bot similar to the rectangular body she’d originally given Mettaton, but again she didn’t have a spare soul. 

Instead, the defense mechanism’s cannon required artificial power and was to be fired at a rapid rate, so it ran a risk of getting overheated and causing a malfunction. The method of cooling for this section of the robot had to be separate from the rest and circulate throughout the cannon, so she went with a water cooling system. It spiraled tubes throughout the inside weapon (or down the arm) that pumped coolant residing in a reservoir attached to the “bicep” in addition to two fans planted near the forearm packed in for good measure. 

It was easy to become consumed in her task. It required her to think and thus not think about anything else. Who could be bothered with gut wrenching despair when all your attention is directed at dabbing precise bits of thermal compound? How difficult it was to reflect upon your own misery, when clearly there’s a piece missing to attach the tubes and fans.

Unfortunately, the moment she stepped away or simply paused for a little too long, she saw Mettaton in her work. It took minutes at a time to compose herself enough to continue.

Was this some act of betrayal? Was she disrespecting his death by making a similar robot- a better one? Was she being ridiculous?

Her breathing went funny. She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, fighting past a throbbing headache and intrusive thoughts of her friend blown to bits. 

All she could have done. All she didn’t do.

She saw his winning smile and listened to the echoes of his encouragement ringing in her ears. She saw the stage lights and flawless body, then a ground shaking explosion that ripped through the area littered with bits of flying shrapnel, all on stage as if part of a sick performance. 

Even when she went back to work, it was only a matter of time before she’d be thrown off again in an endless loop of unproductivity. 

Frustration and sadness piled up and left her on the brink of tears after hardly any time at all. There was barely anything she could manage to get done, as if all the pieces of her project were white hot and burned to touch.

She leaned back in her chair and covered her face, letting out a loud huff from behind her hands.

Useless. Useless. Useless.

Feeling a burning behind her eyes, she decided she couldn’t work anymore. There was something she had to do first.

Maybe it would be enough to fix this. Well… maybe she’d be able to concentrate again at least.

Kicking out from her rolling chair, she hopped back to the floor and headed out to the kitchen. Sans was still sleeping like the dead with the blanket draped over his shoulders, though thankfully looking fairly relaxed in a presumably dreamless sleep. Quietly, she searched around the table for a spare sheet of paper, grabbed up his pen, and scribbled out a note.

 

off getting groceries be back in a bit! you’ll have to microwave the coffee but the mug on the tables for you :D  
-Alph 

 

The second part was unnecessary, but she threw it in to help pull off a cheerful tone. There wasn’t any reason to make him worry.

Folding the note, she propped it against his mug before throwing on a jacket, drawing the hood, and headed outside.

The issue with showing her face in public was the tendency for people to, upon seeing her, drop what they were doing and crowd around trying to converse with the elusive queen. Their support was appreciated, but Alphys just couldn’t handle crowds any better than talking in general. Even worse, her awkwardness and anxiety would definitely show through and quite possibly deteriorate her level of authority even more so.

This was part of the reason Sans usually did all the activities that required leaving the castle, but she had to do this one on her own. She’d pick up some milk or something on her way home so he wouldn’t be suspicious.

He probably would anyway, but coming back without groceries would be a dead give-away. She trusted him not to pry so long as she was at least subtle.

...

Waterfall used to be her favorite place to visit. The garbage dump never failed to be entertaining, and she’d even met Undyne there. It had become their favored hang-out spot together. She and Undyne had a blast searching around rifling through various junk and finding special treasures like a new anime or weapon or just some do-hickey.

Waterfall was where she’d met Mettaton as well. Before MTT resort was implemented, Mettaton spent more time at home, also in Waterfall. They didn’t hang out there as much as she and Undyne, but it held memories of him anyway.

Nowadays, the musty humidity mixed with piles of wet garbage provided for an unsavory smell that seemed to radiate throughout the area, like all the magic had been sucked out. Strangely, she’d never noticed it before, or at least it hadn’t bothered her. Waterfall was dimly lit and fairly abandoned as well, maybe because everyone else had noticed the stench all of a sudden. Maybe just because there weren’t a whole lot left in the “everyone else” category. 

Mettaton’s house was oddly shaped like a “P” and colored his favorite shade of pink. Having evaded unwanted attention, she stood before it in the ambience of the distant waterfall and gentle breeze of garbage-stink. She gazed at the house as if expecting to see his face in the window or for the door to open with a merry swing and he would step outside extravagantly, like he’d never been gone. 

The last time Alphys had been by was long before becoming queen- she didn’t even have a key- but with all the memories flooding forth that she could no longer suppress, instead she chose to embrace them by getting as close to Mettaton as she could. 

There was no plan for what to do when she arrived. She had expected it to come naturally, like the ghost of Mettaton would somehow tell her how to make peace with his death. Now that she actually thought about it, this was a stupid idea.

She wasn’t visiting a grave. She had no flowers or heartfelt words. Maybe the whole reason she was there was to get out of the house.

Alphys eyed the indigo ground, feeling hot tears roll down the sides of her face and watched them drip into the sand below in dark blue blotches. Everything hurt worse than ever now. Perhaps she just needed to cry over him for a while.

That didn’t make coming all the way here any less pointless, though. 

She kicked at the ground, churning up bits of the inky sand… why was it this color anyway? Mettaton probably thought it was lovely. 

This was where he hosted the human fan club. She’d been the only attendant and they’d both been filled with such childish excitement. The only two fans in the underground…

What a disgusting thought.

If Mettaton had survived, she was curious to know whether he’d still feel the same about humans, or maybe hate them with the fiery passion she did. 

There was a twinge in her stomach, and she wondered if she was going to be sick. How highly they’d regarded humans before seemed like some twisted joke now. 

Gritting her teeth, she forced her gaze upwards, taking in the house one last time before murmuring, “I’m sorry.” Then turned to go.

Only, there was someone in her path.

“Oh…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stare…”

Her breath caught in her throat at the sight of Napstablook floating before her, their pale white form illuminated against the gloomy surroundings. She recognized them instantly as Mettaton’s cousin. He’d mentioned them before, and even if he hadn’t Undyne had introduced them to Alphys as her neighbor and even raved about them a bit. Though they’d never had a conversation, she knew them through two very important people.

Upon seeing them however, she was gripped with an icy, striking guilt that left her frozen, eyes locked with Napstablook’s. The shock hit her like the swing of a bat that Mettaton had family. She failed him and he was dead, and he had family to suffer the consequences of her actions- or lack of actions. Was she trembling? She realized, shamefully, that this thought had never occurred to her before. 

“A-are you okay…?” They asked in a slow, gentle voice that seemed to echo ever so slightly as if speaking in a cave. Though difficult to read, concern passed over their expression as they floated closer. “Oh no….did I hurt your feelings…? I’m so sorry…” 

It took their second sentence for her to realize her leaky eyes had turned to faucets, and now Napstablook was crying too. She didn’t even know ghosts could cry. Their tears, instead of being absorbed into the ground, just seemed to vanish as they fell. It might have been funny they were both crying for seemingly no reason if the mood weren’t so solemn. 

“N-no!” She stuttered, horrified that they’d taken the blame, suddenly drawn back into the moment like emerging from water. “No, i-it’s not you, I-I’m glad to s-see you actually- uh…” Hurriedly swiping away her tears, she forced a smile she hoped looked convincing. She’d gotten plenty of practice at that since becoming queen. “I’m s-sorry I’m such a m-mess.”

Napstablook’s tears seemed to die down a bit to the pace of a leaky pipe. “That’s okay… I am too… b-but why were you glad to see me? Oh… I can’t even remember your name…that’s so rude of me…”

“O-oh,” Her surprise must have shown as uncertainty passed over their face. After getting over the initial unexpectedness however, she thought it a bit of a relief to find someone who didn’t just see her as the queen. “I was Undyne’s friend- your neighbor, i-if you remember her? A-and…um” Alphys nodded toward the baby pink door, eyes trained on Napstablook, waiting for some sort of judgement to wrack their expression.

“Oh yeah… I remember you now… you went to my cousin’s human fan club, right?” 

For the third time in the past few minutes, she was caught off guard. Napstablook remained expressionless (albeit crying softly), but to focus on that single meeting out of all that had happened between her and Mettaton… 

“That was around the last I ever saw of him…before he left,” They continued. “…oh, I’m rambling again…I’m sorry…” They seemed to fade slightly, as if utilizing her often desire to simply disappear from anxiety inducing situations. 

A crease formed between her brows, skepticism poking through her expression. “Wait, y-you didn’t even see him on TV or anything?”

“TV…?” They echoed, as if it was some entirely foreign concept. “N- No…. the only show I really watched was Mettaton’s…ooh I was such a fan of him…d-did you see my cousin on TV…?”

And suddenly as the question had arisen, the answer crashed upon her in a tidal wave. 

Mettaton, the ghost who desperately wanted a body, had left Napstablook to pursue fame without telling them he was leaving. He changed his name and got a new body, and Napstablook was none the wiser. 

Which meant Naptstablook had no idea their cousin had been dead for months.

Eyes wide as plates, subconsciously a claw had covered her speechless mouth and the tears came back at full force, cold on her cheeks against the wind. 

“Oh no… there I go making you sad again… I’m so, so sorry…” They said, beginning to fade in to the air again before she frantically threw out her hand to stop them.

“P-please wait!” She called, voice cracking, and despite looking fairly startled, Napstablook obliged.

She drew back her quavering hand, struggling to compose herself while the distant rushing of water filled the silence- it seemed louder than before. “I-I know y-you d-don’t know this…” She cleared her throat and forced herself to look into their tear glazed eyes. There was no way she could tell them. Maybe they were better off not knowing. “…but I’m the queen of the underground- queen Alphys.”

“Oh!” They gasped, attempting to bow, but more or less just phased through the ground a bit. “Y-your majesty…?”

“No, I um...I didn’t mean, y-you don’t have to do that,” Alphys swallowed and reached out a shaking, clammy hand in what she meant to be a comforting gesture, or as comforting as she could manage in her state. 

What the hell was she doing? She should just leave them alone, she’d be doing them a favor. She’d hurt their family enough, hadn’t she?

Except…

“What I meant to say was… would you like to come back with me to the castle?” Letting her instinct take over as the words tumbled out like falling rocks, she broke away her gaze and directed it at the patches of churned up sand at her toes. She was wringing her claws again and somehow the waterfall was deafening- or perhaps it was just the ringing in her ears. “I-I know it’s kind of odd but… I just, I feel like I know you, and I thought that maybe… maybe we could be friends?”

She knew it was pathetic, but the guilt clung to her, heavy and tangible like the surrounding humidity. Offering her friendship was in no way compensation for their cousin’s death, in fact she was probably just making things worse for them to ease her conscience. To quench the despairing loneliness.

Disgusting.

“You want to be my friend…?” There was a slight pause in which her aching heart rested in her throat, and then they continued. “O-okay, yeah….I don’t really know about going all the way to the castle…and you’re probably making a mistake, but you seem nice… Alphys was it?”

“Y-yeah,” She said nodding enthusiastically. It was more than she could have hoped for, more than she deserved, but this was good. There might have been a piece of Mettaton left in Napstablook, but more than that, there was still someone left to care about, and perhaps it would be enough. “Can I give you my number?”

They nodded as much as a ghost could nod, and she fumbled around in her pocket for her phone. Upon seeing the screen however, her moment of lighthearted relief plummeted with the sight of six text notifications and a voicemail. 

 

*hey are u almost back  
*thanks for the coffee  
*hate to triple text but its been a few hours, are u okay?  
*hello?  
*youre kinda freaking me out  
*alph??

 

The time frame for the last four messages was spaced out rather generously. Alphys had no idea she’d been gone so long, apparently having lost track of time. The journey to Waterfall had taken forever, and oh, why didn’t she think to check her phone? She’d have to listen to his voicemail later, but for now she needed to ease his mind.

“Uhh, h-hold on,” She said and frantically typed out a reply, clawed fingers clacking against the screen.

 

*oh god I’m so so sorry my phone was on silent!! I’m in waterfall, aaah I’ll explain later, but its all fine!!  
*I didn’t think id be gone so long im so sorry ;^;

 

“A-alright,” She said directing her attention back up at them. “Whats your number?”

She had to click past a new text from Sans (with a twinge of guilt) to input Napstablook’s contact information, then hastily let them know she needed to leave. 

“It was wonderful meeting you, I just… it really means a lot to me.” She said, words bringing a tiny smile to their face. 

Her heart throbbed at the thought of leaving so soon. They’d only just met and yet she felt she could talk for hours, days even - she really was so lonely. Sometimes it felt like massive pieces of her had been ripped off, like a limb or vital organ, and she had to find something or someone to fill the gaps. “Please, please let me know if you ever need anything. A-and always feel welcome at the castle.”

“You too… you’re so nice to me…it’s not much but you can come to my house sometime… if you want…”

She glanced at the bone white home adjacent to Mettaton’s house, this one shaped like a backwards “P”. Vaguely, she wondered if they had a key to their cousin’s home.

“Well… bye then…” They said finally disappearing into the air as if lowering an opacity filter, and then she was alone. 

Now without the threat of being rude, once more she pulled out her phone to check her texts.

 

*oh wow haha glad to hear everythings good  
*yeah its all fine  
*I wasn’t all that worried, I know you can handle yourself

 

“Of course not Sans,” She muttered, feeling a pang of secondhand panic after imagining herself in that situation. She’d have to be more careful. Sliding her thumb to the volume bar, she set the sound on high, then headed home.

Having promised to explain where she was anyway, Alphys forgot the groceries with no further consequence than having to suffer through another night of takeout.  
…

(A few hours earlier)

Sans was bouncing his leg under the table. Had there been any dishes, they would’ve been rattling merrily from the nervous tic. Every so often he glanced at his phone as if he’d somehow miss the ringtone.

In every other bad ending he recalled, Alphys killed herself. There was no way around it. This one was supposed to be different, but the fact remained it had been several hours and she wasn’t answering her phone. It could be nothing, but everyone else was dead and Alphys was more depressed than ever, so it could also be something. 

He knew his only remaining friend would never leave him alone with all the responsibility of the underground in his shaking hands… but she might have.

There was so much uncertainty. One thing he knew for a fact though- it didn’t take that long to grab some groceries. 

Alphys almost always answered her phone. Of course, there were a hundred different explanations far more probable than her being dead, but oh god what if she was?

He considered going out and looking for her, but there were so many places she could be. Besides not being able to teleport as easily if he was seen, he could very well cause a panic if he drew too much attention. People would start wondering why the royal advisor was wandering about.

It was his best bet to stay home and hope she would get his texts.

It was taking a toll on him though. Every passing second was another in which she wasn’t home and should have been, and it was sort of killing him. He wasn’t used to being so unsure and paranoid.

Unable to just sit there drowning in his thoughts any longer, he grabbed up the phone and called her.

“Hey, Alphys, uh… when you get this, call me okay? It’s been a while and I’m really worried about you. Your phone’s probably just dead, heh, and I’m scared over nothing but um… really hope you’re okay. You know how it is when your thoughts automatically jump to the worst case scenario? Yeah, that’s happening right now… ah jeez, just let me know you’re alright when you can.” 

…

His head was resting on his arms as he absentmindedly scratched at the table leaving little white lines in the woodwork. He didn’t have claws like Alphys, but bones were more than capable of inflicting such damage. 

There was still mounds of paperwork from last night strewn across the table. It would take hours to finish it all if he worked without breaks, but he could’ve gotten most of it done in the time he’d been sitting and waiting for Alphys to come home like a lonely puppy. 

He’d tried to work too, but concentrating on anything other than Alphys’ exceedingly long absence was about as farfetched as his jacket coming to life.

Back when Papyrus was alive, Sans recalled once leaving the house and losing track of the time, as well as his cell phone charger apparently. Unbeknownst to him, the phone was dead and he missed several worried calls from his brother over the course of the day. 

When he finally got back far later than usual, Papyrus immediately scooped him up and hugged him nearly tight enough to crack his ribs, then went off on Sans for about an hour, only setting him back down so Papyrus could use his arms to wave with emphasis. It wasn’t in a nagging way like Sans was used to, but in a, you-scared-me-to-death-I-care-about-you-so-much-what-on-earth-did-I-do-to-deserve-that, sort of way. Sans could still remember the raw emotion in Papyrus’ tone, the subtle trembling of his arms, and the guilt that clawed at Sans’ chest upon seeing how he had hurt the one person he cared about more than anything else in the world on a stupid oversight. 

Sans was essentially grounded after that, despite being the older brother, and since then he’d always been far more careful about his phone.

It was odd being on the other end of the situation. He couldn’t imagine himself lecturing Alphys though, or lecturing at all really. That was Papyrus’ thing.

Suddenly the room felt cold and vacant. If he dropped a pen off the table, surely it would echo. 

Thinking about him so much was a terribly painful reminder that something irreplaceable was missing and he’d barely been functioning without it. As godawful as he felt, the thought made absolutely everything worse. His very bones ached, as if all the weight on his shoulders was beginning to crush him.

Sometimes it helped to remind himself it was going to reset and Papyrus would be back eventually, but after saying the same thing over and over, the words started to lose meaning over the knowledge that the world hadn’t reset. Papyrus was dead. 

It was in quiet, vulnerable moments like this that it burned the worst- when anxiety writhed in his stomach and Sans felt as if a piece of his soul had chipped off leaving a throbbing open wound as unfixable as the machine in his lab.

“What’d you think Papyrus?” He asked the air, halfway expecting to see his brother sitting opposite him. It was pointless, painfully pathetic, but he couldn’t bring himself to care either. No one was here to see him anyway, what did it matter? He buried his face in the sleeves of his jacket, a tightness enclosing his throat.

Sans jumped at a sudden, blissful ring and made such a quick snatch for the phone he would’ve made Papyrus proud. In contrast to the slow, encasing loneliness that surrounded him over the course of several hours, the new text from Alphys yanked him from the state in a heartbeat. He didn’t even read the full text at first, all he knew was that she was alright, and it was enough.

Wheezing in relief, he let his head hit the table with a dull thud as all the panic fueling him left like blowing out a match.

“Damn it, Alph...” 

How the hell could he have had such an exhausting day doing absolutely nothing? Well, that wasn’t all that out of the ordinary actually… 

Numb with relief, he reread her messages, then typed out a text with shaky hands, more or less on autopilot. Unlike Alphys, he was in no way used to dealing with so much anxiety all at once. It was just a reminder that she was tough as nails.

With a grate of chair legs against the tile floor, he got up to go make himself some tea. That stuff was supposed to relaxing wasn’t it?


	7. sans arrives 15 minutes late with starbucks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well its finally done, and on saturday no less!! i'm real sorry but updates are gonna be slow, i'm trying my best but i'm crazy busy i honestly havent had a free day in weeks ;^; i dont want to compromise the quality of my writing to rush updates (not that its all that quality lmao) but i've noticed the extra attention this has gotten recently and i appreciate every single kudos and every single comment more than you know <33 i'm absolutely thrilled anyones reading my stuff and all of you are the coolest of beans ;u;   
> so anyway this chapter did not want to be written oh my goodness gracious, but this is a happy chapter owooo!! the last scene also doesnt really fit but i wanted to throw it in because i like it and it doesnt fit anywhere else either and also i do what i wANT

Time seemed to freeze as the shock of his words digested into understanding. They couldn’t be true, it must be one of his classic jokes, because how could this possibly have happened? 

Voice emanating from the kitchen, Sans spoke in his usual nonchalant tone that surely masked his distress as he announced, “Alright, remain calm Alph, but we’re out of coffee.”

In the midst of clearing the table blanketed with paperwork in various stages of completion, she gasped sharply, a hand closing over her mouth on instinct. “Oh my god, I forgot to buy some.” The hand slid over her eyes as her expression turned to a grimace. “Oh, what was the point of that outing yesterday if I didn’t even remember coffee?”

“You’ve doomed us all,” Sans called, leaning his head into the dining room. “The underground will surely fall apart without a ruler who can wake up properly. What have you done?”

She cast him a glance, grimace twisting into a grin. It was a bit disappointing she’d forgotten something so obviously important, but maybe she could afford to forgive herself. 

“Argh! No! How can this be?” She threw out an arm dramatically, leaning heavily on the table for support. “Oh, I can feel myself being drawn back into dreaded sleep again, oh no! What do I do?” Her immensely convincing performance fell apart towards the end as she spoke through her laughter, but she never claimed to be an actress.

“Other than buying more coffee, which needless to say is ridiculous, you’ve damned us to a waking nightmare.” He said solemnly, placing a hand over his nonexistent heart as he strode into the dining room.

At this, Alphys brightened, dropping the act completely. “Hey, I haven’t heard you make a pun in forever. Are you feeling good today?” 

Despite the lingering guilt over her lengthy absence the previous day, routine had more than fallen into place—Sans seemed to even be in a good mood. 

Good days were tiny rays of light bleeding through a dense, vast ocean of stormy clouds. They were much more elusive than individual lively moments which were fleeting and easily overshadowed by the storm clouds, but as Sans pondered she couldn’t help thinking that maybe a good day was long overdue.

Feeling a slight pang of disappointment, he upturned a palm and replied, “Eh, maybe. I dunno.” He stuffed a hand in his jacket pocket, eyeing the door. “But anyway, I actually would like that coffee. I’m gonna make a run to that café downtown before I lose the motivation.”

And her own optimistic mood began to crumble. 

Unable to catch her clinginess, she spoke before she could stop herself, “Aw what? Could I come?”

Her words evidently caught him by surprise, his gaze shifting to meet hers, the lights in his sockets drawn from their groggy haze now bright and focused. “Wait, you want to?” He said, tilting his head down slightly as if looking over the tops of glasses. “Yeah that’d be great, if you’re not worried about people seeing you.”

“Um…” Uncertainty clung to her like wet clothes and she regretted saying anything the moment the words left her mouth. The dregs of whatever confidence had possessed her yesterday had drained.

It was probably just luck anyway that she hadn’t been seen, she couldn’t pull it off twice. Soon, perhaps she’d have the real confidence and energy required to deal with prying, overwhelming citizens, but that day was not today. “Maybe another time w-when I’m… less shaky?” 

Or ‘more stable’ might have been better phrasing, but there was no need to be so blunt.

“You sure? I’ll do all the talking to whoever we run into so you don’t have to say a thing,” He said, then added as an afterthought, “I’ll scare ‘em off with more of my bodacious puns so no one crowds around.” 

Despite his less-than-convincing reassurances (he just sounded too tired for the second part to be genuine), she graced him a genuine laugh. 

“Bodacious, oh my god. And, eh, thanks but I-I’ve got to um, mentally prepare myself for that, you know? I’m n-no good with s-spontaneity. Yesterday w-was an exception, and no one saw me.” 

She knew she didn’t have to justify leaving yesterday and not leaving today, but it was within her insecure instinct to do so just in case. After all, she was in no way about to risk hurting Sans feelings over something so easily explained away. 

Was that even possible with Sans now that she thought about it? It seemed a little ludicrous, she couldn’t imagine what could get under his skin—no pun intended.

“Alrighty.” He waved, moving towards the door. “Won’t be gone too long, I know you haven’t had the chance to walk there but the café’s pretty close. See ya in a bit.” 

… 

In the midst of carefully screwing together two plates of metal, a sudden harsh knocking signaling Sans’ return reached through the house and into her workroom. 

He wasn’t gone nearly as long as she thought he might be. He did say the café was pretty close, she supposed.

“J-just a sec!” She called knowing her voice wouldn’t carry far enough, then tossed her screwdriver aside. It hit the table rolling and fell behind her desk, an inconvenience she’d certainly regret later she thought on the way outside her room and to the front door. 

After fumbling a moment with the lock, she threw open the door and gave a noticeable jump. Her gaze laid upon a friendly looking dog with a satchel around his shoulder, one of the remaining members of the royal guard. She felt a lurch of dread in her stomach. 

“O-oh hello,” She said, instinctively drawing the door closer, suddenly very conscious that she hadn’t dressed for the day or showered. Even worse she couldn’t remember his name. “C-can I help you?”

To her slight horror he looked mildly surprised, apparently also taken aback at her lack of queenly-ness, before he flashed a kind, toothy smile.

“Yes! Sorry to disturb you, your highness.” He said, bowing slightly. “I’m just here to pick up the patrol schedule for the week and I’ll be on my way.”

“Pick up the…” 

She gasped, clapping a claw over her mouth. Sans usually handled things regarding the royal guard, she’d never had to worry about it before. Had he forgotten the schedule pickup? Well, he hadn’t let her know the guards would be coming by, though admittedly she should have realized it herself.

“O-oh my god. I’m so sorry I…” She threw a glance over her shoulder at the mess of papers residing on the table. “Maybe Sans finished it? H-hold on-” Her claws ticked across the tiled floor towards the shamefully unkempt kitchen before the guardsman could respond, then quickly began rummaging around the pile of work.

“It’s g-gotta be…” She said shifting through patrol reports until she found what she was looking for buried beneath an analysis of CORE maintenance, the schedule decorated with two dark brown coffee rings doubled over each other and blotted ink over the top half. He had scribbled out the schedule for Sunday, though it was barely legible, but none else. 

“Um,” She murmured, embarrassed beyond belief that this was all they had to show for themselves. She couldn’t blame Sans for losing track, but she couldn’t help feeling like a bit of a failure anyway.

“If I may your highness,” The guardsman said tentatively, stepping through the threshold in the same manner-- oh god she forgot to invite him inside. “You look rather hassled, it might make it easier and take a bit off your plate if you appoint a head of the royal guard. Then they’d take care of the scheduling instead as well as a chunk of that paperwork.” He continued his approach, as if towards a frightened animal before continuing, “I could…nominate myself for the position? If you’re considering?” 

She said nothing, instead reminding herself that her dignity never existed in the first place, took a deep breath, and handed over the sheet. 

“I’m sorry, i-it’s not something I can handle right now.” She said, forcing herself to look up and meet his gaze. 

He couldn’t have known her relationship to Undyne. He couldn’t have known how much it hurt even thinking of someone replacing her. Maybe he would make a phenomenal royal guard, and maybe it was her queenly duty to hold trials or make a decision, but she wasn’t ready. 

She couldn’t explain it either, so instead she gave him a tired smile and assured him she’d finish the schedule by tomorrow and keep more on top of things next week.

He looked a bit crestfallen but took the paper anyway and stowed it in his satchel, though he didn’t move from his spot. Biting his lip, he continued with the same polite caution.

“You know… maybe it’s not my place, but what’s the point of having a royal assistant if they can’t even get the guard schedule done on time?” He crossed his arms, apparently not noticing the change in her expression. “I mean, not to insult, but I remember that joker from Snowdin and he-”

“Thank you!” Alphys snapped, annoyance flaring in her chest. What, did he think he could come in here and gossip about her friend, and she would just…just go along with it? He was absolutely out of his mind, and she’d have half a mind to tell him so…only, with more diplomacy. 

Perhaps a situation like this was what it would take to get her to summon her authority. To her satisfaction the guard’s jaws snapped shut, ears flattening and eyes widening attentively. He knew he’d overstepped his bounds. The thought of it being her responsibility to take charge and put him back in his place would have been daunting had she not been fueled by a sudden surge of ‘thoroughly pissed off’. It didn’t come naturally, but this would serve as a good opportunity for her to practice wielding her power properly.

Clearing her throat, she met his gaze sternly and advanced a step forward, speaking in a steady voice, “You can go now. I’ll figure out the rest of the schedule by tomorrow.”

He expressed his gracious thanks and maybe he threw an apology at her—whatever, she’d stopped listening. She would not have him here any longer. 

Her good mood was shattered, and she was being too sensitive, but...

But Sans was all she had left to protect. She sure as hell didn’t deserve him, but he’d receive no less than all she had to give, and maybe it would be enough. 

The door shut and she’d barely noticed, still miffed at the offhand comment. Hopefully she’d made it clear enough to them that no one was to speak badly of Sans, and maybe he’d spread the news to the rest of the dwindling guardsmen that she and the royal advisor were to be respected.

Sans should not be thought of as any less capable than she. If anything, he was even more so. 

True, he’d slipped up in this case, but he was overloaded with work and they both knew that. The workload was intended to be temporary until Alphys was able to fill the positions they were covering, but they evidently couldn’t continue this much longer now that Sans was beginning to fray. The guard was right about one thing; she had in fact bitten off more than she (or Sans really) could chew. 

The tips of her claws were between her teeth. She could be overreacting… it was only one mistake and she usually took her own judgements with a grain of salt. But she couldn’t bear drowning Sans in all that paperwork much longer, for his sake rather than hers.

Maybe she’d ignored the problem long enough.

Still lightly fuming, she went to take a hot shower and brew over his rudeness some more while thinking of a possible solution to this dilemma. 

...

There was probably a better way to run the green wire from the cannon to the bicep than splicing, but that would require carefully removing it completely and finding a lengthier piece before going through the process of attaching the new one, so splicing seemed easier. This one was barely an inch too short, but Alphys could hardly believe her error in measurement. Royal scientists didn’t miscalculate. Sure, they double-checked themselves, but they were usually right both times. 

However, overly stressed, utterly exhausted, deeply depressed, anxiety ridden, traumatized monsters forced into a position of overwhelming responsibility and authority might slip up from time to time.

Pressing the blade to the rubber insulator, a look of tense concentration passed over her face as if performing surgery. She needed to be delicate and cut only the insulator, not the wire. It was a simple procedure she’d successfully done a thousand times with no exaggeration, but a slip of the wrist would ruin the whole wire, so keeping a steady hand, tongue brushing the tips of her teeth, she proceeded to make the incision.

Alphys jumped at the resounding ring of the doorbell, and of course the blade sliced partially through the wire. 

It was probably for the best since splicing did cause a decrease in reliability of the wire, as if fate was calling her out on her laziness, but it was irritating nonetheless. Perhaps it should have been expected—why should she ever catch a break?

She let out a frustrated noise setting the blade down in defeat before scooting out from her chair and headed to the front door. At least Sans was home finally before the morning ebbed away completely.

She undid the lock and opened the door to find Sans with a cup holder tray carrying four large coffees. 

“Heya,” He said moving through the threshold into the dining room while Alphys shut and bolted the door behind him.

The stress having accumulated since the guard’s arrival began to simmer down. It was nice to have someone else in the house again, who wasn’t the rude guard.

“Hey, glad you’re home,” She replied with a tired smile, following him and the delightful scent of long awaited coffee. It seemed just the smell of the precious substance wafting through the house was enough to sooth the headache beginning to form behind her eyes.

Sans placed the drinks on the table not bothering to move the papers beneath it and took a cup for himself, pulled out a chair with his foot then sat himself down with a sigh. “I second that notion. Amazing how exhausting it is to take the scenic route.” 

Alphys didn’t know what he meant by that, nor did she bother to question it. Sans took a sip while she found a seat opposite him and claimed the second coffee. Comforting warmth seeping through the sides greeted her fingers.

She indulged in a lengthy draft, finding he’d added cream and sugar for her. What she didn’t find though, was the reason behind bringing more than two.

She lowered the sweet beverage for a moment. “Why four?”

“It’s the most I could carry.” He said.

“Right.” In her haze of tiredness, she’d forgotten caffeine was their oxygen. She wouldn’t be surprised to find they’d finished them all off in one sitting.

“So, did I miss anything interesting?” Sans asked, popping the top off his cup apparently having decided it inhibited his progress in downing his caffeine fix.

“Oh actually,” She began, Sans’ gaze flicking to her at the shift in tone. “While you were gone a guard came by.”

“A guard…?” Confusion passed over his expression before melting into realization. “Wait-ah jeez I forgot about the guard schedule. Damn it.” He sighed, clapping a hand to his forehead. “I’ll finish it, do you still have it?”

“N-no I gave it to him, but that’s not what I’m trying to say. I was um, going to say I was thinking of hiring somebody.” She said with a hopeful smile, thumb feeling along the edge of the plastic top.

To her slight horror, Sans was quiet for a lengthy second in which her thumb dug into the cardboard cup.

“…I mean, yeah of course anything you wanna do is great,” He said, “But if this is because you’re worried I’m gonna mess up more-”

“N-no wait!” Alphys cried, stricken, nearly knocking over her drink. “No that’s not what I meant, it’s b-because-- I mean we both know y-you have w-way too much work and always h-have and you weren’t ever meant to keep having to deal with s-so much work, so not that I d-don’t think you can’t handle it, it’s just that I d-don’t want you to because y-you shouldn’t have to and you could use a b-break? I mean you have needed a break f-for a long time actually.” 

She was rambling, and it was all she could hope for that she was coherent, but she couldn’t bear to have Sans think for even a second that she thought little of him. They’d worked together in the past, of course she knew he was competent. That was why she’d entrusted him from the beginning with such an important job, but more than the work, she cared about his wellbeing and thought it was about time she helped him out.

Startled by the outburst, his expression slowly softened as she continued, looking vaguely sheepish by the end, eyes facing down towards the table.

“No you’re right, sorry. Well, thank you anyway that’s…yeah that’d be helpful,” He said, nodding, fingers curling around his coffee again. “But really no rush to finding someone okay? I’m a-okay Alph, thanks for lookin’ out for me.”

“Y-yeah.” She smiled a little nervously, mirroring his movements. 

They both took a simultaneous sip.

“Yeah… s-so um… do you have any input on which position might be easiest to fill?” She said, mostly to diffuse the awkwardness before it settled. Sans seized the opportunity, weaving the conversation back together gracefully.

He leaned back against his chair, cradling his coffee with a thoughtfulness clouding his expression. “Hmm, well I don’t have anyone in mind for captain of the guard or royal scientist, but you could hold tryouts. Then we might get a better idea of our options.”

She figured he’d suggest that, after all it was the logical solution, however hesitant she was to approach it.

“Th-that’s what I was thinking and probably what I’ll end up doing… I don’t know something just feels wrong about it. Is it just me?” 

“No.” He said curtly, and had she blinked she would have missed the subtle dimness in his eyes, like a candle deprived of oxygen for only a moment before regaining its usual strength. It wasn’t something he wanted to discuss. She wasn’t sure what his hesitation was, but she knew why she was worried.

Propping her chin in her hand, she exhaled, eyes lazing along the floor. Alphys had already decided to hire someone to help Sans, there was no doubt about that, but the thought of filling the position previously occupied by Undyne felt too soon, and probably always would. However…

“How about royal scientist?” She said, raising her brows. “I don’t need that job anymore, maybe there’s someone qualified?” 

It was eliminating her safety net without a job to fall back on, and in doing so she had to put her trust in herself and all citizens that she made a worthy queen and would continue to be queen for the foreseeable future. The thought was daunting, but preferable to replacing Undyne.

He considered it a moment before passing it off with a shrug. “I doubt it, I know just about everyone and I don’t know of anyone qualified, but tryouts are a good move. Let’s people know you’re looking at least. It’ll take some time since it’s not something you should rush, especially for my sake anyway. We didn’t have a scientist for the longest time until Asgore chose you.”

“That’s true,” She said, biting her lip. This process should have started a while ago had she been better at her job. “But I really would like to find someone to help more quickly. I know you keep saying you’re fine but I don’t want you ever to get to the point where you’re not.” The claw slid from her chin to pinch the bridge of her nose. “Ugh I wish there were two of you… that’d be… wait.” 

Her eyes snapped open, unseeing and lost in sudden thought. She slapped her hand to the table, glancing up to see Sans’ eyes trained on her, awaiting her revelation. “Oh my god. Remember Napstablook?”

Skepticism flitted across his face. “Uh…yes, the guy from yesterday.” 

She had barely heard him, tail lashing in sudden excitement. “Okay, so just thinking out loud here but, what if I ask them to come in and help with the paperwork like a second royal advisor? Like they don’t even want to stay at the castle, they’d just drop in sometimes and help out—with pay of course, they’d have a job that fits whatever schedule they want and it would be leagues better than working alone on a snail farm.”

Alphys was on a roll, heart racing at the thought of getting to see Napstablook more often and balancing out Sans’ workload all in a single perfect solution. How had she not thought of it before? Despite her excitement, she did not fail to notice Sans’ hesitation.

“You sure they want to? I mean, don’t get me wrong, it sounds great,” He said earnestly. “My only thing is, you might need to be careful how you ask because they seem like the kind of guy who would let themselves be pressured into something they don’t really wanna do for the sake of pleasing someone. Say, a new friend.” He gestured towards her with an upturned palm. “And… hate to bring this up, but you also know something about their cousin that they don’t.”

“But it wouldn’t hurt to ask them, would it?” She replied, a little defensively. “Obviously I’ll make sure they’re comfortable with it-- I’ve been on the other end of that situation more times than I can count s-so I’ll make sure not to force them into anything, b-but I really think they’ll take the job if for n-no other reason than to be around some friendly faces, it just seems so lonely there…” Her face fell at the thought of Sans’ second point which she could not dodge around. “Oh, but M-Mettaton… that’s true, I’m not sure.” It was the sole issue to an otherwise impeccable solution, and what an issue it was. Whether it should be the deciding factor though was another matter.

It was shocking when she found out Napstablook had been left in the dark about something so important, but it was a fact she simply planned on ignoring. But now that Napstablook might be around much more often all while she worked on a defense mechanism inspired by their dead cousin, it could be time to confront the truth.

“Are you gonna tell them?” Sans asked, breaking the silence having filled the room while Alphys worked through the thought, and even with so much uncertainty, as he asked she found she had an answer.

Gaze fixed on the table, she realized her thumb had been digging thick scratches into the cardboard cup. Retracting her hand, she brought the knuckle to her lips biting the tip nervously. “…No. Is that wrong?”

Sans simply shrugged, and Alphys almost thought it inappropriate for such a tense subject before he continued, “I don’t know but if I were in your shoes I’d do the same thing. Don’t have the heart for that.”

Sans took another deep sip of coffee as casually as if discussing the lack of weather. Alphys chewed her nails, anxiety burning in her throat—decisiveness had never come easy for her, but it felt as if there were only one option.

“Y-yeah… I think they’re b-better off not knowing.” She said, nodding to herself. “I d-don’t know if it’s my call t-to make but…I just d-don’t think I can tell them.” 

Surely the guilt would claw hungry and furious in the near future, hell bent to keep her awake at night in a way she was so disgracefully accustomed to, but just as surely, Napstablook would remain naïve. It wasn’t truly lying to them so much as it was protecting them from even more pain… right? Or was it less for them and more for herself, to prevent confronting the bleak truth yet again?

Either way, she supposed the reasons didn’t matter. The action, or lack of action, was far more damning. What was she to do when the alternative was unthinkable? 

“Maybe it won’t even be a problem.” Sans said, cutting through the silence for the second time. “You should call them now and see if they’re interested.”

“Y-yeah,” She patted around her pockets for her phone and found it in her hoodie. A little red missed call notification caught her attention. “Oh, you know I forgot to listen to your voicemail.”

“Just delete it, it’s not important.” Sans said with a dismissive wave.

Claws shaking slightly, she clicked past the notification and pulled up their number.

“Ugh, I hate phone calls…” She muttered, forcing herself to press the call button and get it over with. As it rang she began to pace, feeling her heart beating in her throat and palms sweating before a soft, slightly echoing voice answered.

“Hello…?”

“H-hiya!” She said with a smile, trying to sound positive and encouraging, but not overwhelming. “S-so, I had a question for you… and um, it’s totally fine if you don’t want to, I was just wondering if you might want a, um… job at the castle? With a flexible schedule to fit whenever you want to come in, so no pressure to be around all the time—not that you also can’t do that but um… w-what do you think?”

The timid voice took a moment to respond, “Oh… are you sure? That’s so kind of you…thank you so much, but I don’t want to mess anything up for you…”

Their reaction was about what she expected and so she had a response ready.

“No, y-you wouldn’t!” She said firmly, turning as she reached the edge of the dining room. “I’d make s-sure you know what to do and h-how to handle things.”

“You’re so nice to me… oh I don’t know…. What would I be doing?” They said, sounding on the verge of tears.

“It’s…” She paused, glancing at Sans who was now resting his head on his arms with an empty cup to his right, watching her pace. “You know maybe Sans can explain it better.” 

She waited for some sign of reassurance while Napstablook said something about not wanting to inconvenience him. 

“Sure,” He said, outstretching a hand for the phone.

“You’re fine, it’s n-not an inconvenience, h-here’s Sans,” She said handing Napstablook over.

Sans shifted, still hunched over the table with the phone pressed to his skull.

“Heya, you’re basically gonna be working with me—and that’s about the hardest part of the job, heh—but it’s really a bunch of-” A sudden tension flickered over his expression and he sat up looking uneasy. “Wait no I was just joking. No, you didn’t make me feel bad about myself… oh boy.” He slid a hand over his eyes, listening for another moment before pressing a hand over the speaker and turned to Alphys. “I made them cry.” 

He went back to listening while Alphys cast him an apologetic look.

“J-just keep talking, they cry p-pretty easily.” She whispered, tapping her fingers together.

Sans rested his chin in his hand and Alphys lurked over the table. She had faith he’d show patience with Napstablook but could only hope he’d say the right things to convince them. It didn’t seem like they were off to a very good start.

“C’mon buddy, don’t be like that. You know it’d be a real treat for me to work with you. Of course, make your own decision but not on the basis that you’d drag us down. Because that’s a lie.” He paused, eyeing the ceiling then nodded, taking on a more casual tone. “Yeah, I do think so, I’m not just saying that… Filling out paperwork is all it really is, like creating guard schedules, reading through various reports whether from the CORE or patrols or citizens-- it’s not hard, just boring.” He gestured vaguely while he listed duties, glancing at Alphys brows raised.

Alphys would have been on the edge of her seat had she not been standing. Her clammy hands were clasped together, heart dancing in her throat, not daring to take her eyes off Sans. Slowly, a smile crept along his mouth and Alphys let out a tiny squee.

“Okay yeah, you can start whenever. Just come up to the castle when you’re ready and, like Alphys said you don’t have a schedule…Thanks a bunch, me and Alph are thrilled... Tomorrow then? Sounds like a plan. Well, see ya’ then.” He said, lingering on the line for a moment before setting the phone down with a clack. “So you’ve got a new royal advisor.” 

“Yes!” She threw her arms around Sans, laughing into his jacket. It smelled of stale coffee and dirty clothes, but she couldn’t care less. “I thought they’d say yes, but thank you, y-you really made them feel better I think.”

Sans hugged her back without hesitation, bare bones pressing oddly against her back. “Heh, yeah no prob. I’m real glad you wanted to hire them, it’ll be fun having them around.”

“I think so too,” She said, breaking off the embrace, feeling more excited than she had in perhaps months.

They’d done a lot in their time within the castle, but mostly small things and Alphys felt that hiring Napstablook would do a significant amount of good for all of them. It was fleeting, perhaps the momentary thrill would wear off within the hour, but all the more reason to savor it.

…

Alphys had lived most her life solely off cup-of-noodles. Sans had a chef for a brother who was always eager to cook (even if it was the same thing over and over again) and lived right down the road from bar that made up the rest of his diet, so neither of them were cooking material. They ordered takeout disgustingly often.

“Uh…” Sans said, sinking lower onto the couch, one hand draped across his middle, the other dangling off the edge. “Let’s just order pizza again.” 

She groaned, throwing herself dramatically over the backrest from behind the sofa. “That’s like the third or fourth time this week, we’ve gotta have something other than pizza.”

“Well, I’m not cooking and there’s nowhere else nearby that delivers.” He said, glancing up at her.

“I know,” She sighed, they’d been over this before. “But we’re actually going to die if we keep eating nothing but pizza, Sans. God, why is figuring out dinner plans so stressful?”

Their good spirits since that morning had thoroughly depleted by the end of the day and the immediate task of figuring out dinner took priority. Empty coffee cups littered a table coated in a few less papers than this morning and the defense mechanism was a bit closer to completion.

He let out a huff, shutting his tired eyes. “We could go somewhere. Maybe we need to get out of the house.”

She chewed the thought for a moment, wondering if it would take another spur of desperation to get her to leave the house anytime soon. “W-well, there are less people out this late… it’s still m-more of a hassle than I think I can deal with for now.”

“’Course, whatever you want.” He shrugged, cracking open an eye. “Well, what’s the most disgusting topping combination you can think of?”

“Oh my god.” 

They went with pineapple, spinach, mushrooms, and anchovies with extra sauce and pizza crust stuffed with a hot dog, which surprisingly enough was an option. Sans made the call and grinned upon being asked for any special instructions, probably having already prepared an answer.

“Do you think you could draw, to the best of your ability, a trash can and then a circle beside it on the box?”

The girl on the phone sounded less surprised and more tired-of-this-shit, whether from recognizing Sans’ voice or getting similar requests from other customers. “Yes sir. Anything else?”

He glanced at Alphys who shrugged, “Cutest pizza deliverer?” 

“And your cutest pizza guy. Thanks a bunch, have a good night.” He clicked the phone off and dropped it to the floor then crossed his arms over his face, resting his eyes a while longer.

“Why the trash can and circle?” Alphys asked, making a daring attempt to push herself over the back of the couch and onto the seat instead of going around. Clinging to the back-rest in an act of pure athleticism, she kicked her feet off the ground and gracefully scrabbled her toes around to find some foot hold.

“Oh yeah,” He said, peeking out from behind his sleeves to watch as, after a valiant effort, she dropped to the ground in defeat, circled the couch, and sat down beside him with a dip of the cushions. “It was supposed to be a hyper-realistic portrait of us.”

She let out a loud, snort-laugh, quickly covering her mouth to stifle the onset of giggles.

The doorbell rang a while later for the third time that day, and seeing as Sans was half asleep and didn’t seem to hear it, Alphys slid off the couch and shuffled over to the door.

Before her stood an orange cat monster looking fairly exhausted with a disheveled pizza hat and black uniform splashed with powdery flour stains. It almost looked like a starry night sky on her polo.

Alphys had seen her before on the occasion she delivered their pizza, but only from the background since Sans always answered the door. 

Her brows raised slightly upon seeing Alphys but showed no other sign of surprise as she handed over the pizza.

“I know you asked for the cutest deliverer, but I’m the only one working tonight. 20G, please. Your majesty.” She said in a near monotone, looking equally apathetic as she waited for payment with her weight shifted to her hip.

“Oh w-well, I think we got wh-what we asked for,” She said, heart leaping as the words left her mouth. Really she meant it just to be nice, but what if she took it as flirting? Which would have been outrageous for her ordinarily, but as queen it was simply inappropriate. “W-w-wait, I’m n-not hitting on y-you or a-anything, I—oh h-hold on.” Pizza balanced in one hand she hid her flushed face whilst rummaging through her pockets for money, pulled out 38G, shoved it in her outstretched hand without looking up. “K-keep the change.”

A soft giggling however was enough for her to face the cat and found her genuinely amused, eyes crinkled, a hand at her mouth.

“I didn’t know the queen was so sweet. Anyway, don’t worry about it, I got what you meant,” She said, winking almost tauntingly. “Have a good night.”

Alphys backed into the doorway, shutting the door with her foot before finally letting out the breath she didn’t know she was holding. She needed a moment to recover from the ordeal, remembering again why it might be a bad idea for her to go out in public.

At least Sans was more or less out of it.

“G’job Alph, smooth as butter, but if I’d known that’s what you wanted I would’ve shared some of my irresistible pickup lines with you,” Sans’ called, sitting up suddenly with an alertness that suggested he’d been wide awake, throwing an arm around the back of the couch. “You know what would go great with this pizza? A pizza you.” He said with a snap of his fingers, grinning gleefully. 

“Oh my god, stop!” She groaned, moving swiftly into the dining room to escape his jeers and tossed the box on the table.

Still, his deep voice carried into the dining room, coated with enjoyment that had so long evaded him.

“Are you dough? Because I knead you.”

She huffed, one claw hiding her smiling face and the other tapping against the table. Sans sounded happy, and she was going to keep it that way, but not just at her own expense. She peered around the threshold towards the living room.

“The average monster skeleton has r-roughly 216 bones, want another?” She said, effectively incapacitating Sans as he wheezed with laughter, clapping a hand to his forehead.

“Oh boy, I’m dead Alph. You’ve killed me.” He fell back onto the couch and out of sight and Alphys took the liberty of opening up the pizza box. Sure enough, a misshapen circle and garbage can with stink lines over it resided on the inside as well as a the most unappealing pizza she’d ever seen.

Cardinal red sauce oozed through the layer of cheese creating a pool for the anchovies to swim and slimy spinach to float atop like moss, sprinkled with out of place pineapple and floppy mushrooms for an altogether awful pizza, which would have been back enough if it weren’t for the crust. The crust was nauseating, overflowing with grease and oddly rounded to contain the hotdog that certainly did not belong there. The smell of the meat overpowered the rest of the pizza rather than mixing well the way pepperoni did, and Alphys decided they had very much accomplished their goal of ruining dinner. Trying it would be a memorable experience.

She cupped a hand over the side of her mouth, both to carry her voice and shield herself from the scent and said, “So do you want a slice of the grossest pizza ever?”

“Obviously,” Sans said immediately, kicking his legs off the side of the couch and made his way to the dining room. “We ride together, we dine together my friend.”

She turned back towards the ordeal laying before her, wondering how the oceans of grease hadn’t leaked through the box. “If this kills us, let my legacy stand as the queen who died eating garbage pizza.”


	8. how about some skeleton angst ill bet you’ve never seen that before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> half this chapter is just sans repeatedly getting kicked in the shins but it was fun to write. Ah man anyway thanks for all the comments and kudos, it really means the world to me <33 so I was gonna make this chapter longer but I realize now that’s a bad idea these are so long omg, not to mention how ridiculously time consuming and difficult every chapter is to write aaaAA

It might have been the routine that was slowly killing him. Every day was more or less the same; coffee, work, talk to Alphys, work some more, take a nap. Days turned to weeks then to months and he didn’t even notice, though to be fair time was a blur even before all of this. 

The world wasn’t resetting to his knowledge. Every now and then a sense of déjà vu would send chills down his spine, but he would always overlook them since they were most likely nothing—Alphys was still queen, he was still there, Papyrus wasn’t. 

He wasn’t alone either, time was wearing down the both of them evidently, or maybe it was just his own faltering that rubbed off on Alphys. Maybe she was sad for him, or just sad in general, he didn’t know. He didn’t ask. Bad days were perpetual and there were a lot of reasons for her to feel sad, but his was different.

In truth, he couldn’t remember a run that had gone on for this long, ever. Of course, his memory was riddled with gaps of missing information and pieces that had decayed over time because he never recalled a reset in its entirety. 

He saw a handshake with a stranger he’d met a thousand times before, a blood red scarf abandoned against the snow that he couldn’t tell apart from the powdery dust sifting through his shaking fingers, a lonely knock against a door with no one on the other side, Undyne’s defeated howls as she slowly melted like plastic against a furnace, vines with the uncharacteristic strength of something far more deadly and sinister, and yet he’d seen happy times.

He recalled the sun meshed with vibrant orange and sunflower yellow painted across an open sky, the human grinning gleefully up at his brother in an unfamiliar home and a place not coated in miles of snow, Papyrus soaring across an empty road with his red streak of a scarf flying out heroically in a car Sans had always wanted to buy him.

More than anything he remembered feelings of dread, fear, joy, even peace that he’d never known.

Sometimes he could piece together stories with fragmented memories to decide what the hell happened, or never happened, and from thousands of pieces of broken glass he could stitch together rough ideas of every single ending.

From this, he was fairly certain there had never been one that dragged on for so long. It could be meaningless and probably was, after all resets had never ceased before, but the longer he was without Papyrus the less okay he was. 

In his case time did not heal all wounds…at least not in the way it should.

It was these quiet times, similar to the moments before going to bed when thoughts flooded his head, that he noticed things. Alphys seemed more subdued than she used to be. Sometimes she just sounded flat and emotionless, and in those times her voice did not shake and she seemed dead and she looked dead and gazed at him with dead eyes and no expression and in those times she wanted to be alone and he would let her, because he trusted her. He knew she still wanted to die, but that the people’s best interests had to come first now and so she would not kill herself. 

Some days she would cry, and still other times she’d laugh, and they’d forget that people were dead and that the hope of the whole of the underground rested on their shaking shoulders, and they could be okay if just for a while. 

He was fully prepared for this scenario, and he had known it was coming. He’d seen the signs and knew the story, but when was it going to reset? He thought for sure that he’d be home with his brother by now, that this whole nightmare would be just that; a nightmare. He would go back to how things used to be, and await for the human to come again and be thrown back into the damned loop, but at least everyone would be alive again.

But he was still here. Still waking up to the same unfamiliar castle roof, still pressing his hands to his eyes heavy with exhaustion that worsened with each day, still seeing his friend struggling to hold on, still adjusting to the unsettling quiet that was never there when his brother was alive, still waiting, watching, hoping he’d wake up to the wooden roof of their home in Snowdin in his own room, their own house, and it wouldn’t be so damn quiet anymore. Wouldn’t be so damn empty.

Sometimes when he was alone or not preoccupied with something to keep his mind off of it, he wondered if this was going to last forever, and it was a horrifying thought. He couldn’t do this forever. The human could go to hell for what they did, but the one good thing about the resets was that when the damage was done, not that it ever should have been done, but it at least it could be undone, and it was always undone. Not knowing when it was going to happen was awful. He was utterly powerless to do anything about it but keep waiting. 

He very nearly grinned to himself at the thought of how sick, how disgustingly ironic it was that he was longing for another reset.

“Sans…?”

The voice was so soft he very nearly missed it over his thoughts, but after it registered he glanced up to see a faintly glowing Napstablook hovering opposite him (they didn’t need a chair), headphones hanging around their… neck?

They’d been working quietly for a while on the stack of work on the dining table, though truthfully Sans hadn’t been getting a whole lot done.

He learned rather quickly Napstablook didn’t make great conversation, so the two mostly didn’t talk save for a friendly hello once they arrived, then Napstablook would listen to their music and get to work. It wasn’t awkward really, they still enjoyed each other’s company even if Sans would have liked to chat a bit more, but this was why it was so odd for Napstablook to stop their music and speak up.

Even they seemed surprised with them self, seeming to shrink a little before continuing, “Sorry to bother you... you just looked upset…is everything okay?”

Whatever daze Sans was in faded completely at the other’s concern. He flashed them a tired smile, the best he could do for the time being. “Aw, I’m fine buddy. Thanks for asking, but don’t worry about it. Just got lost in my thoughts for a second.”

“Oh…”

Napstablook seemed like they wanted to say something but just wasn’t sure what, so instead they stared for a moment too long, nearly expressionless. They apparently didn’t notice what they were doing, but Sans was fairly uncomfortable.

He should say something. It was once in a blue moon Napstablook wanted to talk for more than a few seconds at a time. Plus he just really wanted those dead eyes off him. It was like the ghost could somehow see into his soul, which was ridiculous, but it wasn’t a good feeling.

Sans nodded to their headphones, “What are you listening to?”

The listless white orbs finally broke their stare, “It’s nothing really… just some songs I made… is that weird? To listen to your own music…?”

Sans brightened, finally latched on to a conversation topic, and one of genuine interest nonetheless. “You make music? Can I have a listen? If you don’t mind showin’ me of course.”

“You want to? They’re not very good but…” They slid off the headphones and did their best to give them to Sans, but their nubby hands could only reach so far. 

“Thanks bud,” Sans said and leaned across the table, which originally belonged to a monster twice his size, and after standing on his chair a little managed to grab the headphones and jam them on.

The tune was like vaporwave—very ambient and the sort of thing you could relax to, but made your brain feel fuzzy after too long. 

Sans liked all kinds of music and Napstablook’s was no exception. The difference, and what Sans found fascinating, was that they actually made their own.

The song ended and he pulled off the headphones, meeting Napstablook’s eagerly awaiting expression. “Bro, this is amazing, how have I not known about this?”

Napstablook literally glowed like a lamp at the sentiment, smiling sweetly in a way that seemed unfitting upon their usually blank face. “Do you really think so? That’s so nice of you…do you wanna hear more…?” They asked, voice tinged with hope, and Sans had never seen them so emotive. It was heartwarming and enough to draw Sans from his own dreary state if just for this. Just for a couple songs. 

He really was fond of Napstablook.

“’Course, there’s nothin’ I’d like more.” He said, and right on cue Napstablook drifted across the table, phone in hand.

“Okay…um…” They handed the phone to Sans to the best of their ability. “There’s a playlist of my songs…you can look through them if you want…” 

The list was surprisingly extensive consisting of a good thirty songs as he scrolled through. 

Sans possessed oceans of patience and a knack for making people he cared about happy, and so he meant it when he said, “I’m gonna listen to all of ‘em.” 

They shone like the moon, smiling about as wide as Sans supposed they could. “Oh gee…heh, that’s so nice of you…but you really don’t have to…”

“Nope, I want to. Hows about we put it on speaker? We can listen together.” He switched the headphones off, slid the phone towards the middle of the table, and clicked a song. “I’m just gonna start at the bottom with ‘Ghostly’.”

“That one is pretty old… don’t judge it too hard…”

“Aw c’mon dude, I’m sure it’s great.”

They went back to work now sprinkled with casual chatter. Most of their songs radiated the same ambience as the first which kept the tone chill—Sans thought it felt like staying inside on rainy days. Monsters were naturally drawn to music, but still Sans was surprised at how helpful it was for concentrating, lifting the mood, and getting Napstablook to open up, even if about nothing in particular.

Sans asked them about the snail farm, Waterfall, their favorite songs, whether they liked the job, and steered away from whatever seemed to bum them out until the transition between song seventeen and eighteen when Napstablook said, “Um… can I ask you something?”

Whoops, he didn’t mean to put Napstablook on the spot with so many questions. He supposed it was his turn.

He nodded. “Shoot.”

“Well, I was just wondering… do you know where your brother is?”

Suddenly, like blowing out a candle, the music was gone and the warm comfort that went along with it. For just a moment, Sans was alone and the room was dead quiet. 

He was pressing the pen just a little too hard against his paper and silent for just a bit too long for Napstablook not to notice.

Their expression fell into one of unease, color fading ever so slightly. “Y-you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to… oh how rude of me, but I can’t remember his name.” They looked away, eyes grazing the table almost shamefully. “I only ever met him once...he was just so nice… I wanted to know if he was okay…”

Their concern was so genuine, so innocent like his brother and Sans wouldn’t give in to feeling, not yet anyway. He was caught off guard, yes, but he could come back from it and smooth things over.

He cleared his throat of whatever bitterness resided there, throwing on a smile for good measure. “Heh, sorry, I didn’t know you knew him, guess that threw me a little. He’s fine, he’s… on vacation for a while.” Every word singed his mouth at dumbing his brother’s death down to a vacation, but he could handle it—surely it wasn’t anything he hadn’t done before. “How’d you meet him, anyway?”

They seemed a tinge more relaxed, but nowhere near the level of comfort attained from before, and Sans doubted they were going to reach it again today. Still, they responded with something other than crying, so that was progress. 

“Well, my neighbor introduced him one day and he mentioned you, so…and I had seen him around Waterfall with her before so…I-I’m so sorry to offend…” They murmured, their body turning translucent like milky water. Sans could practically hear their heart shatter against the floor. 

Quickly Sans waved a dismissive hand, laughing more stiffly than he intended, hopefully not enough for them to notice. “Nah, you didn’t know. It’s nothin’ bud, I’m just not sure when he’ll be back is all,”

“Oh…well if it helps I know that feeling…” They attempted a comforting look, but it came off as their usual sad smile. He didn’t think they were capable of solace, and still they continued. “My cousin and I used to be really close. He promised he’d stay with me and we’d run the family farm together, but now he’s gone and I’m all alone there…” They seemed to lose themselves for a moment, gaze drifting off to something Sans couldn’t see, still bearing that sad smile. “Maybe he’ll be back, or maybe he won’t. He’s been gone a long time, anyway… I used to think maybe I’d see him again, but now I’m not so sure… I do hope he’s okay, or at least happy wherever he is…” They blinked, seeming to find them self once again. “Oh, I’m rambling again, aren’t I?” They met Sans with those sad, lifeless eyes as if they’d just said something motivational and touching. 

Sans was at a bit of a loss for words. After all, what was he supposed to say to that? How was he supposed to come back from their soliloquy when nearly every single sentence that left the ghost’s mouth made him think of Papyrus? But Napstablook took care of the problem for him.

“Oh noooo…. I’ve made everything sad… don’t worry, I used to feel really bad about it, but not so much anymore. It just takes time….” They said, and Sans felt drops of rain from the gloomy cloud over his head as he propped his chin in his hand and let out a slow exhale. Their words were like shifting a broken bone rather than letting it heal, and the good intentions behind them did nothing to ease the pain.

“Yeah, just gotta wait it out.” He glanced at the time on Napstablook’s phone, vaguely wondering if he could get away with excusing himself for a nap. Perhaps he could stick it out until Napstablook went home. “How’s about we talk about something lighter, huh?”

…

The only light in their living room came from the TV glare, illuminating the two against the dark. Sans drew his blanket close like a shawl, gaze lingering on the screen before turning to his brother. 

“Have we seen this one before?” 

For Sans they were all reruns. Even if he didn’t quite remember the whole episode, he still felt an overwhelming sense of familiarity that made the show even harder to enjoy (he was never a fan of MTT). He wasn’t sure which ones Papyrus had seen. 

Sans was more than happy to watch with him however, since the real reward was seeing how happy it made his brother. Catching Papyrus’ face light up once was worth more to him than every episode combined.

“Nope! It’s brand new. How exciting!” Papyrus chirped, kicking his feet a little, arms thrown around a pillow as some sort of outlet for his jitters. 

The episode consisted of nothing special, just the talking box interviewing some people around MTT resort, but Papyrus clung to every word.

“He has such handsome bishi eyes! How enrapturing!”

Mettaton didn’t have eyes, but Sans wasn’t about to point that out. 

“Yep, he’s pretty cool.” He nodded, glancing up at Papyrus. “But do you wanna know somethin’?”

“What?” Papyrus said, expression filled with such happy expectation, a genuine grin began tugging at the edges of Sans’ face.

He jabbed a finger at his brother. “You’re cooler.” 

For a split second he beamed looking absolutely thrilled before placing a hand to his chest and announcing, “Of course I am! The Great Papyrus is the coolest!” 

He turned back to the show for a moment before eyeing Sans again and added, “I hope you know Sans, but you are also a very cool brother!”

Sans raised his brows, “Yeah? Well, that means a lot comin’ from you.”

“Indeed! Compliments from the Great Papyrus are only of the highest regard!”

God, Sans had missed this. There was a warmth in his chest and the world felt so much lighter than he remembered. Who could know what the future would hold, but right then Sans felt that things were okay, that this is what there was to live for. It wasn’t much and it didn’t need to be, but for now things were alright.

The show ended and by then it felt pretty late, which wasn’t a problem for Sans who usually slept in, but Papyrus announced he needed his beauty sleep so he could get an early start the next day.

Sans kicked himself off the couch, blanket still wrapped around him like a robe. “Want me to read ‘ya a story tonight?”

Papyrus clapped his gloved hands together. “Absolutely!”

The single word seemed to echo as Sans blinked into consciousness. Still fuzzy and snug from sleep, he wondered if Papyrus was still in his room or if he’d already gone to start the day. Probably the latter, which was too bad. Sans missed him, it felt like a lifetime had passed since he’d gotten to spend any time with him. Maybe he could find out where he went off to and tag along for the day.

Letting out a breath of air, he rolled over, dangling an arm off the edge of the couch as he stared up at the—

It hit him like a blast of frigid water sinking deep within his marrow, ice cubes lodging between his ribs as he realize with widening eyes it was in fact the castle ceiling, not their wooden Snowdin home.

Had he any skin, surely he would be in danger of frostbite as the deadening cold spread.

He’d endured relentless nightmares and worried Alphys over them on several occasions, but having a good dream threw him a curveball. He couldn’t think of anything crueler his own mind could do to him. 

He draped an arm over his face, soaking up the fresh tears with his jacket sleeve, silent and expressionless. In a few minutes he’d be okay enough to get up, but that dream… that one hit hard. Unlike the nightmares which didn’t pack as much of a punch anymore, a happy dream was something he wasn’t used to and probably never would be. 

Finally the ordeal was over and he had what he so desperately wanted back, and it was such pathetically simple scenario, only to be ripped away from him again as a reminder he couldn’t even have that. Like a big fat flip off from the world.

The thought shook him, and his breaths quavered audibly before he gained control over them again.

After Napstablook went home, Sans had retired from the day’s work in the hopes of sleeping it off, which hadn’t worked in the way he’d hoped.

It was evening and working again today just seemed like something he couldn’t manage, and he was sure Alphys would understand. She’d been in her workshop just about all day, probably chasing a spike of fleeting motivation to get something done. 

You could force yourself to work, but it was never the same as wanting to do it. 

Or maybe she just needed to be alone today. He’d have to ask her how the defense mechanism was coming along when he got the chance.

As if on cue, he heard the tap of claws against the tile and a tail dragging across the floor, announcing her arrival.

“Sans?”

He debated with himself over whether to pretend he was asleep, then decided against it. It was too much work to make a show of waking up later, so he raised a hand over the back of the couch and waved it a bit.

“Heya,” He coughed to clear the scratchiness from his voice. “‘Sup Alph?”

She wandered over and smiled down at him from over the backrest. She looked tired, and from behind her glasses circles had formed beneath her eyes, but alright other than that. “Oh hey, how’s your day been going?”

“Pretty okay,” He said, dragging a wrist over his eye as if to rub the exhaustion from it. “Did you know Napstablook mixes music?”

“Yeah, they mentioned that.” She said, resting her cheek in her claw. “I haven’t actually gotten to hear any of their songs yet.”

Sans reached over his head, arching his spine in a stretch before answering, “Well they’re worth listening to when you get the chance. How’s the robot going?”

Alphys sighed, gesturing vaguely. “It’s… going. I haven’t made as much progress as I thought I would have by now, but you know, it’s… it’s in the works.” She paused, watching him lazily throw his blanket on the floor before slowly sitting up and brought his knees to his chest. “…is something wrong?” 

The lights of his eyes flicked to her. “Nah, I’m fine. Just tired,”

“Um…” She murmured, tapping her fingers against the couch. He figured she’d be unconvinced and it wasn’t worth the effort of fighting whatever she was about to say. “Y-you know, you don’t need to lie to me, right?” She said gently.

Strictly, it wasn’t a lie. He was tired and also fine depending on your definition, but he said nothing and remained attentive. 

“I-I mean, I know that look on your face, Sans. And… we’re friends, it’s alright to… to talk about what’s bothering you if you want?” Her voice was coated in kindness and concern he didn’t deserve. She was worried and he owed it to her to open up a little.

Letting out a huff of defeat, he leaned against the armrest and closed his eyes.

“Yeah. It’s nothing you can’t guess,” He shrugged childishly. “I miss him.”

It wasn’t the answer she was looking for, but it was all he could give.

She didn’t respond for a few seconds, but surprised him when she did, “I think we should get out of here. I think it would do us both good to…to get outside and hang out for a while?”

“Seriously?” Sans asked, eyes snapping open. He lifted his head, a smile forming along his mouth. 

Alphys nodded quickly, as if worried she’d back out if she didn’t agree now. “T-there’s not a lot of people wandering about right now anyway, it’ll be fine.” She was wringing her hands nervously, but a determination glinted in her eye that told him he couldn’t talk her out of it even if he wanted to.

Leaving was a pretty big step and he was glad to see she was going outside of her comfort zone, literally. It was better than he could do.

“Well, I can’t think of much of anything else I’d rather be doing. How’s about we swing into town and grab a bite to eat? It’ll be a nice break from bad pizza.” 

…

It was cooler in the evening, not due to a sun setting across the horizon but magic used to simulate weather. It was the reason it snowed in Snowdin, rained in Waterfall, and breezes blew through Asgore’s garden. Similarly, their surroundings darkened later in the day to indicate nightfall lest monsters would be forced to sleep with light pouring in through their windows, and it would be terribly difficult to tell days apart.

As they passed through the capitol, quiet and discreet as ghosts, the lamplights began flickering to life creating a bluish blush along their path. Buildings here were more densely packed and elaborate, the architecture in some of the larger ones mimicking castles. The capitol had attracted the highest population of monsters of anywhere else in the underground, and for good reason. It was so vast there were a thousand things to do, and bustlingly lively in the day with a far more urban complexion than other cities. 

It wasn’t the place for Alphys and she was glad to only be there while the city life began dying down.

Anxiety manifested itself in her paranoid glances for monsters prowling about, and sighs of relief when the handful they passed failed to notice her. Her drawn hood shielded her face moderately well, but few who caught a good look would need her face to recognize the queen upon seeing the royal advisor alongside her and a familiar tail dragging along beneath her coat. Still, she felt a bit like a shady criminal walking wordlessly alongside Sans who was also well known and loved, so she thought it a little odd nobody stared. Perhaps they were all too absorbed in their task of getting home before dark to pay anyone else much thought.

To her surprise, they’d made it nearly halfway before a passerby on the opposite side of the street happened to notice Alphys. They did a double take, stopping in their tracks while Alphys and Sans did their best to avoid eye contact and keep walking. 

Finally, their luck had been stretched to the breaking point as the excited citizen called, “Your majesty!” and began scuttling towards them.

Whirling around at the exclamation, Sans locked eyes with the citizen, pressed a finger to his mouth, and hushed them urgently. They stopped in their tracks, looking puzzled as Sans made a show of checking both ways and over his shoulder. He then beckoned them forward and they moved timidly across, a little cautious but not disheartened to be in the presence of the reclusive queen.

“Your majesty,” They murmured again shrilly before turning to Sans. “And um… you!”

Alphys waved instinctively, pinning a warm grin upon her face, “H-hiya, nice to meet you.”

They seemed to fumble over their words for a moment, mouth working silently before spilling out, “What on earth are you doing outside the castle? I’ve never seen you outside before. My goodness, what an honor to see you!”

“Shhh, keep your voice down buddy,” Sans said, taking a small step forward and tossed another glance over his shoulder. “Trust me, we appreciate the sentiment, but we’re here on secret royal business my friend, so it’d be nice if you didn’t mention it to anyone that we’re here.”

Their eyes grew wide as plates in sudden understanding, but nodded vigorously, eyes training between Sans and Alphys fast enough to make them dizzy. “Oh of course! It was so nice to see you your highness! Oh, uh, both of you that is.” They said doing a sort of curtsy before scampering off.

“Y-you too!” Alphys squeaked, waving them off. She waited until they were out of earshot before turning to Sans and muttered, “Did you have to lie?”

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and they fell in step up the empty road once again. “I didn’t lie,” He said. “Secret royal business could be dinner, or anything else. Who knows? It’s secret.”

She wanted to argue that they could have just said they were going to dinner to avoid confusion and worry from whoever they were talking to about this ‘secret royal business’, but her growling stomach and fatigue quickly overcame the impulse. 

Immersed in their quiet walk, the surroundings seemed more evident than before. They passed a cute boutique with handmade garden dresses and top hats in the window, a pottery with clay masterpieces living alongside the messily painted creations of children, a tacky gift shop with a vibrant neon sign, and a simple florist surrounded by a wafting nostalgic scent and an ocean of green blanketed with a barrage of colors displayed outside.

A lady in a sunhat was tending to violet tulips, the flow from her watering can being the only noise besides their footsteps. She caught sight of them as they approached, and after watching for a moment, her ears perked and she hastily grabbed up a couple tulips and hurried towards them.

Alphys opened her mouth to say hello and raised a hand to wave, but the lady instead gently took her outstretched hand and placed a tulip in her palm.

“Oh, t-thank you so much,” She said, staring in astonishment at the rich, grape petals sprinkled with tiny droplets of water. She looked at the florist who placed a hand over her heart, eyes crinkling from the grin splitting her face. The florist then handed the second to Sans just as silently, but just as genuinely. 

He took it, turning it over in his palm gently, as if handling a small animal. “Aw, that’s real sweet of you,” 

She nodded to them each in turn and then hobbled off back to her shop, waving cheerfully as she left.

“H-have a safe night!” Alphys called after her, wondering if she should have said something more meaningful or thanked her more graciously, but it had all happened so fast, she didn’t have time to think through each and every move. 

She didn’t notice she was still staring off at the florist until Sans spoke, “So, you havin’ a good time?”

“Hm?” She blinked, breaking her gaze away. “Oh yeah, actually. This is really so much nicer than I thought it would be.”

In fact, in the moment the world felt warm and close and kind, she wondered why she didn’t leave the house more often. 

Feeling the rim of her hood, she tugged it off and was greeted by the brisk night air. No longer was it quite so frightening. She could handle this.

They continued as the night closed in, moving in and out of pockets of lamplight.

“You’re not going to miss having pizza all the time, are you?” She asked playfully nudging his shoulder.

Sans snorted. “Hell no.”

…

The café was far more modest in its design than some of the surrounding buildings. It was sprinkled with umbrella tables out front and bore large windows to peer inside at the treats and friendly faces. The colorfulness of rainbow Christmas lights that bordered the windows year round rivaled that of the florist’s flora. The place overall bore a comforting atmosphere, and it was it was a place Sans and Alphys could enjoy.

Sans pushed open the door with a tinkle of the bell atop.

“Welcome to the Comfort Corner,” A cashier recited, eyes glued to what Alphys could only assume to be a phone or book below the counter.

The inside itself was nearly empty save for a handful of stragglers since it wasn’t inherently a dinner place.

“Got anything you’re hungry for?” Sans asked, looking over the menu residing above the counter. “They’ve got fries if you can believe it. Don’t think that’s typical for cafés.”

“No, I don’t either…” In fact, the menu contained a variety of items she didn’t think were typical for cafés on top of your basic sandwiches, coffee, and smoothies. “Um, could you order for me?” 

“Yep, what’d you want?”

A crease formed between her brows as she scrutinized the menu a moment longer before coming to a final decision. “…Grilled cheese.”

“Really? Okay, but I’m getting you fries with it, something we can’t make at the castle.” He said, moving forward to the counter. As expected, the cashier looked up and gawked at Alphys upon recognizing her, which Sans ignored and proceeded to order.

In the meantime Alphys glanced around for a place to sit, and with a leap of her heart found a few attentive eyes trained on her from some already sitting down.

On multiple occasions she’d given a speech to a massive crowd of people at the monthly address, so in theory she should have been fine, and it was in part what helped her leave the house, so why was it her feet seemed stuck to the floor?

Why was it that as she watched excited peoples rise from their chairs and move to gather around greet her in what felt like slow motion, that all she could hear was the rapid thumping in her chest?

“No, you aren’t seeing things, Queen Alphys is here.”

Sans’ addressing the elephant in the room cut through her haze and time was flowing once again, and over the wave of babble and elation Sans resumed, “Yes, she is extremely cool and we get you all wanna say hi, but we’d appreciate some space. She’s just out enjoying dinner.”

This calmed the mini crowd and got them to sit back down with a disappointed murmur, although several pairs of eyes still lingered.

“B-but thanks t-to all of you for wanting to t-talk to me, I r-really appreciate it!” She said, a little too loud with what she hoped to be a comforting smile.

Whilst waiting for their food, they found a place to sit down in a corner by the window looking out upon the street. Sitting outside was tempting due to the relentless awed glances, but it was dark and the Christmas lights only provided so much light for the picnic tables.

Still, it wasn’t as bad as it could be. Alphys still found plenty of enjoyment there.

Sans sat across from her, their pair of tulips laying between them. It was their first quiet moment since they’d left the castle other than the general murmur of customers and clinks of dishes. The spectrum of lights outside cast a reflection across Sans’ weary expression, gaze resting on something outside. She felt tired just looking at him.

“So, are you feeling much better than earlier?” She asked.

He blinked, the lights of his eyes becoming more focused. “Oh yeah, getting out helped take my mind off it I think.” 

“Good! I’m really glad it helped,” She said with a nod, placing her head in her hand. “Um, thanks for looking out for me tonight, it made the whole thing a lot more manageable, and…you know I… I really think we should do this more often. I think it would be good to step out of my comfort zone a bit, and if it’s really helping you then win-win, right?”

“Agreed. Plus I’m sick of pizza, so now that won’t cause us an early death.”

Before Sans finished his sentence, the muffled theme to Mew Mew Kissy Cutie emanated from her pocket.

She fumbled around in her hoodie pocket before pulling out her phone, which was luckily quiet enough so as not to attract any more attention.

A tension passed over her expression upon seeing the screen. “It’s from the guard…?”

Perhaps it was a little disrespectful, but she had all members of the Royal Guard under the name “guard”. There weren’t very many, but even a few names was too much to keep track of on top of everything else she was dealing with.

Had she forgotten something? With both Sans and Napstablook working she found it unlikely.

A tinge of anxiety in her stomach, she answered the call.

“H-hello?”

At the tone of his voice, anxiety raged like a forest fire.

“Your majesty, there’s an emergency!”

Her eyes widened, heart pounding like a drum. “W-w-what?” She gasped, panic coursing through her veins.

“Alph?” Sans asked, but she couldn’t hear him. In that moment, there was nothing more important in the world than the phone call.

“A human has fallen! There has been a human spotted in Snowdin.”


	9. king and lionheart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howling ghosts they reappear  
> In mountains that are stacked with fear  
> But you're a king and I'm a lionheart
> 
> Warnings: mild gore

Of course it was only a matter of time, but neither of them thought it would happen so soon. Maybe it wasn’t soon, maybe they’d just been so caught up in their mountain of problems they’d lost track of time, but the human did come. 

The room spun and Alphys could not believe what she was hearing. Nothing felt real, and her own reactions were on autopilot while she watched outside herself.

Claw digging into the table, she stammered, “O-oh my god, is anyone hurt? W-what’s g-going on?”

Tremors flowed through her hands, and she leaned forward, pressing the phone closer in the hopes of steadying them.

“No, no one’s been hurt.” The guard continued, sounding slightly more controlled than before. “Members of the guard are trying to stop them now,”

Eyes widening in horror, her death grip on the table was the only thing keeping her grounded. “No! D-don’t do that, t-that’s the w-worst thing you could do! Do not f-fight them!” She pleaded, heart threatening to break through her chest. “O-okay, g-get everyone out of t-there r-right now, evacuate t-the town.”

“Alphys, I have a pretty good idea of what’s going on, and so does everyone here. We need to leave.” Sans’ urgent voice and the frightened murmurs gathering around the restaurant were television static.

Swallowing her panic was like forcing down a dagger, and she fought to keep an authoritative tone. “G-get everyone up t-to the c-capital, please! Th-that’s the safest p-place f-for them. I’ll t-take care of th-the human.”

The words left her mouth with a wave of guilt in her stomach. Her defense mechanism wasn’t ready. She was making promises she couldn’t keep and why on earth wasn’t it ready yet?

“We’re in the process. I’ll call later with updates.” Before the guard managed to hang up, her phone was in her pocket and her chair grated across the floor.

Sans was already on his feet, eyeing the crowd beginning to form as he asked, “Where’s the human?”

“S-snowdin, and n-no one’s hurt, but I-I’m not t-taking any chances, I c-can’t let this be a repeat of last time,” She said distractedly, taking one look at the handful of monsters gathering and started moving for the door, Sans following closely behind. The violet tulips remained abandoned on the table. 

“Take it easy Alph, it won’t be like last time,” He said, nearly drowned out over the babble of protest slowly rising in the background. “Just try to keep calm, okay?”

Alphys felt Sans was asking a bit too much of her, in fact her heart was fluttering so hard against her chest she wondered vaguely if she was dying, but she couldn’t afford to lose it. Not yet. This was not the time to succumb to anxiety. 

“W-we can follow them on my monitor at the castle,” She said, fresh night air rolling in as she pushed open the door knowing they’d be followed, but there just wasn’t time to console those who had overheard. “Damn it, we n-need to be b-back there now… O-of all d-days to leave the castle…!”

Sans cast an uneasy look over his shoulder at the dozen or so monsters deserting their meals and trying have their voice heard over the others in the crowd. “Okay, I’m going to show you something, but don’t freak out or question it really and—uh, we need to get out of sight.”

Her expression tensed. This was not the time for Sans to be doing anything other than heading back to the castle with her. “Sans w-what are you talking about?” She asked as he took her hand and started running.

Of course, she trusted Sans completely, but as soon as they escaped the field of view of those remaining in the restaurant and the world shifted like slowly tipping forward into nothingness, she couldn’t help but feel he had kept something from her.

They reappeared somewhere carpeted rather than the coarse sidewalk and stumbled forward a few steps to slow down. It was still dark, so as Sans let go of her hand it took her a moment to figure out their location until he flicked the lights on, revealing their living room.

Realization dawning, her voice stuck in her throat for a moment before turning on Sans and halfway yelled, “W-what the heck!? You perfected teleportation and n-never t-told me?”

It was one of the projects they had researched extensively together in their days at the lab. Sans specifically had taken an interest in it, and they’d even accomplished it, but Alphys deemed it improbable anywhere other than in a lab setting. It hurt that he’d managed to pull it off and never bothered to let her know. He must have had a reason, and it wasn’t as if she didn’t know Sans had secrets, but this was personal.

He looked a bit sheepish, casting her an apologetic glance before muttering, “Later Alph…”

She huffed, pressing a palm to her eye and dragged it down the side of her face. “Oh my god th-there’s too much happening,”

But Sans was right, this could wait. There was no time to waste and she was grateful he’d gotten them home.

Alphys composed herself, if just for the moment, and hurried down the hall to her workshop, biting her tongue as she passed Sans.

Her workshop was about as messy as ever. She kicked away several empty cups of ramen before pulling out her computer chair, then sat down and woke up the monitor.

The massive, wall sized screens she used to have at the lab were too inconvenient to transport and didn’t provide much of an advantage in comparison to a regular monitor, so she and Sans leaned in close as she brought up the live footage of different areas in Snowdin. It didn’t take long to find the human.

Alphys let out a shuddering gasp, clamping a claw over her mouth. The pinpricks of light in Sans’ sockets vanished. 

There, trailing footprints in the snow with their arms drawn around them self was the very same human who had fallen before, the source of all the damage and heartbreak wracking the Underground. The one who killed Papyrus, Undyne, Mettaton, Asgore, and however many others, and now they were back.

“N-no,” She said in a horrified whisper. “Th-this can’t be h-happening… oh god…”

She could still see the dust falling from their hands, splashed across their clothes, their blank expression. What the hell were they doing back here? She thought they got what they wanted upon escaping the Underground and taking countless lives with them, so why were they back? What was left for them to take?

Silent tears of terror rolled down her cheeks. She put a claw to her forehead, breathing fast and thinking through what the hell she was supposed to do. 

Slowly it dawned upon her that she was never meant to be queen. This situation should never have caught her unprepared, and the defense mechanism she was certain would make the royal guard obsolete was absolutely useless unfinished. She had no plan of action, no one to kill the human, no way to get the killer out of the Underground. 

Shaking her head in numb despair, she murmured, “I sh-should have been prepared. The d-defense mechanism isn’t finished and…I d-didn’t th-think it would h-happen so soon…or ever, ever b-be them again...” Eyes wide and unseeing, she lost herself, gazing fixedly at the monitor behind a haze of tears. “I-I’m a f-failure, I should n-never have b-been m-made queen… I th-thought I’d changed, b-but…I’m just l-like I w-was before.”

Pressing her quavering hands to her eyes she leaned forward on her elbows, then peeked out from behind her fingers at the screen once more finding she couldn’t look away. She needed to act, she had to stop them somehow, but…

Her shoulders hitched, voice strained holding back the floodgates of emotion, “Wh-what do I do?”

Sans was at a loss for words. Sometimes when her anxiety was too much, the world began to block itself out, which was all she could think was happening to Sans who seemed to be in his own world. He didn’t hear her or say anything and just stared in utter shock at the screen until finally he said, “How about I kill ‘em?”

“N-no!” She gasped, heart leaping. Moving on instinct, she grabbed his arm with such abruptness it startled them both. “I-I’m sorry, I… b-but not after what happened last time Sans. I-I can’t lose you.” She dragged her spare hand across her eyes, fighting a panic attack to get her words out, voice coated with desperation. “I know i-it’s selfish, but I’m n-not letting you die! Not like the others…”

For a moment her own panic reflected in his eyes before his usual calm somewhat settled.

“Alph, it’s not like we’ve got a lot of options here,” He said, gesturing to the monitor. “And you know what I can do. I’ll be fine,” He gripped her hand with an attempt at a comforting smile that did little to help.

In that moment her phone went off for the second time that day, cutting off her argument before she began. Hastily, she let go of Sans and scooped it out of her pocket, fumbling with trembling fingers before answering. 

“Y-yeah?” She asked, voice cracking.

“Queen Alphys, the human is out of Snowdin and in Waterfall for the time being.” It was a different guard from before, this one with a much more authoritative tone. “One member of guard and some citizens engaged in combat with the human, but no one’s been hurt and the human escaped on each occasion. We’re in the midst of evacuating Waterfall, and so far no battles have been reported.”

The knot of anxiety in her stomach loosened, if just a little. At least no one was getting killed again. It wasn’t a repeat of last time…yet. 

She cleared her throat before answering, voice still shaken, “O-okay thank you, I w-want to keep it that way. This particular human is really d-dangerous, again p-please d-don’t fight them and focus o-on evacuating e-everyone and everywhere to the capital.”

“Will do ma’am.” 

Alphys ended the call and set the phone on the table with a quavering hand. “Well th-theres been some fights b-but no one’s been hurt…they h-haven’t hurt anyone so far…” 

It was confusing and frightening that the same human that chose to kill so many innocent monsters was suddenly deciding not to. Of course, it was preferable to the alternative, but the uncertainty irked her. Besides, it was too good to be true that the human would remain peaceful. Whatever fragile strings were holding the human back from killing once again could break at any moment. A hurricane was surely on its way, and she needed to get as many citizens out of the line of fire as possible.

She brought the tips of her claws to her mouth, glancing at Sans fearfully. “We s-still have time while the guards are evacuating… m-maybe we can find another way?”

“Alph, you know as well as I do this is the best choice.” He said, resigned as ever, and it was true.

Alphys couldn’t fight, the guard wasn’t properly trained at all, she had no weapons, but Sans in theory could easily defeat the human. 

The problem was that so could the previous head of the Royal Guard and king of the Underground, and yet their dust was scattered across their place of dying and carried away by the wind.

She had no choice but to agree to put her dear friend’s life on the line all because she didn’t have a backup plan. 

She was a disgraceful, stupid, unforgivable failure of a ruler.

“...This is all my fault…” She whispered, sliding her hands over her face with a dry sob. “God, if I’d just finished--”

Sans cut her off. “No, you worked as hard as you could on that thing. Who would’ve thought that this was gonna happen?” He said, nodding to the screen. “Look, it’ll be fine. They won’t even know what hit ‘em” 

Alphys didn’t know how to respond. It felt like an echo of watching Undyne confront the human only for her to crumble to dust, or sending Mettaton off to fight and then blow up right before her eyes.

But she had no choice but to trust Sans. He was their only hope in stopping the human as safely as possible.

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, then slowly exhaled anything that would hinder her from thinking clearly. She could push it down and bottle it up for now. The kingdom had to come first.

“D-don’t fight them yet,” She said, swallowing the emotion rising in her throat. “We’ll wait until everyone’s evacuated. There’s t-too many people who could g-get caught in the crossfire until then—h-here,” 

Minimizing the cameras now revealing early sections of Waterfall, she brought up a map of the Underground. It was far too zoomed out for much detail required labels for where each area began and ended, but it was enough to serve its purpose. She pointed to Waterfall then traced the path stretching into the capital, narrating, “So l-long as the human c-continues this way, they’ll be behind those being evacuated, and accounting f-for stragglers as w-well…” 

When Undyne had tried to stop the human, she took a fatal blow for a young monster who got in the way. It was all Alphys could do not to repeat past mistakes and make taking the human’s soul as seamless for Sans as possible.

“…If they m-make it here,” She continued, circling a square room labeled ‘Judgment Hall’, an area leading into the castle. “Then everyone sh-should already b-be hiding in the capital. There’s n-no one who c-can get in your way, and the human shouldn’t have a p-place to escape in a closed off r-room like this… so if you’re g-going t-to fight them, then do it there.” 

Sans studied the monitor, the faint glow of the screen reflecting off his skull. “Okay. Maybe they’ll be dead by then, anyway,” 

That was also true. In deciding to wait for the human to come to them, it heightened the possibility more monsters would try to fight them, which wasn’t necessarily good but there was a chance they’d be killed before making it to the castle. 

Alphys was taking a gamble, but there was no move she could make that wasn’t risky. It was a real life game of chess and playing correctly meant the difference between life and death for her pieces. Properly predicting and interpreting her opponent’s each and every move was vital. A single wrong move would cost her more than she could afford to lose. 

His gaze flicked to her. “…Are you gonna watch?”

“Hm?”

“Judgment Hall. From the cameras I mean.”

Her stomach lurched. Sans already accepted he was going to be fighting the human, apparently not believing his own words that maybe they would be dead before reaching Judgment Hall. It stung.

Leaning her head against the backrest, she gave him a sad look and answered quietly, “How could I not?”

…

It became a routine. With the cameras up on the screen, they’d watch the human venture through an area, run away or spare someone in battle, and get a guard update on what they just saw.

Sans watched Alphys, biting down hard on her lip, lean close to the screen, image of the human limping out of Waterfall reflecting off her glasses as she asked, “Why the hell are they acting so different…?”

It wasn’t his greatest concern, but it was disturbing. Being someone used to knowing more than the others around him, the fact that Sans did not know what was happening scared him. The same human had never fallen back into the Underground before, not that he could remember, and he was certain he’d remember. 

The reports had never told him anything beyond the human leaving the Underground, which left anything that happened afterwards a mystery, such as what happened once Alphys became queen.

He was guessing at what to do, but his gut told him this human needed to die no matter what they did this run. He was not in the business of taking chances.

But what really motivated him to fight was that this was the same human as before, which meant they could reset. If he just applied enough pressure, just managed to bore them enough with his monotonous, bloody battle, then it would fix everything. They’d reset and he’d wake up back in Snowdin to the voice of his brother nagging him for being late for work.

That didn’t mean it would be fun, no, he was not keen on a drawn out, exhausting battle. However, he would kill the human as many times as he needed to in order to fix their ending. This had to end now. He was going to end it now.

Neither of them spoke as they saw the human nearing Judgment Hall. It was a silent cue for Sans to leave that needed no announcing.

Still eyeing the screen, Alphys broke the quiet, “Can y-you teleport out of there if th-things get bad?”

“Yeah.”

She met his eyes with a lifeless expression. In that moment she looked a thousand years old and so, so tired. Her gaze lingered on him for a moment, wringing her hands, lips parted but no words coming out until she managed, “P-promise me, okay? Promise you’ll be fine?”

It was pointless, like a child in desperate need of reassurance, and of course she knew that the promise meant nothing. He could go out and get killed and the promise wouldn’t change a thing, but…

“…alright, I promise I’ll be fine.”

She lowered her head as if in defeat, eyes fixed on the ground for a moment. Then she stood up and threw her arms around Sans in a tight embrace. “Okay, I’m t-trusting you,” She murmured, and he could feel slight tremors in her hands clinging so desperately to his jacket, and it took until then for him to realize exactly what it would mean to her if he died at the hands of the human. Alphys was stronger than he ever could be, but she might collapse. He certainly would.

Not that it truly mattered, but if he died the Underground would shatter again, possibly beyond repair if Alphys wasn’t able to support the kingdom any longer. It was a fragile system and he hadn’t dawned upon him how important of a role he played until that moment, but his own death was an unlikely scenario. A possibility, yes, but not likely. No, a reset was what he was aiming for.

He hugged her back for a long moment, and if things went smoothly, then this would be the last time he’d see her in this timeline. There was so little he had left to hope for, but he wanted so badly for this run to end. After watching the clock tick by slower each day, weighed down with his exhaustion, with their own misery, wishing to blink and it would be the one hanging in his Snowdin home—a reset was long overdue.

Alphys broke off the embrace and fell back into her chair, then swiveled around facing the computer, murmuring unnecessarily, “I’ll w-watch from the monitors.”

He should go. There wasn’t much time left before they reached the hall.

But Alphys looked as though he’d already died, as if she was already mourning and ready to crumble to dust. 

“Alph,” He said, and she glanced over her shoulder. “I’m not in the business of breaking promises.”

She managed a broken smile and pushed a claw under her glasses, swiping across her eye. “Y-you should go. I’ll s-see you when you g-get back.”

In another second, he was gone.

…

The human, covered in smears of crimson and blooming purple bruises, manifested the toll of the thousand lives they had lived, thousand deaths they had died, and seemed to want nothing more than to collapse into dust then and there. One more hit would surely snap them in half. 

In another timeline he might see them and offer the kid his coat or a place to rest and make sure they were okay, because they sure didn’t look okay. 

Trembling and on the verge of tears, they looked like they’d seen so many things they’d rather forget, and the way they gazed at him with the most sincere mixture of guilty, longing sorrow, he would just about have fallen for it had this been that other timeline. 

But it wasn’t.

He watched them kick his brother’s dust from their shoes and walk away just to go on to kill another and another and another without a shred of remorse or conscience. So many innocent lives suddenly and mercilessly ripped away, and all who remained bore deep, bleeding, burning scars of how it used to be before the human brought this sickness to infect them all. 

They must’ve been through hell to get here. Statistically, there was such a phenomenally low chance they’d managed to make it all the way to the corridor while slithering away from the guards and enraged bystanders damned crazy enough to try and fight them, all without leaving a scratch on any of their opponents, that they could not have done it in one try. 

That wasn’t going to stop him, however, from making certain they wouldn’t stay dead, and after that… well… he’d have to figure things out. Questions remained, and despite being someone accustomed to having all the answers, he hoped with every fiber of his being these questions would never get the chance to be resolved.

At the sight of him, their knees buckled, and their palms hit the floor with an echo across the corridor. 

Weaponless and broken, it was a hell of a sight contrasting from when he saw them last. It didn’t make a bit of difference.

Silent tears rolled down their cheeks and gathered at their chin while they waited with bated breath for him to say something, anything, to provide some relief from stewing in intense, guilty silence.

Finally he closed his eyes, letting out a quiet huff, then met their gaze coldly as he could manage. Despite the broiling rage he felt towards the human, their presence brought an exhaustion with them, and more than ever he wished they’d taken him too.

“Gee, you’ve got guts coming back here. Trying to pick up where you left off?” At his words, whatever fragile tape was holding them together snapped. They caved in on them self and leaned forward, shoulders hitching as they softly cried. 

“What’s your game here, kid?” He asked, ignoring their quiet sobs, voice echoing slightly across the room. He tilted his head, stuffing his hands in his pockets before continuing, “You come here, you kill everyone we love, and then you leave. You come back, and now you won’t touch a soul. Is it regret?” The lights of his eyes extinguished, replaced with black, unforgiving void. “Or are you trying to kill us when we least expect it?” 

He took a moment to look them over, watching them whither, then gave a half-hearted shrug. “Sorry, but you can’t come here and kill everyone then expect things to be a-okay so long as you don’t do it again. It’s gonna take a little more than an apology to fix what you broke.” 

With a sudden whirr and a tug of magic from his soul, a massive animalistic skull appeared overhead. Its eyes glowed with malice, jaws overflowing with fangs and clamped shut but with an ominous bluish flame emanating from deep within its mouth, ready for the kill. 

Eyes glistening, the kid stared at the weapon without the slightest change in expression, showing no signs of terror or readiness to flee or fight. Like they knew it was coming. Like they’d seen it before.

They turned back to him, surrendering to the inevitable.

“Yeah…I don’t get what you were trying to accomplish here by coming back and suddenly not killing anyone, but you’ve made it pretty clear what you’re capable of, so we don’t need you ruining what good we’ve got left.” He gestured vaguely, adding in as an afterthought he hoped dearly they would take to heart, “So, uh, if it is regret, then why don’t you just do us all a favor and go back?” 

And with a thunderous roar like a firing canon drowning out their shrieks, the blaster’s jaws unhinged sending a beam of strikingly bright raw magic at the human. 

The nauseating smell of burning flesh filled the room.

…

“Gee, you’ve got guts coming back here. Trying to pick up where you left off?” 

This felt wrong. Had he been here before? The kid was holding out their hands as if awaiting a hug, smiling past the tears falling down their face like rain. Frankly, it was rather disgusting. Why the hell were they tormenting him? Hadn’t they done enough? 

The rage started clawing at his chest, and feeling the pinpricks of light snuff out from his sockets he asked, voice coated with vehemence, “…What do you want?” 

At this, their trembling overtook them as they lowered their head and covered their face. Through their quavering sobs they could barely manage to form words, but it was enough to get him to listen.

“W-was… not….me. N-not me.” They dragged in several shaking breaths before pressing onwards, fists clenched at their sides. “S-something took over and made me kill... Couldn’t stop it. T-tried to stop it.” The wracking emotion seized them once again as they pressed the heels of their hands to their eyes, gritting their teeth as if every word was painful. “I-it made me…m-made me kill… Came back… try to fix it…”

He remained silent, making every effort to piece together what the kid was saying and determine if it was true. It was outlandish to think that they hadn’t been in control of their own actions, but in a way, in a horrifying realization, it made sense.

How could the same child who had the potential to save them all and most likely had in another timeline, gone about destroying everyone? It wasn’t for them to decide. Why else would they come back to the underground, desperate for some way to ‘fix’ this mess instead of finishing them all off? Maybe they really were trying to do what they felt they owed the underground.

Or maybe they were lying and manipulating him into trusting them only to kill him and Alphys and everyone left.

There was no way of knowing.

“C-can’t die…” They continued, having regained some composure. “I tried to reset and I can’t… I can’t fix it… a-and so I w-wanted to die and g-give my soul... b-but I…” For a moment they were lost, gazing fixedly at their shaking, sweating palms as if they could still see the coat of dust. “I c-can’t… I can’t die.”

Cutting past his rage, cold dread settled at this. 

Quickly, he went over his options. He could keep them stuck in this single moment, killing them over and over again in the hope that they were lying and could in fact reset, and would after enough pressure, or he could take a risk. 

He could trust the human and take them to the castle, then…then keep them there he supposed. He couldn’t take their soul and be done with it, nor could he kick them out of the underground, so…

But if they were telling the truth and they couldn’t reset… that couldn’t happen, it was unthinkable. 

“I don’t believe you.” 

They jerked their head up, looking as if he’d smacked them across the face.

There were too many questions. Why had it taken them so long to come back? Why did whatever possessed them leave now? Too many holes in the story.

“Heh, what’s with that face?” Smile tugging at the corner of his mouth at the stunned look across the killer’s expression, his sockets shadowed. “Buddy, you didn’t think I was about to gamble everything I’ve got left on the word of a dirty, lying murderer, now did ya’?” 

Blasters were conjured and rose ominously towards the ceiling, the demonic, soulless gazes directed upon the human who stumbled backwards, looking pleadingly between Sans and the blasters. 

“Let’s dance, freak.”

…

Sweat drenched his clothes and dripped down his skull to the floor. Chest heaving, legs shaking from the effort of standing upright, he did not take his eyes off the human. 

The fight had dragged on far past his ability to keep track of the number of times the human died until finally Sans had no magic left to spare. Each round the human had gotten a little closer to wearing him down, dodging his attacks relentlessly until he couldn’t muster a single measly bone or blue attack to save his life, which was in considerable danger. 

He was vulnerable and if the human so desired, they could kill him, despite not having taken a single swipe at him throughout their battle. On every occasion from what he could recall, the human chose to spare. If this was a façade, they hadn’t broken character.

They weren’t in much better shape than he, hunched over slightly and breathing labored, but determination still glinted in their eye. Giving up never was within their nature, no matter the timeline.

The two stood in a stunning stillness so unlike the perpetual war that had raged since the human’s arrival. Quiet ringing in their ears, each took the time to catch their breath as it became clear Sans had run completely out of steam. The human was the first to make a move.

They swallowed before speaking in a strained voice, “Sans, please listen to me. I don’t… I’m not going to hurt anyone and I swear I can explain everything,” 

Desperation wracking their tone and expression, they lifted their unsteady hands to spare. “You’ve killed me too many times to count, and it hasn’t solved anything.” They closed their eyes as if stricken with a sudden headache before continuing with more force, “And you can kill me again and we can stay in this miserable place forever, but it won’t solve anything.” 

He saw visions of crimson splattered across the massive windows of the corridor looking out into the pitch black night. The human writhing with blood seeping across the golden tile floor and bones spearing through their chest. Horrific burns across blackened, cracked skin. The haunting echo of shattering bones and unceasing, guttural screams. 

Yet, they remained determined to spare. They chose to forgive.

The kid’s hope seemed to melt and they slowly collapsed floor, covering their face and once again succumbed to tears.

The tap of his slippers against the floor echoed around the corridor, the only noise over their muffled crying. There was a deep ache in his marrow and moving at all was a monumental effort even without his conscience screaming at him to stop, to recover his magic and kill them again. But as they looked up at him, face blotched and teary, he knew something was different. 

What was he doing? How could he even think to trust this blood thirsty killer for even a second? But the innocent hope in their eyes and their rigid resolution to spare him that had survived after he ripped them to shreds a hundred times, and to spare everyone else who tried to kill them, told Sans something was different. What choice did he have but to take a risk?

“…Alright, c’mere kid.” He huffed, voice uneven and held out a tense, tremulous hand. “We’ve clearly got some things to talk about.”

They let out a choked whimper, a smile splitting their face as they grasped him, and the two were gone only to reappear at the castle living room in an instant. 

The effort was more than Sans was ready to exert, and he stumbled blinking blackness away from his vision. He found someone was there supporting him. 

“I’m fine…” He grunted, regaining his balance and took to leaning against the couch. The kid still looked worried, but that was hardly his biggest concern. “Alph!” He called, looking up to see she was already running into the room.

Between ragged breaths, Sans managed, “Okay… c’mon Alph, let’s figure this out...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (deleted chapter title: blatant self indulgent edge)


	10. *pearl voice* it's over isn't it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoo hoo ch 10, double digits!! so hope youre ready for more skele-angst and other original content, but tbh im p proud of myself for getting this far in the story, ive been looking forward to writing this and the last chapter for a while :0  
> Also updates are gonna slow down (for real this time because life currently wont allot much time for writing) but WOWIE thanks so much for the aMAZING comments and the bookmarks and kudos!! ;U; the positive feedback really makes my day <33

Whatever was controlling them had been gone for months, and in the time since, they’d been recovering from the sheer horror of what they’d done. What they’d been forced to do. 

‘It wasn’t my fault. It won’t ever happen again. I am a victim, not the perpetrator. There is nothing I can do to help.’

They tried to convince them self this was true, but they could still feel the grainy dust between their fingers. They could see their innocent victims when they closed their eyes. They relived their countless, vivid, violent deaths. They listened to the phone call and Alphys’ grief stricken, broken tone, and they knew it was barely a glimpse at all the destruction they had caused and forced her to deal with. They wanted to throw the phone away, to delete the message, to pretend nothing had ever happened and it was all a horrific dream, but they couldn’t.

If only they hadn’t fallen at all, then none of this would have ever happened.

They stood with their toes mere inches from the gaping pit below ready to swallow them up, a feeling of dread grasping at their heart. The shaded cavern was musty and cold in the chill of the early morning. Alone, they stood shivering with their arms draped around them self in lieu of a coat, wondering if they had climbed all this way for nothing. 

What if it possessed them again? What if they killed again? Would they be stopped?

Squeezing their eyes shut, they forced in a breath, the earthy smell filling their lungs and exhaled slowly.

But they couldn’t live with the guilt. It was selfish wasn’t it? Vainly hoping they could help at such a high risk.

But maybe somehow, they’d be able to reset it all. It had happened so many times before under the controller’s influence, and if that… thing… was gone then maybe…

The mere thought that there could be a way to fix everything was enough. And if they were wrong, then the monsters could have a single human soul. It wouldn’t be compensation by any means, they give all the souls in the world to the underground and it would never be enough to fix what they did, but they could give something. And the guilt would be gone, and the memories, and they could give all they had to those who deserved it, and with this relieving thought in mind they charged forward, throwing them self into the abyss below.

The wind rushed up around them, as if frantically trying to shove them back towards the surface, because what if this was a mistake? Still they plummeted, breaking through the gusts of air, shivering at the chilling change of atmosphere upon passing through the barrier, and they knew they would never go back. Whatever fate lie before them, they would have no choice but to accept it.

With an echoing cry they slammed into the patch of flowers, surprisingly durable and plush, but the impact sent waves of pain through their body nonetheless. Dazed and off balance, they stumbled to their feet and glanced around before locating the door. 

With a pang of guilt, they half expected a warm, motherly welcome as they climbed the marble steps leading into the heart of the ruins. They passed buttons littering the ground, switches that lay long untouched along the walls, and the path of spikes they now navigated easily. It was painful. 

Every step upon tile or rustling of leaves proved deafening, echoing along the vacant hallways as an eminent reminder of what was missing. The silence that hung heavy in the air seemed to thicken to the point of being sliceable once inside her home. The house was now void of the merrily crackling fire and warmth that resonated from nowhere else in the ruins. 

Still they trudged on, feeling more weighed down the farther they delved, unable to suppress memories of all that had happened and all that never did. The worst however, was what awaited directly in front of the exit to Snowdin. 

A pile of dust the size of a basketball coated the ground like freshly fallen snow. No wind could blow her away from inside, and the ground was solid tile, and so in a sick way, she remained guarding the ruins. 

Their knees buckled and hit the ground hard enough to bruise. They covered their mouth with both hands, trembling uncontrollably, they saw her shocked, sliced face from where their blade hit. They heard her final warning, and felt the golden warmth sapped from the room as she faded away into dust. Suddenly, it was months ago and they killed Toriel, and her dust was on their hands—her dust was...

Pressing their forehead to the icy tile they let out a throaty sob, hugging their arms around them self for comfort they didn’t deserve.

They had no idea how much time passed before they managed to gather them self, step around her nauseating remains, and push open the door into the hall leading to Snowdin. They weren’t sure if they were shivering from the cold or the shock by the time they arrived outside.

Rather than the friendly skeleton, gusts of freezing wind greeted them. Forcing one foot in front of the other required some determination, but it wouldn’t be much longer. Head tucked down and arms drawn in tightly, they kept in mind that it would be worth it.

They passed the wooden posts along the bridge and the vacant sentry station without interaction with anyone, and the eerie emptiness remained sharp as the brisk winter air. They ventured onwards, and much like in the ruins, every abandoned puzzle was a wrenchingly painful reminder of their maker. Out of all their kills, Papyrus’ final words were the most haunting. They did not deserve his mercy.

Pushing past the pain to focus on the task at hand, they finally arrived into town. They needed to find somebody before the town evacuated, which they surely should knowing the events half a year prior. Through their haze, a sudden thought struck them providing some relief in that they realized they were still in control of their own body. They couldn’t help but smile knowing the possessor hadn’t seized control and their risk would pay off. They didn’t think the possessor would take over again, but it their only qualm against re-entering the underground and it was so nice to catch a break.

They were so preoccupied with the thought that they nearly missed the muffled chatter emanating from inside Grillbys. Their heart gave a leap at the sudden contrast against the stony silence they’d grown so accustomed to. They stood for a few moments, staring at the wooden door longingly, sensing the glowing warmth from within. If only, they thought, this were another timeline where they would be welcome inside. Scared and unsure of what to expect, they pushed open the door with a creak of the hinges.

Inside, the customers were chatting cheerily over their drinks with the comforting babble of a crowd resonating so strongly having seen no signs of life since their entrance to the underground, and for just a moment it was nice. They knew it was vain, that it would never last, but for just that moment they felt safe and normal, until someone noticed them. The sudden shift in atmosphere was tangible as the entire bar went silent, and similarly to when Toriel was killed, the warmth seemed to seep back into the walls. It felt like a cold slap to the face as all eyes were trained on them. 

Then there was shouting, people leaping out of their seats or hiding behind the booths and a few who came forward with their teeth bared and ready for battle, and this was what they were looking for. Closing their eyes, they braced them self and waited for someone to attack. If all went well they’d be taken back to that screen, they’d select the controls them self no longer under any other influence. Finally, they could fix all of this and reset and send them back to before anyone died. They could be sent back to when they first fell, and just maybe if the fates took favor with them, maybe they would be in control. Maybe they could save everyone, they could make things right.

And if they were wrong… then the underground would again have a human soul. It wouldn’t be enough, but it was all they could give, and maybe it could spread some hope. Perhaps their death could provide the underground with a symbol of overcoming tragedy, perhaps they could be the beginning of hope.

…

It was cold and dead quiet. The smell of dank earth filled their nose. A softness surrounded them, tickled their cheeks, and brushed against the parts of them not protected by clothing.

Slowly, they opened their eyes to the sight of a massive, reaching tunnel coated with overgrowth and stalactites. There was something plush and golden beneath them—a bed of flowers?

Oh god. 

They had died, they’d surely managed that much. No, they weren’t taken back to the screen with the controls to reset—to fix everything had been too much to hope for anyway. However, now they realized with sudden striking, overwhelming horror that they could not even give the underground their soul. Instead, since they hadn’t saved, they returned to the beginning of the ruins upon being killed. They would not stay dead. Something still remained that wouldn’t let them die, and they had always thought it had been the controller. It hadn’t ever occurred to them that… oh god…

They let out a choked cry, pressing their sleeves into their eyes, wracking sobs overtaking them. It wasn’t fair. This wasn’t right. Why couldn’t this work? What were they supposed to do now?

“…I’m so sorry.” They whispered, voice high and strained, and they couldn’t comprehend why they ever thought they were strong enough to fix this. Cracking a smile they laughed harshly at their own mistake, and wouldn’t it be better for everyone if they never existed?

…

“It took a long time, but I didn’t want to hurt anyone.” They murmured, fingers gripping the edge of the table. Their shaking voice had been replaced by a blank, numb tone. They continued quietly, keeping their gaze fixed on the table. It was easier to tell their story without having to look their victims in the eye. 

“I used the save points and kept going, trying again and again to get past the ones who fought and tried to figure out how to get away.” They chewed their lip for a moment, glancing up and between the two of them, both listening intently. “And I was trying to get here… it was the only thing I could think to do. I’m sorry,” 

“N-no, it’s okay.” She reached out a tentative hand, then drew it back after a second, unsure of herself. “Y-you’re not the enemy here, it wasn’t… it wasn’t really you. I-I’m sorry for acting weird, I j-just can’t wrap my head around this.”

Frisk had to reveal the resets to Alphys in order to properly explain their tale, and she was taking it well. They supposed after such an eventful night, there was little else that could catch her off guard. Being a well versed scientist and all, maybe she’d done research into it and it wasn’t all that surprising for her that they existed, but the real kicker Frisk thought, was that they stopped. 

Sans was stunned, the lights of his eyes constricted into tiny pinpricks. When he finally spoke, he was uncharacteristically quiet bearing an apprehension that Frisk had never heard from him, “S…so to get this straight, you can’t reset. The time loop is broken, and we’re stuck here.”

Their lip trembled as they whispered, “I’m…I’m so sorry.” 

He slid a hand over his mouth, gaze stricken. “God…” He breathed, as if his brother’s dust was resting on the table in front of him, and Frisk was helpless to fix it. 

Stupid. Why had they ever thought they could change things? So desperately they’d wanted to turn back time, and instead they’d made everything worse.

Alphys, so kind and dependable, was visibly overworked, circles having formed beneath her eyes and stressed to the breaking point, as if she’d aged years overnight. This was all their fault.

“Frisk,” Alphys said in a brittle voice after a moment of dense silence. “I… I need to talk to Sans alone. There’s a spare r-room at the start of the hall, just… y-you must be tired, so… get some rest and w-we’ll talk again later.”

Frisk nodded and murmured a thank you before excusing them self. Before even shutting the door to what they supposed was their new bedroom, shouting emanated from the kitchen. 

…

Alphys was on her feet, pacing in front of the table. Ordinarily, Sans would be concerned. The Sans she knew would want to hear what she had to say and find out what was wrong, but not now. Perhaps she didn’t know him as well as she thought.

He wouldn’t look at her, in fact he didn’t seem to be looking at anything at all. There was a distance in his eye suggesting no one was home. 

How rare it was that she raised her voice, but spurred on by deep, fresh wounds, she found herself yelling.

“So okay, we’ve been living in a time loop,” She said, stopping in her tracks to faced Sans. 

He seemed disturbed, frightened even, but she couldn’t address two issues at once. Right now, she needed to talk. Right now, she was pissed. 

Throwing her hands with emphasis, she continued, “Frisk has killed everyone multiple times, you knew how this run was going to turn out—you knew everything! That Undyne and Asgore and Mettaton… even Papyrus were all going to die! That I was going to become queen, and you didn’t do anything about it? You didn’t tell anyone? Are you even listening to me?” She advanced forward, jabbing an accusatory finger at him. 

The distance in his sockets remained, though not as prominent as before. In a violent thought, Alphys wondered if he was broken. He wasn’t reacting the way she wanted. She desperately needed an explanation, even though she knew nothing he could say could quite quench her rage, he owed her his side of the story at the very least.

Sans looked on the verge of something, like whatever was holding him together had worn and stretched nearing the breaking point, or perhaps already broke, and he couldn’t quite function the same as before. Like a car with a popped tire or a stuttering machine on the last of its batteries. 

He flinched as she slammed a claw down on the table before him, not caring if the entire Underground heard her shout, “What the hell is wrong with you Sans? That isn’t like you!”

It was enough to slice through his haze as he slumped forward and hands slid over his sockets, exasperation wracking his tone, “I tried Alph. I tried and no one ever remembers even if they believe me… and why should they?” 

He lowered his hands, turning to her with a lost, piteous expression, as if he hadn’t slept for a year and wanted nothing more than to just shut down completely. Perhaps it would frighten her more had she not been so confused and hurt, but she needed to keep him talking. She had to know that her friend hadn’t just allowed all their loved ones to die without a second thought. 

“After a while I just got tired. I mean… what the hell’s the point of trying to stop someone who’s just going to keep coming back? You don’t understand—I didn’t know this run was going to be any different from the thousand before it.” Dropping his head to his hands, he screwed his eyes shut as if to block out reality and convince himself it was all some nightmare. 

When he spoke again, it was the voice of a child, small and fragile. “I didn’t know things were going to be permanent… Alphys, they’re never permanent…this is…not supposed to happen. I don’t know how to handle this.”

How strange it was to hear such fear and uncertainty in his voice. The world had collapsed before him and he remained staring into the carnage, lost as to at what to do with himself and unable to comprehend what the hell just happened. 

Closing her eyes, she forced out a breath. It wasn’t as if she could all of a sudden extinguish her rage, but she needed to calm herself before continuing. Screaming at Sans without attempting to see from his perspective was selfish and pointless. 

Alphys drew back her hand and continued, speaking slowly, “Sans, I would have believed you. And I’m sorry that you’ve been bearing this all on your own, you should never have to do that, but why did you think I wouldn’t have wanted to know that everyone wasn’t permanently dead?” Her voice began to shake, no longer able to look Sans in the eye. 

Claws gripped a nearby chair to steady herself, the horrible ache of her wounds growing loud and overwhelming as she poured her heart out to the inflictor, desperate for relief that would not come. “There are so many things that would’ve turned out differently if I had known what was going to happen, only to find out you knew, Sans! A-and I’m sure I’d think differently if I were in your shoes…having seen as many horrible things as you but Sans, I can’t… I can’t let go of this! Just how many other times have I been queen? How many other times have you watched me drowning in grief and… and just stood there with the knowledge that everything was going to be okay if I just waited long enough, and you didn’t tell me?”

At the sound of a hollow laugh, she finally met his gaze. The hysteria steadily building up began to seep through his cracked bones and overtake his daze of numb shock. “Is that what you would’ve wanted? To realize that everything is pointless and nothing you do will ever mean anything because it’s just going to be undone, and the only logical thing to do is to stop trying because you know better than to try?” 

They were the words of someone uprooting something so unbearable, so deeply buried under years and years of keeping quiet, forcing it down, and living and functioning with it clinging like a tumor, that he could no longer control the sickness gushing out like blood from a gash. The lights of his eyes seemed to flicker madly like a dying candle the farther he delved into his spiel, as if unaware even of what he was saying.

“I’ve kept it a secret for so long because who the hell wants to end up like me, Alphys? You have no idea what it’s like to wake up every day knowing none of it matters. Everyone you love can and will die and it doesn’t matter, it just loses meaning. Except now suddenly, it does matter.”

He laughed throatily, sliding his hands over his eyes as fresh tears rolled down his skull and he pressed his elbows to the table. After a tense pause, he spoke again, voice thin and cracking, he murmured, “You don’t understand what it’s like to have the rug pulled out from under me like this… the one thing I could always rely on to make life hell is finally gone, and so is...”

Alphys didn’t understand. She understood loss, apparently better than Sans, but she had been grieving properly all this time whereas Sans was operating under the thought that his brother, and everyone else, were all coming back. Loss was only truly hitting him then, and watching her friend fall apart was enough to replace her anger with worry. Never before had she seen Sans so upset, and in a terrifying thought she wondered if he was going to recover—if he would be able to.

Right when she thought he was done, he dropped his hands to the table with a clack of bone against wood and cast her a shattered, forlorn glance, “And I get it. I understand why you might have wanted to know, and maybe it was wrong of me not to tell you and I’m sorry. But the world’s not ever resetting again so that’s worthless now.” For a moment the lost expression returned, having run out of steam and anything worth saying, and she watched as he caved in on himself once again, head sinking to the table. Between audible shaky breaths he murmured broken phrases more to himself than Alphys, “I’m never gonna see him again…god …”

Face covered with the sleeves of his jacket, her closest friend broke off into muffled crying that wracked through the whole of him, and in that moment with the same human who caused this whole disaster sitting in the next room, and the entire Underground still herded in the capitol left panicking over the entrance of a human, and the revelation that she’d been living in a pointless loop for god knows how long, and smears of violet daylight spreading across the distance sky announcing none of them had gotten any sleep, Alphys decided that no one should ever have to go through so much in one day.

From some months ago, Alphys recalled something Sans said the first night they and shared a bed for the sake of feeling a little less alone when the bad thoughts struck. She was feeling spat on by the universe and something must’ve been bothering Sans before she came in, because she recalled with clarity his quavering words, 

“‘Just…What the hell did we do to deserve this, huh?’”

This was no longer the time to argue. Moving past this fight was vital because holding a grudge against Sans was essentially isolating herself even more than she already was. It solved nothing and ruined everything. She had to forgive.

Forgive. Forgive. Forgive.

She was hurt, but she still loved Sans as much as she did before, and having been through the same situation countless times, it made sense he didn’t think this run meant anything different. It was okay. 

Sans didn’t look up as she pulled out a chair beside him and sat down, gingerly taking his hand and stoked the lines of bone with her thumb.

“D-deep breaths… y-you’re okay… You’re right, I can’t p-possibly understand, th-that sounds awful,” She paused, gnawing hard on her lip. “But I c-can understand what you’re feeling because I’ve l-lost people too, and I’m so sorry that this is happening. M-maybe it could help to think that this isn’t really that different from what you’ve been going through? And I m-mean, everything sucks but we’ve made it this far, y-you know? We can get through this together, okay?”

Her mindless encouragement surely did little to help. Sans shifted after a few minutes, revealing a small pool of tears that had gathered on the table before him and ran a hand over his skull.

He murmured quietly, “I’m gonna go.” 

A sudden alertness sliced through her exhaustion. “Where are you g-going?” 

His hand rested on the back of his skull and he spoke like it was an effort to string together his words, “Just…a hotel or something, I don’t know.” Pushing out his chair, he let out another laugh-sob. “My brother’s dead for real this time and I need to get out of here tonight and... think.” 

She watched him stand and the red flags rising then found herself on her feet as well, speaking quickly before he could walk away or teleport.

“Sans I know you’re hurting, believe me I know what it’s like to lose people… but that’s why I’m scared for you. I don’t think you’re thinking straight and that’s really dangerous. I-I’m scared you might do something…” Her voice trailed away and the tips of her claws were tapping together nervously. Sans was looking at her, and she was struggling suddenly, and it was the wrong time to stumble. “It’s just that i-in the past when I’ve b-been this… this devastated that, I’ve w-wanted to… to…”

An incredulous expression flitted across his face as he said, “Well, I’m not—I don’t.” And moved towards the door just as Alphys positioned herself between him and the exit.

She had been so helpless, so idle even as piles of dust replaced her loved ones, but not now. Even if it was just a precaution, she wasn’t going to risk anything she didn’t have to—not with Sans.

Tension pulling at her expression, voice raised out of desperation she pleaded, “Sans, I don’t know that! You’re an impeccable liar and also very unstable right now, s-so please, just stay in tonight.”

Sans pressed a hand to his skull, once again looking like he was about to fall to pieces. Already, whatever composure he’d mustered for the moment was fraying. He held out a disarming hand and managed, “I’m not—look, I swear I’ll be fine. I just need some time alone. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

Sans was moving again and fear gripped her with icy claws, and suddenly it was life or death.

“Then as your queen I command you to stay!” Alphys didn’t know where the impulse came from, but she found the words readily tumbling out of her mouth. If Sans was a danger to himself then this would fall under her jurisdiction. 

Still, Sans looked taken aback and slightly hurt. “Wh- Alph you can’t just keep me here—”

“I-I’m really sorry about this, but I don’t trust you! Not right now. And if you try t-to teleport out of here, I’ll call the guard to have them go find and arrest you and keep watch on you until you’ve calmed down because you’re not stable right now!”

She finished, advancing a step forward as he retreated a step back.

The look of shock remained for only a moment before melting back into hopeless resignation. He exhaled, running a hand over his skull again, then made a defeated sort of gesture. 

“Fine.”

He hit his back to the wall and slid down, eyes closed and head tilted upwards. Light trickling though the window illuminated the silent tears that traced his skull, and he hugged his arms around himself in a pitiful attempt at comfort. 

Alpys sat beside him, resting her chin on her knees and halfheartedly stroked the sleeve of his jacket. It was all she could do to be there for support in the hopes of cushioning his fall, but not enough to begin to heal someone so irreparably heartbroken.

Neither of them moved, even as light began pouring through the windows until finally she heard a rustle of clothes and opened her heavy eyes to see Sans getting to his feet.

“I’m gonna sleep,” He muttered and trailed off down the hall without another word, and Alphys decided it would be best to leave him be. She could handle sleeping alone again. In fact, sleep sounded very tempting, but there were things left for her to deal with before she could let herself rest.

Fingers trembling, she dug out her phone and stared at the dim screen. She closed her eyes for a moment, thinking through what she had to say and allowed herself a few anxious minutes. She had time.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale…

Finally she hit the call button. The guard answered by the first two rings.

“Queen Alphys!” He said with the enthusiastic tone of someone finally relieved of a heavy burden. 

“The human is dead,” She said blankly, without a trace of uncertainty. “I took the soul and the crisis is over so, please notify the other guardsmen and escort those evacuated back to their towns. Thank you all for your faithful service and keeping everyone safe.” 

“Y-yes, your majesty! Actually I myself was on the verge of calling you and making sure things were okay, but I didn’t want to disturb—”

She held up a hand as if he could see it and said, “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude but I have to go. There are things I need to deal with within the castle.”

“Oh,” The guard said dejectedly. “Yes of course. Well, what a cause for celebration! I’ll get right on spreading the word.”

Upon ending the call she placed the phone on the tile floor, heart pounding in her chest. It was the only thing she could think to do, though she couldn’t hide Frisk forever. Somebody was going to find out, but... 

She could practically hear Sans’ voice in her head,

‘Well, what else are we gonna do? Try tellin’ the Underground this kid’s immortal and see who buys it?’

Alphys hated feeling so helpless. In fact, for the past day she had been presented with alarmingly few options. Was this her life now? Being forced into impossible situations and choosing the lesser evil, whether from sending Sans off to fight and possibly die at the hands of the human, to lying to the entire Underground? 

Groaning, she leaned her head against the cool wall and shut her tired eyes. She’d have to talk to Frisk later and let them know the situation, that under no circumstances could they ever be seen by anyone other than she or Sans, but perhaps she could rest her eyes for a moment…


	11. alphys and sans adopt a child

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;u; why hello hello I am back from the dead!! not to say updates are gonna get any quicker im still a busy bee but lOOK content!! Aaa im not sure if anyone is all that into this story, but I feel like addressing the fact that we’ve just hit a major turning point for the story and I left yall off on a sort of cliffhanger in which sans had a major breakdown and nothing is okay, so sorry about that :’) Once again, ive got the rest of the story planned out, we’re about halfway at this point and I will finish this but its gonna be a while <33 plus im secretly working on something else also undertale related that im hoping to post later on, though I wont say much about it. Its rude to speak of someone whos listening anyway, but happy birthday to undertale also!!

Alphys awoke on the kitchen floor to the gurgle of boiling water. Cracking open a heavy eyelid, through a blurry haze she saw the human busying themself over the stovetop. There was a hiss of shifting contents as Frisk poured flakes of oatmeal into the simmering pot below.

In a weak morning voice, she murmured, “Hi.” 

Frisk gave a start at the noise, evidently unaware or having forgotten she was there, then swiveled to face her.

“O-oh sorry,” Alphys said, sitting up straighter and blinked the bleariness from her gaze. She’d fallen asleep with her glasses on. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

They waved an airy hand, “No, no it’s fine. I hope you don’t mind, I found this in the pantry and figured I’d make breakfast for us.” They turned back to the steaming water, if just to take their eyes off Alphys. She was certain they felt guilty, and probably would for a long time.

It was strange seeing the human making them breakfast, especially after she and Sans tried their hardest to kill them just yesterday. She supposed this was going to be life now. It would take some getting used to.

“That’s more than fine, um… yeah, thank you.” 

There was quiet for another minute in which the broil of water filled the silence. Alphys watched steam fog up the glass of the microwave above and pushed a claw under her glasses, rubbing the exhaustion from her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. Her head was pounding, like hammers against her skull.

Their quiet voice caught her attention again. 

“Did you sleep alright?”

“Um… I guess? I don’t think I slept for very long.” No, she could feel the weight of her exhaustion beneath her eyes. The lure of sleep was tempting against the thought of working for hours, banging away at the defense mechanism, fighting a migraine, but things needed to get done. It had been in the works for far too long, it was too risky to keep it unfinished for much longer.

She doubted Frisk had slept a wink, almost certainly having heard every word she and Sans yelled about last night. It was impressive they were doing anything other than laying in bed, much less making breakfast. That was something she and Sans had lacked the motivation to do for months.

To the distress of her head, the grandfather clock in the hall chimed once, announcing the halfway point between hours. She contemplated whether it was worth the effort of speaking before pushing through and asked, “What time is it?”

Stirring the oatmeal absently, they glanced at the clock on the stove. “12:30.”

“Have you seen Sans?”

It could’ve been nothing, but she thought she saw them hesitate. “No, not today… he’s probably just sleeping in.”

“Yeah.” 

Alphys felt she wouldn’t be seeing much of Sans for a while, or maybe at all for a couple days at least. After last night, Sans had officially hit rock bottom, all the worse that it had happened completely out of the blue. It was difficult for her to understand, but certainly living under the impression throughout countless timelines that nothing is permanent, only to have this unshakable law that dictated the past, present, and future crumble without warning, would be somewhat damaging.

She had no idea it was even possible for him to break down like he did compared to how unruffled he usually seemed, and in a terrible realization, she found it unlikely he would ever function the same again. It just didn’t feel like something he could recover from and Alphys had no idea how in the hell she was supposed to help him.

A shiver ran down her spine

Perhaps she could leave some food at his door, but that might seem a bit degrading rather than thoughtful. On the other hand, what did Sans care at this point? 

The thought hurt.

Could she check on him? Did he even want to see her after she forced him to stay more or less on the threat of imprisonment? In hindsight she wondered if this impulsive action was rash.

It wasn’t worth the risk. Besides, he probably wanted to be alone, right?

Oh god, she didn’t know what to do.

Alphys pressed a hand to her head, tossed off the blanket, and placed a hand on the wall to help her to her feet. She shuffled over to the cabinet and grabbed some painkiller, threw her head back and popped three or four in her mouth.

Frisk hadn’t looked up as she passed. They just stared blankly at the oatmeal and stirred robotically. Alphys suddenly wondered what they were like before all of this, before the possession, before the Underground. Did they even remember?

She wanted to ask if they were okay, but they weren’t and she couldn’t fix it. She couldn’t fix anything. They would probably never be okay again and there was nothing she could do about it but be kind. 

Leaning against the countertop, she absently watched Frisk before clearing her throat. “Frisk, I need to talk to you.”

They clicked the stove off and slid the oats off the burner. “Yes.”

They said in a tone to suggest they thought so as well.

Alphys met their gaze for the first time that morning, and she saw the years that had broken them in their eyes. She saw bloody hands, heaving breath, relief only to be snatched away, as well as a dim flicker of something that had survived. A burning light of something that had carried them through it all, that threw them down to the Underground, guided them to the castle past furious, violent opponents, brought them here and woke them up and told them to be kind and cook oatmeal when they didn’t have to, when they were too tired to. 

What she saw, what she learned made the human soul so powerful, was determination. Perhaps only the dregs that remained after so much abuse, or was it something inexhaustible—the substance of their soul? 

They graced her a kind smile through their weariness, reigning her back from her thoughts driving her from the matter at hand. This needed to be dealt with.

“Frisk…” She began. “I’m sorry you’re in this situation. You shouldn’t have to be here, but because you’re here, I… I have to… it’s for your own good that you live within the castle forever.”

Somehow, it felt eerily similar to hiding the amalgamates within the lab. It was back to the secrets, the guilt, the fear of being caught. If anyone found out, the consequences would be much more dire that with the amalgamates. The thought shook her, and she felt the weight of pushing down on her shoulders, curving her spine. She couldn’t handle this, but just like absolutely everything else in her life, she would have to. Frisk would have to.

A tension passed over her expression, and suddenly the words were harder to come by. “No one can ever know you’re here. No one can ever see you, no one can…Frisk if they—”

To her surprise, Frisk held out a hand to stop her, smiling softly. “I understand. I knew what I was getting into when I fell, and I’m truly lucky. I thought I’d be dead, but… but I’m here and…” They lost focus for a moment, collecting their thoughts. “I know it’s a terrible burden on your that I’m here, but I’m going to try to make life easier for you and Sans. I understand the consequences if I’m seen, and I won’t let that happen.”

There were so many unsaid words stuck to her throat. Pointless comfort, consolation, encouragement that in another time she might have seen as important, but then, there was so little she could bring herself to say. None of it seemed to matter much anymore.

Instead, Alphys sighed, “Good…” 

There was a moment of calm before the storm, then a grimace broke through her expression. Leaning forward, a claw to her forehead, she started to cry.

It felt as if all the comfort she had built from the bits and pieces she’d salvaged from her shattered life so long before had been crushed once again. How could everything have gone to hell again so fast? What was she supposed to do?

A hand crept hesitantly above hers and squeezed it tight. Alphys ran her thumb back and forth over Frisk’s hand and tried to express all the unsaid things through the gesture. It wasn’t enough, but maybe it was something.

…

Following the ring of the doorbell, two things happened. Frisk, who was residing in the kitchen, dropped a mug they were washing and chipped off the handle, struggled over the mess they had made for a moment before dashing off towards their room to hide. Alphys was in her workshop testing the mobility of her recently completed robot arms, heard the bell, and rushed out the door without bothering to take her safety goggles off. 

They passed each other about halfway before Frisk ducked into their room and Alphys, seeing Frisk had realized what to do, no longer saw the need to run or worry much about the situation at all. She still did, but at least Frisk had taken care of theirself without her needing to shepherd them into their room with explicit instructions to not leave. 

Alphys undid the lock and opened the door to find Napstablook hovering before her, glowing dimly in the shade of the doorway.

They gave her a tiny smile and waved a nubby arm at her. “Hey…do you need any help today?”

Her heart gave a lurch. 

On an ordinary day Napstablook would of course be welcome, but it seemed Alphys had run out of ordinary days now that she was hiding a human that was supposed to be dead right down the hall, and would continue to do so for the foreseeable future. As much as she desperately wanted to act like everything was fine, she was now hiding both their dead cousin and a live human from Napstablook. Things were not fine and could not continue to function with so much at stake, because something eventually had to give. 

“Oh, well in all honesty the workflow is sort of slowing down… so there won’t be as much for you to do… which is probably a good thing, though!” She said, seeing no change in their expression but guessed at the sound of her own words they needed a sort of cushion. “So you won’t be swamped with a mountain of paperwork.”

Ideally they would go back home, but she couldn’t bear to kick them out either. Instead, Napstablook smiled slowly.

“Even if it’s just a little, I’m so glad I can help out at all…” They said, glowing faintly brighter at the sentiment. 

Alphys bit her cheek and forced a smile, “Me too. Come one in.” She said, beckoning them inside.

They floated through silently, gazing around blearily as she shut and bolted the door.

“Oh it looks so nice in here… it’s so neat and tidy now…” They said, drifting over to the table.

Alphys hadn’t noticed, but now that Napstablook pointed it out, the house did look fairly cleaner than before. Empty cup-of-noodles, pizza boxes, and long abandoned dishes overflowing the sink onto the counters seemed to be significantly less prominent than before. It wasn’t Sans, which left Frisk only this morning to have taken care of the mess. 

Sure enough the dishwasher was gurgling merrily—how’d they do all that without waking her up? With a twinge of guilt, Alphys wondered if Asgore would be disappointed to see his home in such a wreck, only to be cleaned up by a child.

Napstablook sat down, or more or less just hovered above the seat, and began examining the pages now roughly organized in piles, then glanced up again at Alphys.

“Um… is Sans around…?”

“No,” She answered, flatly. “He’s sick today so he’s sleeping in.”

Perhaps it was concerning she was getting more skilled at lying, but at the moment she was too tired to care. If Sans came out of his room and Napstablook saw it might be a problem convincing him he was sick without letting Napstablook know, but she seriously doubted she would see him at all today.

Their expression melted into one of concern. “Oh, I’m sorry… I hope he feels better soon…”

“Yeah,” Alphys bit her lip, trailing off. “I do too…” She shook her head and smiled at Napstablook, linking her claws together. “Well, I suppose you’re on your own today. I’ll be I the workshop if you need me.”

It was a little hard to tell without the raise of an eyebrow, but their eyes squinted into a look of confusion. “I might be wrong but, will the noise wake up Sans?”

Right, yes. Because he was sleeping in today. Actually he might really be sleeping…

“Oh god, you’re right,” She said clapping a claw to her forehead. “I can’t believe I almost just did that. You don’t mind if I work with you then, do you?”

For the second time, they glowed like a dim candle as she pulled out a chair opposite them. 

As tired and overwhelmed as she was, she couldn’t find it within herself to be unpleasant to Napstablook, or feel quite as badly as she did without them. They worked for hours, talking sparingly, or just sitting in comfortable silence. Or as comfortable as it could have been. Really Alphys’ thoughts kept flickering to Frisk. In a worst case scenario, they might assume Nasptablook was gone due to the silence and come outside, though in the back of her mind she felt Frisk would wait for as long as it took until getting the okay from Alphys to come out. She wasn’t sure and had no real proof, but rather trusted a gut feeling.

Napstablook left after a committed few hours and Alphys was no closer to figuring out what to do about them. It would be nice to talk about it with Sans, but seeing as he was out of commission for a while…

One thing was for sure, they could not keep coming as often they wanted. Things needed to change for all of their sakes. 

Alphys padded off down the hall and knocked softly on Frisk’s door.

“Frisk?” She said, pressing an ear to the door. “It’s okay, you can come out now.”

She stepped back as the knob turned and the door opened gently, revealing Frisk, a shadow of unease still written into their expression.

“Thank you so much for staying hidden,” Alphys said, stepping aside as they wandered through the threshold. “I know that took a while, heheh... It shouldn’t much of an issue anymore.”

“It wasn’t a problem,” They said, a subtle tension pulling at the edges of their well-mannered smile. They shuffled their feet for a moment, visibly struggling to speak their mind before they managed, “Um… that was Napstablook right? And… if you’re implying not having them work here anymore, you really don’t have to do that. I can stay hidden as long as necessary, it’s truly the least I could do.”

“Oh, I-I…” Alphys began twisting her hands together. “I a-appreciate that but really there’s just too many variables. It’s not your fault, but just for all of our safety I f-feel like it’s the best option to…”

Fire them? Of course Frisk felt guilty, but there really wasn’t anything she could do about that. Leaving Napstablook out of the equation was important. The benefits of having them remain far underweighted the risks involved, and surely Frisk understood that.

Frisk nodded silently, gaze drifting towards the ground, only to suddenly glance back up with a tiny gasp. “Maybe you can compromise? You can… maybe schedule one day of the week for them to come in?”

Ugh, crushing innocent hope was not in Alphys’ job description…

Raising her shoulders, she said, “Well, that might… wait, that might actually work, Frisk.” Realization dawned like a holy gift from above. For the first time in a couple days that felt more like years, Alphys felt something cut through her deadpan composure. She grinned a little, tapping a finger to her chin. “We won’t be caught by surprise and can account for more than we could if we didn’t know they were coming…? You know what, yeah! That sh-should work.”

Frisk seemed to reflect her excitement, hands balling up into fists. They bore such a hopeful expression Alphys did not have to disappoint.

“I guess…how about Fridays? And you’re alright w-with staying in your room?”

Frisk nodded, and Alphys could imagine the guilt shedding from their conscience. It wasn’t much, but it was a win they both desperately needed.

Frisk headed to the kitchen, presumably to continue their astoundingly quiet cleaning, but Alphys couldn’t bring herself to move. 

It had been an exhausting day. Dusk was fast approaching, and there were still things to do. She had failed to make any progress on the robot today, pizza needed to be ordered for dinner, but most importantly…

Her gaze shifted to the end of the hallway. The bits of darkness not replaced by the bulbs in desperate need of replacements had gathered near his door. The plan to give him some alone time suddenly felt like a mistake. In that moment, it felt as if she had left him to his own devices for far too long.

Worry crept from the edges of her mind and writhed within her soul. This was not a situation she had encountered before. When she was lost and grieving, Sans has been the one to comfort her. Now it was her turn, and how could she not know what to do?

It seemed her feet moved on their own accord, bringing her to his door. A claw wrapped around the cold handle and pushed open his door.

The lights were off and the only light allotted for in the windowless room emanated from the behind Alphys. 

Above his bed, she found him curled up on top of the covers, immobile, but there nonetheless.

She was suddenly unsure what she thought she would find. From the threshold she pressed a hand against the wall and watched his sides rise and fall in rhythm. It would have been impossible to tell anything was wrong from how peacefully he slept. 

Then, hand sliding from the doorway, she approached the edge of the bed noiselessly. 

Alphys drew an uncertain claw that lingered in the air before brushing it across his cheek.

She bit down on her lip. What was she doing? The best thing she could do for him would be to let him rest instead of creeping around in his room. What was this supposed to accomplish?

Exhaling softly, she murmured one of many unsaid things, “I love you.” Then left, shutting the door behind her. 

Alphys stopped mid-stride, the tips of her fingers still hanging on the doorknob. A savory smell had wafted from the kitchen. Could it be…? A home cooked meal?

That child was an angel.

Alphys would have to leave a plate at Sans’ door later…

…

HP .9/.9

Death was dangerously close. He could feel it in his faintly pulsing soul. His entire existence was now a candle suddenly deprived of all oxygen, ready to burn out at any moment.

HP .8/.8

Monsters needed hope to live. They needed a will to survive, a certain determination, and the thought of seeing his brother’s face again was what kept him going. Now he just wanted to rest. A weariness permanently resided in his marrow, slowly consuming him, and finally he was slipping away…

HP .7/.7

After all he had seen… after everything… could he just sleep and never wake up? Simply fade away like dust in the wind…maybe he would even see him again…

HP .6/.6

The door opened and his eyes snapped open. How long had he been laying there? 

He followed his first instinct of feigning sleep. Even as she touched his cheek and whispered such a sentiment, he remained still up until the door closed once again.

Sans opened his eyes.

Alphys…

HP .6/.6

For her. He would do it for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another thing, seeing as updates have significantly slowed down and theres not really a set schedule other than "check saturdays", if you have any questions abt the fic or when the next update is gonna be, feel free to leave them in the comments, but ive also got a tumblr for that specifically, sadnerdsclub.tumblr.com where I might make posts about when the next update is gonna be from time to time since theres not really an option for that on archive ;u;


	12. the saddest finger guns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Could you stomach it anymore, could you stand to be a breath away?  
> Can you feel the way your face distorts, did you think that it could be this way?  
> I can hear you from behind the door, I can feel you from a mile away  
> As you're growing out of my control, will you watch me as I fade away?”

Their heart leapt in fear upon hearing the creak of hinges emanating from the hall when Alphys wasn’t home. 

Of course, the last time they saw him was shortly after being brutally slaughtered a hundred plus times, only to deliver the news once he stopped that yes, they were all in fact stuck with this ending, sorry. It had been about two days since then. 

Alphys was out getting groceries in response to seeing their increasingly bare pantries and Frisk was in the midst of sorting a small pile of laundry in the living room when they froze, mid-fold of a stained, off-white turtleneck to listen as Sans moved down the hall and into the dining room.

Should they acknowledge him, or would Sans prefer they not talk to him? What could they even say? They got the feeling that Sans would more or less attempt to interact with them as little as possible, which was completely understandable. The two had far too many unpleasant memories surrounding each other Frisk supposed…

They caught sight of him for only a moment before quickly averting their gaze back down towards the laundry, but that glimpse was enough. Sans looked worse than they had ever seen him, as if the magic holding his bones together would collapse in a heap of dust at any given moment, and the dim lights of his eyes would extinguish like a burned out bulb. He seemed a hundred years old. A walking undead.

There was a slow grating of chair legs against the floor, and as Frisk dared to look up they saw him sitting at the table, head resting in the crook of his arm, gazing blearily at the piles of paperwork like a sad dog. He closed his eyes and exhaled audibly, making no attempt to reach for the papers. It was enough of an effort for him to come out of his room considering the situation, so Frisk didn’t blame him at all.

Carefully, they went to work on the laundry again, though having gone presumably unnoticed, they ensured they made enough noise to subtly announce their presence. Sure enough, as they tossed the sweater onto Sans’ unnervingly small clothes pile, he opened his eyes, gaze shifting over to them.

His expression read more mild surprise than anything, but somehow Frisk felt excruciatingly small. Nervousness took hold, an icy sensation running down their back, and they were unable to look away or begin to form words.

Sans blinked, giving no indication of anything beyond recognition, then looked forward once more, staring unfocused at whatever happened to be in front of him. It was clear he didn’t want to talk.

That was fine. Frisk had nothing to say. Actually, they rarely had anything to say. Except…

“Where’s Alphys?”

They jumped far more violently than they should have—too violently not to notice.

He lifted his head at this, something close to vague concern passing over his face. “Uh… sorry?”

They waved in a dismissive gesture, then folded their fingers together and began rubbing their thumb anxiously. “Left…” They cleared their throat lightly upon hearing their self. “Left to buy groceries.”

“Hm,” Sans murmured, laying his head back down. “You okay, kid?”

Frisk nodded, and it wasn’t strictly a lie. If they were never okay by default, then did it truly mean anything to say they weren’t? Oh, whatever… like Sans would want to hear them whine when they were the cause of all his problems and the reason none of them would ever be okay again.

Sans’ lingered for a moment before shutting his eyes once more. Frisk was very nearly finished, but the thought of walking by Sans to drop off his and Alphys’ clothes by their doors was too daunting, like creeping past a sleeping lion. It was stupid, what the hell did they think he was going to do? Still, they knocked over Alphys’ pile and began refolding her various sweats, graphic t-shirts, and hoodies.

Neither spoke again.

…

The lock clicked and the door swung open before Alphys scooped up the second bag she’d set down in the doorway and stumbled inside, two hefty plastic bags weighing her down. Since going outside was always such a hassle, she’d attempted to make the most of the excursion to the dismay of her arms now shaking from the exertion of carrying them all the way home. The thin handles of the bags cut deep enough into her palms to leave imprints in her numb, throbbing fingers.

She threw the bags down inside and shut the door with a whap of her tail, vowing to put the groceries away later, halfway knowing she was lying to herself as she moved to head to her workshop before catching sight of a certain someone in the kitchen.

Stopping in her tracks, she held his gaze wordlessly. He looked at her with certain apprehension, as if somehow she wouldn’t be exactly happy to see him.

It was the first time since their argument that they’d seen each other face to face, and she could feel the slight tension nibbling at the edges of that single apprehensive moment. It was a tension that coincided the crack in their relationship hastily sealed by shoving her hurt feelings aside, which was something that wouldn’t hold forever. Only then could the extent of the damage done that night truly be realized, and by Sans’ expression, he was braced for the worst.

Alphys found herself moving, slow at first, and then faster until she could throw her arms around him.

Of course, she had already decided not to stay angry. Forgiveness and healing had been what she was pushing for, and all that remained was showing Sans that. Things were weird, but when had they not been weird? It was all they could do to not think about it and continue going through the motions, taking it one day at a time.

God, two days was far too long. 

…

A new routine fell into place on its own accord. Frisk would take care of everyday things like cooking, cleaning, making grocery lists, and gently reminding Sans and Alphys usually through sticky notes on the kitchen table to shower or eat or drink enough water. They also went to work on the pile of papers that permanently resided on the kitchen table when Sans wasn’t. Alphys had officially set a date for tryouts for the position of head of the royal guard, or just in the guard in general. Word was spreading of the open position, calling for all eligible candidates to show up to tryouts in two weeks to demonstrate their expertise and submit their resumes in the meantime. Still, that was two more weeks of work with the addition of reading through resumes sent in or emailed, now with one less staff member than usual.

Alphys had told Napstablook to only come in on Fridays, and she and Sans hadn’t really talked about how that went down, but he couldn’t help but wonder if there were any hurt feelings. Napstablook did seem a little down on Fridays, but that could just be their personality.

Fridays actually, were the weirdest. Frisk hid in their room and Alphys worked in her lab while Sans would do his best to keep Napstablook thinking things were normal despite the glaring fact that something could easily go wrong in which Napstablook would see Frisk and their lives, as awful as they were, would be pretty much over. However, at this point as opposed to bringing it up with Alphys he’d decided that whatever else happened he was just gonna go with it. It was so much easier that way. He had bigger things to worry about, anyway.

Sans had noticed the effects of his new .6 hp. Before, he thought everything was exhausting. Now, he realized that he needed a new more powerful word to describe exactly how tiring it was to do anything at all.

His sleep schedule was scattered throughout the day in longer intervals than before as a result of doing things like signing a pitiful amount of documents or getting out of bed. Talking was too much effort, so he resorted to lapsing into wordlessness when before he might have managed to come off as less coarse. Changing clothes was more of a hassle than he could afford, like he had some sort of energy bar in a video game that depleted far too quickly. Days that blurred together before now merged completely, throwing any sense of time he’d managed to salvage completely out the window. And what did any of it matter anyway? 

It was all he could hope for that Alphys didn’t notice, but of course she would and he knew that, but he could perhaps procrastinate on having the conversation he knew was coming until she did confront him about it. Every “day” (or what could be judged to be a day) he hoped for just one more before she brought it up. Nonetheless, it happened too soon.

“Sans?”

Upon prying open his eyes, the world was still a muffled haze, like trying to process things underwater.

“Mm?” He managed, sliding a hand up his skull and over his eyes. 

The white noise that was the T.V’s monologue reminded him where he was. Alphys had set up a cartoon for the three of them to watch after asking Frisk to pick which one. He must’ve fallen asleep pretty quick.

He glanced over to Alphys’ side of the couch and saw that Frisk was gone, presumably to bed. It felt late. She sat with her legs and tail curled up, covered by a leaf green blanket with a surprising look of determination that was enough to rouse him to sit up at least.

The motion sent a recoil of pain to his head, but nothing he couldn’t ignore…and when did he get a headache? Leaning forward, he pressed an elbow to his knee and propped his cheek in his hand, eyeing her expectantly.

Noticeably, she gripped the blanket tightly within her claws.

“Can I ask you something?”

Here we go.

“You sure that’s a good idea now? Wanna wait till I wake up?”

A smile pulled a bit too tightly along the edges of her mouth. “Th-that’s the thing, Sans. You don’t w-wake up, you know? I mean your st-stamina has gotten way lower since… well, and I b-blamed the depression a-at first, but this is just excessive. Being this tired is abnormal. L-like you went to the store the other day, not even walking but you teleported, right? And you came back so, so tired a-after barely anything. I’m worried about you, I think s-somethings wrong.”

Sans supposed he could’ve just said he was fine and dodge the question as usual, but this time there were significant consequences to not telling her the truth. He had to tell her. It wasn’t fair for him to keep it a secret. That didn’t make it any easier for him to formulate a response, and he must have looked the internal struggle since she waited patiently for him to say something even as the silence accumulated.

“Yeah,” He sighed, deciding there really wasn’t any other way to go about it but bluntly. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that actually.” Once more, he cupped a hand over his eyes, this time mostly just because he couldn’t bear to look at her as he said, “I’m just givin’ it to you straight, but I’m pretty sure I’m dying. My HP was dangerously low before…this… and I don’t know what it’s at now. Honestly I’ve no idea how much time I’ve got left.”

He had dropped the bombshell, imagining a look of horror upon her face, stricken into silence. There was a lurch of guilt that writhed within his chest, because how dare he leave her alone? It was all she could do to make a sort of choked noise before managing in the shaky voice of someone trying very hard to stay calm, “W-we can f-find out, t-t-test it, r-right now, okay?”

Someone was tugging on his hand, pulling him to his feet. “L-lets f-f-figure th-this out, okay? I-I’m s-sure it’s n-not that…” 

He allowed himself to be led by the hand into her workshop, which was convenient since he still couldn’t see her face.

Sitting lifelessly upon her table decorated with significantly less discarded ramen cups than usual was what she had to show for her progress on the defense mechanism. The robot must’ve been 7 feet tall with its back propped against the wall, chin resting upon the armored barrel chest, sleek, plated arms draped across the table, one of which resembled a cylindrical canon, and legs dangled from the edge of the table.

Until then, Sans hadn’t gotten the chance to truly appreciate all that she’d accomplished on the project, but now wasn’t the best time to point that out he supposed. 

Alphys hurried to the closet that Sans forgot had existed, tugged it open, and immediately a hastily stowed cardboard box tumbled out and spilled the contents across the floor. It was a moment before Sans recognized it as some of the lab equipment he and those couple of volunteers had managed to haul in from the now abandoned lab. 

She kicked aside the box and delved deeper into the closet of mysteries while Sans took the liberty of sitting in her comfy looking computer chair. In reality it felt as if it had reached the end of its glory days years ago, and the strange hole carved in the back for a tail he didn’t have didn’t help. 

“Do you need any help?” He asked before she emerged with what looked like a sphygmomanometer. 

“N-no, here it is,” She said, forcing what he guessed was supposed to be a comforting smile. “Um, j-just wrap this part a-around y-your upper arm and I’ll attach the o-other end t-to the monitor,” She said, more or less shoving the contraption into his hands. One end had a velcro cuff and the other was an unconnected wire.

Eyeing her while she bustled over her computer, he tugged up his sleeve and strapped the cuff around the exposed bone.

“Th-this program will read and d-display your p-potential ATK, DEF, a-and HP,” She murmured, jittery fingers flying across the keyboard until a new window filled the screen. Sans was no stranger to how the test worked and Alphys knew that, but perhaps explaining it was the only thing keeping her calm.

“Uh huh,” He said, nodding politely. 

She tapped her fingers together, glancing between Sans and the screen that now read ATK, DEF, and HP. “It’s c-calibrating r-right now, s-since it’s designed to a-analyze t-the individual’s soul w-without direct—” 

Suddenly numbers flashed upon the screen, and a certain dry throat, eye widening, calm before the storm descended upon the room. 

 

1 ATK 1 DEF .6 HP

 

Behind the claw clamped over her mouth, Alphys let out a shuddering gasp, stumbling back as if about to fall over, eyes locked on the screen.

Sans, though unsure of what to expect, hadn’t realized how shocking it would be to see the number itself.

“S-Sans!” She said in a horrified whisper, throwing a hand out to the screen. “I d-didn’t even know it w-was possible to l-live on that l-low and HP! You sh-shouldn’t b-be… y-you shouldn’t be g-going outside, you c-can’t b-be doing hardly anything!”

Sans let out a hollow laugh. “Heh, suits me.” 

She gaped at him incredulously. “This isn’t a j-joke! If you r-rolled off your b-bed in your sleep, y-you could l-literally die! Wh-what the hell was your HP at before?” 

Sheepishly, he held up a single finger.

“Wh-what?” Confusion and disbelief clouded her expression, and she began to pace and wringing her hands the way she did when her world was slipping, fraying at the fragile seams. “That’s crazy! You… you w-would have to be e-extremely careful a-about everything! I m-mean… granted you can g-go over max HP through s-sleep so I s-suppose that could…” Stopping suddenly, Sans could see the revelation dawning as her gaze lifted, drifting toward him, less stricken and more astonished. “That’s… that explains a lot.”

He made what must have been the most pathetic, halfhearted finger guns in history. 

Yes, that was certainly one of the perks of sleeping all the time. Though not a glamorous way of life, being able to boost his HP above the potential of a measly 1 had saved his life more times than he could count. Otherwise rolling out of bed really would be life threatening. 

“I’ve never h-heard of a m-monster sleeping to survive before…” Alphys bit her nail, the worry of her thoughts reflecting in her face. “B-but there’s still a l-limit to how f-far over the max you can go, f-for example if you sleep f-forever you can’t have infinite HP, s-so there’s significant r-risk in you d-doing… anything? Sans if you g-got sick or got into s-some sort of accident you c-could...”

Shrugging, he leaned back into the increasingly uncomfortable chair. “Look, it’s not so bad when you think about it. I’ll just live the same way I always have and I’ll be fine. What I’m concerned about is what .6 HP means in the long run. You and I both know that a monster can’t live off .6 HP. Just lookin’ at the bright side of things ain’t enough to raise HP, so .6 is gonna stay,” He dropped his tone, sounding suddenly more serious, as if the matter wasn’t already grave. “Look, you are the only reason I’m hangin’ on by a thread, but I don’t want it to come as a surprise when that thread snaps.”

“I...” She took a step back, eyes shifting between the monitor and Sans wildly, like a cornered animal. Whatever calm facade Alphys had managed to hold up until then visibly collapsed as she pushed her claws beneath her glasses and leaned the whole of herself against the wall. “God…” She whispered, shaking her head, breathing suddenly heavy and erratic. “I can’t… God, I can’t lose you…”

“Alph…” Sans said getting to his feet, but what was he supposed to do? What could he possibly say to be of some comfort?

She sunk to the floor with a hitch of her shoulders and openly began to sob. Quickly, like the heightening of a storm, her cries became more violent, ugly and guttural with the force of one vomiting. Tears collected at the heels of her palms and rolled down her arms finding home along the ground in rushing streams.

Sans sat on the floor beside her, knowing he could not comfort her because they already knew the future. The outcome was decided for them, and it was to be that things were not and would not ever be okay so why should he tell her it would be? Life was not going to get better. In fact, how the hell could things possibly get worse than being left to wonder each and every day if she would wake up and find, instead of her friend, a puddle of dust? The only certainty was that this would happen, not when. He wondered if he would be doing her a favor to hurry up and die already and that if, in some way, it would be a relief to her.

Sans tried to imagine how he would feel if the roles were reversed and found it hurt too much to think about. It took more effort than he could afford to give just to put himself through even this imaginary scenario. No, he would much rather die, as sick as it was. He wanted to empathize, to somehow demonstrate the ache in his soul for her, but god he was too tired to figure out how. 

He was never any good at these kind of emotionally vulnerable moments and so even at his best he would be piecing together what to do, but with Alphys at her lowest point in as far back as he could remember, it was pathetic all he could manage was this useless, lethargic sympathy. 

When her crying slowed just enough to form words, between heaving breaths she murmured, “You… y-you were s-supposed t-to stay… Of everything in our c-crap l-lives, you’re the only th-thing I could always r-rely on t-to help me through it.” 

God.

That was what he had thought as well, that the two of them were supposed to stay together, and maybe they were. But this felt like a glitched game where things happened that were never supposed to, as if something beyond their control went wrong and resulted in… this. A bad ending that kept getting worse.

What a mistake this entire situation was, trying to be a ‘good friend’ and help her out as queen only to end up taking this false hope and dangerous reliance she had built upon him, and crushing it to dust like brittle bones within the merciless jaws of the world. Of course he would screw up something that simple this badly. Why was it even surprising? She would have truly been better off had he just stayed out of her life rather than let it all come down to such a screwed up end.

In fact, he could see the cracks spiraling across her thin, fragile exterior, and debilitating as they were, as queen of the Underground, it was her responsibility to keep functioning properly and keep acting like everything was fine. She could not afford to break down lest there be consequences far greater…

Alphys was not a weak ruler, but if she wasn’t able to function without him then the kingdom would no longer be supported beneath their queen. He had realized this as he was going off to kill Frisk, but the difference was that back then there was very little chance of him dying. Now, it was one of the few certainties in their erratic, incredibly unfortunate lives. 

Trusting his impulse, he touched her shoulder gently and said, “We’ve still got time to figure this out.”

At this, she let out a harsh laugh cracked with emotion. “Wh-what’s left to f-figure out?”

He rested his head on her shoulder in sorry defeat, and under different circumstances he would’ve tried harder and pushed to find meaningful words to provide some solace, but…

After a moment she wrapped her arms around him and he was pulled forward into a hug that felt more like Alphys clinging to what was left of her own life. Sans hugged her back, and they stayed that way a long time, lapsed into quiet long after she calmed down.

Half asleep and skewed as his thinking, he figured probably a significant amount of time had passed going off the pain in his bones from sitting so long.

“Well, I’ll tell you one thing,” He said, feeling Alphys jump a little at the break of silence. Sans jabbed a finger at her empty, godawful computer chair. “We’ve gotta get you a new chair.” 

Alphys laughed a little sadly, but hey, it was still a laugh.

He upturned a palm, smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “You’re queen of the hecking Underground and this pile of rocks is where you spend 90% of the day? Nope. Not acceptable.”

She snorted and swiped a hand across her red rimmed eyes, long since dry. With an effort, she hauled herself to her feet and held out a hand to help Sans up.

Fragile as she still was from the recent breakdown, she was alright for now, and there was a strength in how she tugged him upwards that he did not possess. 

“We should probably go to sleep,” She said, folding her hands together in their trademark positron. “Sorry for crying for hours… but there’s still some night left I think?”

Not that that mattered to Sans anyway since he no longer had anything remotely resembling a sleep schedule.

…

The fact was that everyone would be better off if Frisk was dead. They knew this, and despite all they did in a vain attempt to make their self more useful through keeping the house clean and encouraging Alphys and Sans to take care of themselves, it of course wasn’t enough. It couldn’t even compare to the value of their soul if they could only give it up, the value of a different situation in the Underground had they never been born and thus never fallen in the first place. 

It was one thing having thoughts of self-loathing and feeling that the world would be better off without you, and another thing when the thoughts were actually true. Most everyone else was an exception. Most everyone else possessed immeasurable worth and importance. 

Not here. Not Frisk. 

Frisk was an absolute disease. 

Watching a cartoon with Alphys and Sans was nice. It certainly made them feel a bit better, because Alphys didn’t have to offer to watch with them and on top of that let them pick which cartoon, but she did. That didn’t make them any less terrible, but instead demonstrated Alphys’ kindness. They were grateful, but again, gratefulness was in no way compensation.

Really, after laying wide awake in bed for an hour once the show ended thinking about nothing but how much they hate their self, they came upon no real profound revelations beyond they were probably the reason Alphys was crying in the room down the hall. It felt like thinking for that long should have felt more soul-searchy, but it didn’t. It just felt guilty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i almost posted this having only 1/3 the chapter copied over and i have this awful fear i've made that mistake before and i just didn't catch it. also ive taken to accidentally writing "alphy" instead of "alphys" and i will bet my spinning dinosaur ring that theres already an "alphy" somewhere in this fic


	13. meanwhile the omelet burns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna put edgy song lyrics in the description but someone drew me fanart so im putting that instead, because it’s abSOLUTELY GORGEOUS and I still cannot get over that this fic got fanart, it’s like a dream come true aaaaa!!!! It was made by determinedtopun-archived.tumblr.com, please go check out their art!  
> http://determinedtopun-archived.tumblr.com/post/152831262176/her-wet-eyes-snapped-open-to-find-herself-on-the  
> in other news, i’m very exhausted and anxious and busy please forgive me for taking forever to do anything <333 ily <33

It was an average morning beforehand. 

Frisk was cooking an omelet over the stovetop. Sans was sitting with a pen pressed to a document, eyes closed and head slack in his palm. Alphys was sipping her morning coffee and glancing over some of the incomplete paperwork, trying to figure out how much of it she could knock out before finishing her cup. Other than the sizzle of the omelet, the atmosphere rested in a comfortable quiet.

That was, until the front door flung open with a resounding bang that caused Frisk’s spatula to slip to the floor, jolted Sans awake with a violent start, and spilled Alphys’ coffee across her hands and several fairly important papers. 

A few things happened in quick succession. Alphys was on her feet in an instant, utterly alarmed because no one was supposed to be there, certainly not this armless, beaming yellow monster fast approaching the dining room in horrifyingly close vicinity to Frisk. From the corner of her eye she saw a frantic blur of motion. Upon turning around, an abandoned chair opposite her clattered to the ground and the breakfast roasting on the stove was left unattended. The threat was gone almost faster than she could register what was happening. 

It was only in the aftermath that she would realize she’d left the door unlocked the last time she went out for groceries and this simple act had very nearly ruined all of their lives, but she was still left with a visitor to attend to, however unwelcome. 

…

It happened faster than Frisk could react, though time itself seemed to move in slow motion as they watched the events unfold. The door had swung open revealing a monster that bounded into the room, spiked tail swishing with excitement. There was no way they could run to their room, no good place to hide in the kitchen, and all it would take for the truth to be outed and for Alphys’ rule to be thrown into jeopardy was a turn of the monster’s head upon entering the dining room. 

They could feel their world falling apart, see the damage before it ravaged the life they had managed to scrape together until a rough, bony hand grabbed hold of their arm, yanking them forward into nothingness.

Having no time to be startled, the ground seemed to tip forward instantaneously at their painful grasp, and in a shift like switching scenes, their feet landed against soft grass.

Letting out an involuntary cry, they jerked their arm out of their captors grasp, lurched backwards on a reflex, and fell to the ground. 

Or was it golden tile?

Fight or flight seemed to take over as they scrabbled backwards and clutched a hand to their chest, breathing quickly as a rabbit in the face of a wolf. Surely, they were back in Judgment Hall awaiting the bone spearing through their body or the searing blaze of a blaster.

Gazing upwards, eyes wide with fear, they saw an outstretched hand and sockets lit with concern.

“Easy kid, stay with me.”

Blinking away the sudden distortion, it became clear they were not in the danger they thought they were. They were in a garden—Asgore’s garden it seemed, but uncharacteristically unkempt. Ferns clung to the stone walls and forked in different directions like spider legs, weeds provided for sun yellow flowers that blanketed the ground, and the grass had become increasingly overgrown to the point that it tickled their elbows and kissed their calves, though the singing birds were perhaps a bit ominous. Sans crouched before them, looking a bit more relaxed now that they had seemed to come to their senses.

“You back?”

They nodded, hugging their knees to their chest.

Sans sighed and sat himself down next to them. “Sorry about that. Just tryin’ to get out of there before that guy saw.”

It had been a while since Frisk had been pulled through one of Sans shortcuts. They remembered what it was like of course, back when the thing controlling them decided to play nice and make friends.

It seemed Sans was planning on staying with them. He didn’t have to, in fact if it were up to them, they would’ve had him head back and make sure whatever was happening with Alphys and that monster was okay, but he didn’t seem worried so they trusted him.

Frisk focused on their breathing, heart still pounding off their intense panic. They figured things were just going to be awkward and quiet between the two of them, so they didn’t pay much mind to making a show of calming down. 

It caught them off guard, however, when Sans said, “Look… I get you hate me kid, and that’s fine. I’m sure I’d feel the same if I were in your shoes, but you’ve gotta get it through your head that I’m not gonna hurt you anymore alright?” He wasn’t looking at them and instead stared off into the patchwork quilt of weeds and struggling grass. 

There was a coarseness in his tone that Frisk wasn’t used to, despite the soft meaning behind his words. Going off all they knew about Sans, they realized that he just didn’t want to see them suffering because of him. 

He visibly struggled with himself for a moment before saying, “We’re on the same side, ‘ya get it? So you don’t have to… forget it.”

Frisk swallowed, hugging their knees tighter, then murmured in a barely audible voice, “I don’t hate you, Sans. I never… and I know, you had every right to do what you did. I don’t blame you at all, and I know that things are different now. I just…” They trailed off, unable to finish the thought. 

They felt like crying.

Still, after lingering for a moment, he asked anyway like he didn’t already know the answer, “Are you afraid of me?”

They buried their face in their arms. Could they get away with lying? Probably not. They didn’t want to, anyway.

Instead, they whispered in a raspy, resigned tone, “…Yes.”

Frisk just couldn’t separate the agony and horror of dying over and over and over again from the perpetrator, even though the situation was different then. The association was drilled into their head a hundred times, growing stronger every loop until finally this was the result. Just being around Sans was enough to put them on edge, enough to rattle their anxiety like a caged animal that clawed desperately at their throat. The brutal truth was that they couldn’t stand his touch. They couldn’t hear his voice without wanting to flee the room. Actually, it was taking all their willpower not to break down then and there and make him feel worse.

It also wasn’t anything they could fix on their own and Sans’ kind reassurances weren’t enough to change that. 

Sans exhaled, leaning backwards, arms supporting his weight behind him. His expression seemed more contemplative rather than troubled, which was good. Frisk didn’t want to upset him.

He tilted his head upwards towards the faux sky, fully visible only from the garden. Now that Frisk thought about it, it had been a while since they’d seen the sky. 

“Nice day out,” 

They nodded. “I think the sky is prettier down here.”

“Yeah?” His expression turned studious, tracing over the imitation clouds and colors. “Why so?” 

“The thought behind it,” They said immediately. “On the surface all the colors come naturally, but down here monsters had to get creative. Whether it’s intentional or not, there’s colors and designs that aren’t on the surface. At least, that’s what I think happened.” They shrugged, feeling hot breath bounce against the inside of their arm as they exhaled. “It’s just… interesting and beautiful.”

“Huh,” Sans said, considering them. 

It was true. Even early as it was, different shades of blue ranging from pastel to cerulean to deep ocean waves had blended together in what passed for sky-blue. The clouds looked tangible and close, as if painted directly onto the canvas. Frisk wasn’t sure if Sans knew what the surface sky looked like to compare, however, but they had the feeling he understood.

“Sans?” They asked, gut lurching at the impulsive question.

“Yeah?”

His eyes were glued above, which might have been intentional. They felt better about talking to him when they weren’t making eye contact.

They placed their chin to their knees again, slowly processing their thoughts before murmuring, “…We have some rotten luck. There’s so many awful things that have happened to us, but... but I think this is good. That you’re good, and Alphys is good.” 

It sounded dumb, but they didn’t know of another way to word it. It felt like they should add something else, but instead they laid back in the grass, consumed by the overgrowth. Though the tips of blades lined the edges of their vision, they still gained a better view of the sky.

“Heh, yeah,” He nodded, glancing down at them. For some reason, he was much less intimidating then. “You’re good too kid.”

Sans fell asleep after not too long, which was pretty typical. Frisk stayed awake and awaited any sign from Alphys that it was okay to come back inside.

…

“Queen Alphys!” The excitable young monster chirped, then charged into the kitchen, skidding to a stop before her like a playful dog.

“Wh-what are you doing here?” She said before she could stop herself, taking an instinctive step backwards.

Immediately she regretted the phrasing upon seeing dejection flicker upon their expression.

“Well, I came to guard tryouts!” They said, shoving positivity back into their tone. “I’ve wanted to join the guard since I was a little kid, I couldn’t wait to show you what I can do.”

Cold fear gripped her stomach. She couldn’t have forgotten…?

“Wh…” Alphys fumbled around in her pocket for her phone and glanced at the date just to make sure she hadn’t mentally skipped a week (which was entirely possible), but sure enough she hadn’t. “B-but tryouts aren’t until next week? I’m s-sorry but I th-think you got the date wrong.”

The monster shook their head childishly, gaining back some of their excitement with a happy lash of their tail. “I know, I wanted to come early to show just how dedicated I am! I wanna be the first dude to try out and make the best impression!”

Clearly this monster was very young, and although lacking a striped shirt as an indicator of childhood, surely they must have only recently been recognized as mature.

Alphys ran a claw over her head, feeling some of the shock and panic slide off with the motion. “You c-can’t just barge in here and expect t-to be able to be seen a week early. It d-doesn’t work like that. I’m sorry.”

Their tail and ears drooped as anticipation visibly drained from their composure. “Oh.”

Ordinarily she might have caved to such a guilt-tripping act, but having been queen for as long as she, she’d finally gained the guts to wave them off, smiling kindly nonetheless. “You’re f-fine, come back next week. I’ll certainly remember you and I’m r-really looking forward to seeing what you can do.”

They brightened and nodded deeply in some odd mix of affirmation and a bow. “Thank you, Alphys! I mean Queen Alphys! Your majesty, or whatever! Sorry I came in without permission by the way… guess I got carried away, you know?”

Alphy shrugged, having decided that the longer they lingered the more energy they seemed to leech from her. Manners were a priority, but she also really wanted them out of her house.

“It happens. N-now g-go on home until then, okay?”

“Okay! See ‘ya!” They called, springing back out into the hall before wrapping their foot around the door knob skillfully, yanked it open, and disappeared outside.

Only when the door slammed shut did Alphys finally have the chance to breathe. With a claw to her chest, she leaned against the abandoned table, a tension in her expression. 

God, that was far closer a call than should ever have happened. It was all her fault of course, that door remained locked all the time for a very good reason. An even better one now that Frisk was there. Even imagining what could have happened had Sans not had the quick wits to grab Frisk and teleport was too much for her.

Alphys groaned and silently vowed to be more careful as she ventured out of the kitchen. Where exactly Sans took Frisk, she didn’t know, but most likely they had just relocated to a different part of the castle and she’d run into them eventually.

Eventually however, was a significant overstatement after throwing open a couple doors and checking the garden.

Sans was laying in the untrimmed grass, face obscured by the reaching blades. Frisk was sitting up, cupping their chin in their palm, eyes trained on Sans but turned to Alphys upon her entrance.

Disheveled and weary as they were, they smiled and waved cutely which was plenty enough to push the strange interaction of a few minutes ago from her mind.

“Hey,” Alphys said, wandering farther out into the garden to take a seat between them. It had been a while since she’d ventured out into the garden. The grass felt odd and itchy pushed against her feet and brushing against her legs. 

She sat down and scratched her shins, gaze resting on the ground, “I’m sorry about earlier. That… that was really close…”

That door should have been locked. It was always supposed to be locked. Having Frisk here felt like an accident waiting to happen, as sad as that was, and they all knew it.

Tentatively, Frisk placed their chilly fingers over hers and weakly squeezed. Alphys rubbed her thumb along the side of their hand in a wordless exchange of something. 

Birds were singing softly in the distance, as if her own tiredness had muffled their songs. It wasn’t a happy moment, but rather somewhat peaceful. Right then, they didn’t have to worry about anything even if the problems were still looming like shadows stretched across the earth at dusk. Right then, the air was crisp and filled their lungs almost painfully, but the image of endless papers, blueprints, unfinished sections of the defense mechanism that were branded into the inside of her eyelids were sifted away by the mesh of colors above their heads.

It would be different later, but not then.

No wonder procrastination ran so rampant within the minds of both monsters and humans. 

Alphys exhaled, entwining her fingers gently with the human’s and said with an amused grin, “Um…that monster that barged in earlier thought they could try out for the guard early. It was kinda weird… I had to explain as politely as I could that they have to show up on the date on the flyer.”

“Oh, wow,” Said another voice, thick with sleep. Sans stirred, having just awoken and moved a hand behind his head as a cushion, rolling over to face her. “Wouldn’t it be hilarious if they ruined our lives over something that trivial?”

Alphys grimaced. “They didn’t know. It was my fault for leaving the door unlocked.”

“But you shouldn’t have to. Since when isn’t it common knowledge you don’t break into peoples’ homes? Or castles.”

His phrasing was harsh and exaggerated, but Alphys didn’t want to argue. Instead, she wrapped her free hand around Sans’, laid down, and closed her heavy eyes. She never got used to the feeling of his fingers, the way the joints connected and the gaps between the skinless bones shifted as he clutched her claw. 

It was still early and the day was full of hours not yet spent, so she could afford to put down the stress for a while, right? To just sit here with the two of them?

Sleep overcame her before she could decide. Sans had already lapsed back into a doze.

Frisk continued to watch the changing horizon, an apprehension resting against their heart.


	14. bepis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOO okay heres another long one yall!! Sorry it took a little longer than I wanted it to and i didn't edit as thoroughly as i should have, been busy. So happy new years! Reminder that sadnerdsclub.tumblr.com is where im gonna let u know when updates are coming ahead of time

Frisk falling was a wake-up call. While they weren’t a threat this time, their entrance into the Underground served as a reminder that another child falling was not a possibility, it was a certainty. It was anyone’s guess when it would happen, but it would happen again with time. Frisk had caught them defenseless and had they wanted to kill like last time, Sans would be dead along with countless others and the Underground would be beyond repair. This was evident in the desolation still spread like a rampant disease healing ever so slowly and painfully. 

As queen of the Underground, it was Alphys’s responsibility to ensure they weren’t caught unprepared again. That was why since Frisk fell, she’d spent the vast majority of her free time in her workshop finishing the defense mechanism. 

Days slipped by without her notice. The circles beneath her eyes grew ever more shadowed. It always caught her off guard when Frisk came timidly knocking on her door to make sure she’d eaten and was getting enough sleep. Of course, she wasn’t, but finishing this project was vastly more important than her own well-being. She realized that now. The time when she had the leisure to spend hours, days wasted away grieving had passed, at least for now. Luxuries like a full night’s sleep and all three meals simply had to be pushed to the side in favor of protecting the Underground. 

Every now and then, the times when Sans was awake and she was out of her workshop would line up. He would always ask her how she was doing, imply she should take a break, and back down when she remained set on working.

“Just an idea, but maybe you wouldn’t have to be cooped up in that room all day if I helped you out,” He said one day, having woken up mid-afternoon to find her grabbing a cup-of-noodles, about to duck back into her workshop. “We could work together, just like old times, yeah?” 

“No, you should stick to the paperwork,” She said, mildly. “It’s… easier that way,” 

She didn’t want to say that the process of explaining everything to someone who was lethargic constantly would be more arduous than her doing everything herself. In the past when he could stay awake for more than five minutes he would have been much more capable, but not now that the effect of such low HP was taking its toll in that. Besides, it was dangerous. The risk of him getting hurt working on the robot half-asleep was too great, and if he got hurt… well, there wasn’t a lot of punishment a .6 maximum could receive, even if he just nicked his finger. 

She gave him a reassuring smile, and said “But I’m really fine, thank you. I mean, I’m making lots of progress, I just want to get this done as fast as possible.”

Sans looked less than reassured, but she knew he wouldn’t counter her. Instead he said, “Careful Alph. Don’t work yourself to death.”

“I promise I won’t,” She started out of the kitchen, calling as she left, “You get some rest, okay?”

“Don’t have to worry about that one,” He said through a stifled yawn. 

She might have found that funny some time ago, but given the grim circumstances she preferred not to stop and think about it. That was at least one thing the grueling work was good for. Keeping her mind off everything.

…

It was the morning of the tryouts. Alphys, Sans and Frisk were all gathered in the kitchen enjoying the toast and coffee Frisk had whipped up. 

“Sans, you’ve gotta stay home during the guard tryouts, okay?” Alphys said casually, raising her mug to her lips.

He looked at her over paper on recent CORE readings. “Why?” He asked, unruffled.

“You’ve got .6 HP, what if someone’s weapon broke and a shard hit you?” She said. 

It wasn’t a secret that Sans had as low an HP as he did, they could talk freely about this and most other things in front of Frisk. They just left out the detail of exactly when Sans’ HP had dropped.

He set the paper down and smoothed it out over the table, not looking up as he said, “Alph, it’s fine. I’ll nap beforehand, right? But again, this new .6 HP doesn’t really effect much that 1 HP didn’t already. I’ll be as careful as I was before and it’ll be fine.”

She considered him, then weighed that logic against the thought of him dying in an easily preventable way.

“No.”

“As strange as it is to say it, I’m an adult who can make my own decisions.”

She was sure he was a little annoyed at her for being so protective all of a sudden, but his tone was lighthearted and didn’t show it.

She smirked from behind her mug. “I’m q-queen and can decide who’s allowed to attend the tryouts—participants and judges. Or judge,” She said, pointing to herself.

He rolled his eyes. “Really mom?”

“Yeah,” She set her coffee down, lining it up with a ringed stain on the back of some paper. “Just hang out with Frisk, why should they have to be h-home alone?”

“Mm,” He mumbled idly, a flicker of something passing over his face, unreadable if it weren’t for the lights in his sockets that gave it away. That, and all her experience reading Sans.

She was beginning to wonder if she’d said something wrong when Frisk murmured quietly after swallowing a mouthful of toast, “Um, I really don’t mind either way. If there’s a reason to go, then you shouldn’t have to stay because of me.”

Alphys smiled at them and said, “That’s a nice offer, but Sans really should stay. It’s safer.” 

“Aren’t I technically ‘royal advisor’ or something?” Sans said, resting his chin in his palm. “It’s my royal duty to help you make big decisions like this.”

‘This’ being deciding who would get what position and ultimately choosing a head of the guard.

“I think it was ‘royal assistant’.” Alphys said, screwing up her face in concentration. She of course never thought of him by his title just as he never thought of her as queen, but it was weird to think he technically worked for her and wasn’t just her roomie.

Sans waved a hand in disregard, “Assist, advise. Same thing.”

“It really isn’t,” She said, thinking to herself that you couldn’t advise a fallen monster to get back up or a pile of paperwork to do itself, but you could assist in both of those things.

Sans sighed and picked up the CORE report again, seemingly decided he didn’t have the energy to comprehend it this early, and set it back down before replying, “Hey, if you really want me to stay, that’s okay. But I think having a second opinion of who you choose and whatnot might be helpful.” He paused, then added as an afterthought “Not to mention that I haven’t made an appearance for a while, I’m wonderin’ if we should let people know I’m not dead yet.” 

It was a joke, but too close to his situation to be funny.

Alphys turned to Frisk. “You’re alright with being home alone?”

They smiled and gave her a thumbs up.

She returned the grin, then said to Sans, “Then I guess it’s okay. I’m going to send you back if I feel like it’s too risky, though.”

“’Course.”

…

The tryouts were held in the old training grounds constructed under Asgore where he had let the guards develop their skills so long ago. Alphys wasn’t there to see it, but she had memories of sitting with Undyne in in patches of damp, illuminating echo flowers where she had told her stories about mock battling Asgore himself there, so she had always imagined it with a little more grandeur than it had.

In the midst of a cleared out area, confined within a circular wooden fence was an arena decorated with an array of old dummies slashed up from magic and staked to the ground with splintering wood. Alphys felt fairly confident she could knock one over, and she didn’t even use magic.

“Yeesh,” Sans said as they arrived upon the scene. “In hindsight we mighta’ brought a glue stick. In case one of those swords snaps off the handle.” He pointed over to a pile of weapons which were also looking a little worse for wear.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” She said, sounding more blasé than she felt. 

There were a few monsters that had arrived early and were idly chatting or testing out the provided weapons as she and Sans arrived, most noticeably the yellow guy from earlier. 

Sans saw them too, looking aloof. “Nice to see a friendly face,” He said, a little agitatedly. Apparently he’d still not forgiven them for nearly outing Frisk to the Underground, which was understandable, but it would be nice if he’d cut the kid some slack.

She papped his shoulder with the back of her claw and said, “Oh, you don’t have to be so hard on them, they just wanted to show they could do a good job.” 

It was a little unceremonious, but she’d brought a picnic blanket and spread it out across the grass for she and Sans to watch and judge. It wouldn’t have been much better with lawn chairs had they even owned any, so the dirt worked as a fine throne. She thought it reminiscent of who she was as a person. Dirt queen.

Sans brought a pillow as well to accommodate his needs, but Alphys would have to watch the tryouts in their entirety, no time for laying down. 

The early-birds one by one began to notice their entrance and waved hello. Smile tugging at her mouth, she waved back as the duo sat down and waited for the clock to hit the time printed on the flyer. Once it did, Alphys tapped Sans, who was sprawled out and half-asleep already.

“Hunh?” He said, the lights of his sockets glazed over. “Is it time already?”

“Y-yeah,” She said, then hesitated. She was going to ask Sans if he would be willing to announce they were starting and figure out the order of tryouts, but he looked too tired to be bothered. Not to mention he’d probably lack a certain coherency weighed down by sleep.

But before she could say anything else, he drew himself up with a grunt and cupped his hands over his mouth.

“Hey!” He threw a hand in the air and flagged down the attention of the participants. “We’re starting, who’s goin’ first?”

Immediately several eager hands shot up, but only their breaking-and-entering friend threw themselves forward shouting “Me! Oh, me! Please pick me!” 

It wasn’t all that unexpected, but upon seeing them dance around like the ground was lava, she and Sans wordlessly agreed to mull over the decision solely to amuse themselves a few moments before Alphys, to the surprise of no one, chose them.

“Yes!” They screamed, bounding over the wooden post like a rabbit and circled the arena, tail lashing behind them excitedly.

“Th-there’s no real rules, just sh-show off your skills!” Alphys called as an afterthought, though yellow had already picked up a hefty spear between their teeth and was sizing up the practice dummies. 

They lowered themselves into a crouch like a cat about to pounce and flashed her a look of pure determination. The next instant their claws were pounding the ground as they charged forward landing a solid hit across the dummy.

To be fair, it was an impressive strike. The tough fabric frayed on impact and the stand wobbled with the force of it. They threw Alphys an expectant look, glowing with pride, so she applauded and motioned for them to continue. It only occurred to her later that this might have been all they initially had in store.

They backpedaled, barreled forward again and landed the same hit, a little less precisely. Spitting out their weapon, they doubled back to the very edge of the arena with a huff of frustration before rushing the dummy, leaping last second in a drop kick. The dummy absorbed the impact, bending backwards and flung them forward as it righted itself. They landed ungracefully in the dust, scrambling back to their feet to try again. This went on for a few minutes in which yellow alternated between the spear and bare feet before Alphys said it was fine for them to stop.

“A-awesome job!” Alphys said, clapping while Sans shot them a thumbs up. Thoroughly winded, they walked away, head bowed in apparent shame. Alphys felt bad but she wasn’t sure what they expected. Besides, their performance was decent so she wasn’t sure what they were upset about. Maybe tripping twice on their own spear or hitting the dust so often it now coated their yellow scales.

Once they’d scrabbled over the fence, Sans turned to the remaining participants and beckoned them onwards. “Aight, who’s up next?” 

One by one, the remaining monsters demonstrated their skills. A fair few were dogs, probably relatives of the previous dogs in the guard. Watching them left a hollow feeling in her stomach. They lacked the refined skill of their dead predecessors, but were very talented nonetheless. A keen readiness to serve and protect must run in their blood.

The dummies had been through the mill by the end of it, shedding ribbons of cotton from their tattered gashes that littered the ground ripped with furrows from claws and blades. Still, none of them collapsed. A total of three weapons broke badly enough to render them unusable out of the entire assortment, so it was of no concern. 

All that was left to do was talk things over with Sans and decide on everyone’s position, then call each individual participant and let them know what that decision was. Only the two of them knew that everyone was going to get a place in the guard or as a sentry since there were only about a dozen participants. But more importantly, the second Alphys finished the defense mechanism, the guard’s main purpose would be pretty obsolete. Keeping the Underground safe from major threats (namely humans) would be up to the soulless robot. They could still use the help with general reports on different areas of the Underground and keeping peace with minor direst among monsters, but that was about it. This meant that they could let almost anyone fill a position without consequence. Maybe not head of the guard, but a simple sentry would be fine. Head of the guard was another matter.

“What do you think?” She asked Sans as the others began to disperse. They were the only two left, still laid out on the picnic blanket, shuffling through resumes. “Anyone you think should lead?” 

Sans groaned, tossing his arms out to either side of him. “It’s too difficult to really say right now. How about we wait? Make ‘em all guards or sentries or whatever, then see who stands out.”

She nodded. “Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.”

It wasn’t her usual style and would certainly put pressure on the new-hires, but it allowed her to procrastinate a little on being decisive. This was a luxury she rarely could afford, so it felt nice to finally exercise it. Just like old times. Besides, this was the only way for them to accurately figure out what every candidate was like on the job, and thus the only way to choose the best possible head of the guard.

…

Testing it was vital. There was no way she would allow it to more or less replace the guard without being certain it did everything she wanted it to, but after watching the defense mechanism’s dead eyes suddenly flood with a glow of life, after watching it straighten it’s back and seamlessly move its well-oiled arms on her command and put its full weight onto its powerful, shock absorbent legs, she couldn’t help but get a little excited.

“Okay…” She murmured, tapping her fingers together anxiously.   
“Now I want you to… to turn on the canon, but don’t fire it.”

It raised the massive tunnel hand to a perfect right angle as it whirred to life. The spiraling inside of the canon suddenly illuminating like a flashlight was stuck in the very back, gathering energy.

Her heart leapt and she quickly added, “N-no, don’t charge the canon, diffuse that energy.”

The canon seemed to sigh with a release of power, a special safety feature she hadn’t had the chance to add to Mettaton. With him, if he charged his arm canon he had better have aimed well because it was all or nothing, much like a neuron. Because his second form was designed in haste, she hadn’t had the leisure to make something as flawless as this…

“Perfect!” She said, a flicker of pride beginning to surface. “Now turn it off and walk around.” 

She observed the ball jointed limbs rotating into place and the curvature of the spine as it bent over and picked up random objects scattered around the room on her orders, searching for any sign of malfunction, but there was none. It was perfect. 

Running a hand along the sleek black metal, she gazed up at its lifeless face. It seemed to be doing a thousand-yard stare at her wall. This wasn’t unexpected, but it was a stark contrast to Mettaton, who had such a vibrant soul and wanted the whole world to know it. 

This, she built to be a soldier, not an object of emotion or attachment. It was to follow orders to the letter and do nothing else. It was not to take initiative, it was not to use common sense, it was created to obey. 

She withdrew, beckoning the robot and told it to follow.

It fell in step behind her, eerily quiet as they passed through the house. It was somewhere in the middle of the night so she expected both Sans and Frisk to be asleep, and they were. She brought the robot into the garden having evaded notice. 

Luckily, the castle’s doorways were much bigger than a normal monster’s to accommodate for Asgore’s size, so her 8-foot creation fit just fine without so much as grazing the frame.

“Activate practice mode,” She said, sizing up the area she had to work with. There was nothing that could be destroyed save for Asgore’s throne. Once so regal, it was now barely visible through the thick tangle of vines having curled around the legs and weaved through every crevice, topped with lemon-yellow flowers kissing the weeds and faded purple velvet. It seemed the plants were bent on eating it alive. Something told her he would have wanted it that way.

The robot had not strayed from her side, but the deep blue glow in its eyes shifted to a yellow not unlike the sea of flowers surrounding them, indicating the mode had changed. Good.

She smiled and took a step back. “Okay, show me what you can do.”

Fists raised, it strode forward like a fearless beast and threw a few perfectly weighted punches before leaning backwards and swung a high kick. This was where the robot differed from Mettaton. Its weaponless techniques were modeled after what she had observed from Undyne without her spear.   
It was also on autopilot, and while Alphys ordering specific techniques or any command at all would override it, it would otherwise act on its own. The robot was designed to remember what it had observed from the enemy, including height, weight, and speed, and would alter its moves to accommodate. That was perhaps the best part; the robot learned as the fight went on. While a living monster would do the same thing, a robot would do it more accurately. It would take everything into account and figure out the best possible technique for each specific enemy. Every move was quickly and precisely calculated with a dangerous arsenal of power at its disposal. 

It was perhaps the deadliest weapon the Underground had ever seen.

That was why when she noticed the weakest monster in the Underground watching casually through the sliding glass door, it occurred to her that a sheet of glass was not going to do much if the robot malfunctioned.

“Shut down!” She called hurriedly, and so the sunlight in its eyes extinguished as it slowly fell to the floor in a sitting position, folded over its knees pulled up to its chest.

The door slid open and Sans stepped outside, eyeing first the sleeping robot and then her.

“Sans, this isn’t your fault, but please be more careful about what you’re around,” She said. “My robot is still beta testing. If it messed up and hit you…”

“To be fair, I think I’d die even if my HP was normal, but you’re right,” He said, taking a seat on the marble steps next to her. “But that was really somethin’ to see, Alph. I woke up on the couch and looked up to see this massive figure wallkin’ through the kitchen and I thought I was seeing things. But nope,” He grinned, leaning back on his hands. “Just your absolutely groundbreaking bot stretching its legs and getting a midnight snack I guess. You said it’s voice controlled?”

She couldn’t help but mirror his smile. After what must have amounted to hundreds of hours of grueling work that pushed her skills to their limits, it felt amazing to finally show her creation the light of day. Even better to have someone else to share it with.

“Yeah, it’s programmed to automatically respond to th-thousands of phrases and understand them in different contexts. Only my voice though,” She said.

“Seriously incredible. Does it have a name?”

She shrugged. “There’s an option to give it one, and I’ll have to soon. It makes the voice control easier since otherwise it wouldn’t be able to efficiently differentiate between if I was talking to you, or it.” 

Alphys was never really one for naming things. Mettaton came up with his own and she tended to name her coding variables after people. Specifically, Undyne. And Mew Mew characters. But something as public and serious as the defense mechanism deserved a more appropriate name she just hadn’t had the time to come up with yet. 

“How about ‘bepis’?”

She blinked, then turned to him. “What?”

“Bepis.”

She snickered. “You know I’d have to announce that this super cool robot designed to keep the whole Underground safe from any possible threat of the future is called ‘bepis’.”

Sans was unconcerned and had a ready solution, “We could make it an acronym.”

Thus, the Bionic Expendable Protector in Important Situations was born, aka B.E.P.I.S.

It took about a half hour to figure that out, and once Alphys had turned on BEPIS just long enough to let it know it’s new name, she and Sans spend the remainder of the hour talking through BEPIS’s functionality. 

There was so much to discuss, so much she’d been dying to share on top of what she already had, but Sans could only keep himself awake for that thirty minutes before the lights of his eyes grew dim with mounting exhaustion.

“You should go to bed,” She said when she noticed this, not wanting him to fall asleep mid-conversation. 

“Yeah, agreed,” He said through a well-timed yawn, pushing himself to his feet. “But BEPIS has honestly pushed the boundaries of feats of engineering. Once you’re ready to show it, it’s gonna blow everyone away.”

“Oh, thank you…” She said, grinning again. It felt good to be praise. “At least I hope it will.”

“It will. Sweet dreams, Alph.” He waved before disappearing back inside, leaving Alphys alone with BEPIS.

She supposed she should take the opportunity to test it more, but seeing Sans worn out so easily had gotten to her. It was just a part of life now, but nonetheless ominously predictive of what was to come. He was dwindling and that killed her, or would if she ever stopped to think about it. Now that the robot was done and no longer something to keep her preoccupied, she might just stop long enough to think about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear I’m gonna seriously regret naming that stupid robot bepis in the long run and not something more appropriately serious but for right now im having so much fun. Like earlier in this fic I left pieces of symbolism here and there like those violet tulips and tried to put a lot of unsaid meaning and foreshadowing into seemingly trivial things whenever given the opportunity, and now im just, BEpis


	15. if you’re awful at coming up with names for background characters but cant get away with just pretending they don’t have one clap your hands *clap clap*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heya! I’ve said before I have absolutely ever intention of finishing this, and I stand by that statement but I wanna say a few things <33 1. we are getting CLOSEISH I’m not gonna say how many chapters left or anything specific, but the end is on the horizon, loves! 2. I’m really tired and have taken month breaks inbetween chapters on a couple of occasions and my motivation is low, and unfortunately that means I haven’t been focusing on this story and feeling for the characters and plot which means im afraid the quality of my writing is going to take a hit even as I give yall my absolute best, 3.in addition to what I said in 2, I feel like too much is happening and going unsaid inbetween chapters than what I would normally do and that’s especially prevalent in this one :,) so sorry if the drop in quality is noticeable

“I think our yellow friend is a shoe-in,” Sans said, poking over a bowl of creamy oatmeal evenly seasoned with cinnamon and curls of apple shavings. It was well past noon, but Frisk was still happy to fix him up something. Sweet kid. “No doubt about it, it’d be a crime against monster-kind not to have them lead an army. Pass the sugar?”

“Ugh, Sans, you really have to let this go,” Alphys said, rolling her eyes and slid the bag of brown sugar across the oversized table. He held out a hand to stop it, but it ran out of momentum about halfway. If he had his normal 1HP, he’d have been tempted to use his magic to levitate it within his grasp, but alas, he did not. “Ah, sorry,” Alphys added as he hoisted himself onto the table like a beached seal and triumphantly grabbed up the sugar.

“It’s good. That was probably the most exercise I’ve gotten in… hm.”  
How long had they been living at the castle? Oh, wait, well, killing Frisk was the honest answer he supposed, but that wasn’t funny. Usually when he was honest he was funny. God, he was still so tired.

She watched him upturn the bag that dispelled a mound of golden sand until it poked over the rim of his bowl, then continued, unfazed, “I’ll admit, breaking and entering was kinda crazy and could’ve t-turned our r-really badly, but they’re like... a little kid. O-or at least they act like it.”

“Since when did you legalize kids breaking and entering?” He paused, mulling for a moment before pointing his spoon at her thoughtfully, “Oh hey, is that why the classic image of a burglar has them wearing stripes?” 

The time to choose a new head of the guard was drawing near and would coincide Alphys’s announcement of BEPIS to the public. They had cleared the table of its increasingly thinning pile of work and replaced it with resumes to reference. There were only a few windows of opportunity in which Sans was awake and alert enough to discuss who to choose in the days preceding when she had planned her monthly address, and as apologetic as he felt, there wasn’t much he or anyone could do about it. He was glad she was still willing to talk it over with him though. Surely, she could figure out who to choose just fine on her own, but it made him feel less useless to be consulted anyway. Maybe she was just humoring him, but she did a good job of it. 

Alphys let out a huff, leaning her cheek into her palm and said, “Whatever. Seriously, we need to figure out who’s going to lead,” She sifted through the stack she’d set aside for potential Captains which had ruled out the ones she’d chosen to be sentries and guards. “What about Myron Daring? He did p-pretty good, didn’t he? Or were you asleep?”

“No I remember him. He only looked cool because he broke our practice dummy, but the guys before him weakened it,” Sans said. 

“He didn’t just break the dummy, he seemed w-well versed in h-hand to hand combat. He was so graceful it was like he was dancing,” She said, but thumbed through the resumes behind his.

“True. But on his resume it says he prefers to work alone. If ‘teamwork’ isn’t in his vocabulary I don’t know if he should lead.”

She nodded and sifted another paper to the front of her stack, murmuring, “Hmm… Beyon Phazard?

“Oh, I think I was asleep for them. Who’s that?”

Alphys’s eyes skimmed the page as she said, “In her resume she says she was related to one of the guards that patrolled Hot Land and he taught her how to fight. After his… oh, after his death, she wanted nothing more than to honor him and has been training ever sense with a couple of the other candidates. I remember that from a few of the other resumes,” She shuffled through the papers in search of her friends, but gave up and set the pile down, smoothing the top paper. “Well, that checks off teamwork. She fought very well. She reminded me of Undyne.” 

The was an odd silence after her words. Rarely had Undyne been mentioned in regular conversation before, and it felt strange. Maybe it was healing. Beyon’s resemblance was not just in technique.

Sans wasn’t sure if she’d mentioned her by accident or if he should cover for her, but before he could decide, Alphys said, “I think she’s the one.”

“I think so too,” He said, immediately. “Go with your gut.”

Even if they were biased, Beyon was more than qualified. They had every reason to believe she would excel at her job.

…

Judgement Hall was empty save for the trio. Sans stood at Alphys’s side, before them, Beyon kneeled. Locks of wavy violet hair spilled over the sides of her bowed face, charcoal trench coat sweeping the tile around her.

In one hand that once might have trembled, Alphys held a steady sword, the other, it’s sheath. 

She looked to Sans, who flashed her a thumbs up. The script Asgore recited upon dubbing Undyne was long lost along with him and Alphys only knew of the dubbing ceremony, so her words were her own. They weren’t much, but they were the truth.

“Beyon Phazard,” She said raising the sword. “For your skills in combat, your l-leadership, your strength in th-the face of h-hardship, and above all, your determination, I d-dub thee,” She lightly tapped the blade upon each shoulder. “Captain of the Royal Guard.”

Beyon slowly raised her head, hair falling back to her shoulders. Tears pricked at her eyes and had formed droplets on the golden floor. A wide smile was cut across her face.

“Thank you,” She whispered as Alphys withdrew the sword and sheathed it.

“You earned it, kid,” Sans said with a wink and Alphys nodded in agreement, beginning to beam herself.

She was not Undyne. She was _not_ Undyne. But oh, was she reminiscent of everything that made her the best Captain of the Royal Guard the Underground had ever seen. 

Cautiously, as if uncertain of herself, Beyon reached for Alphys’s free hand and brought it to her lips in a kiss. “I won’t let you down, my queen.”

…

Announcing BEPIS and Beyon’s new position to the public went about as well as she could hope. Even after giving as many monthly addresses as she had, her public speaking skills were still subpar. All the practice in the world could never combat the telltale quickening of her heart and subtle trembling in her claws. Anxiety wasn’t something even a queen could shake.

Sans’ encouragements had been a much needed emotional crutch earlier on, but as endless months of grief hardened her resolve and Sans was now incapacitated with exhaustion more often than not, she could take on a crowd by herself. While news that the position of Captain of the Royal Guard was filled was certainly exciting, the defense mechanism’s completion rocked the Underground with cheers and applause that rattled the castle itself. All they had been hearing regarding its progress was something along the lines of, “th-the project is w-well underway and will be d-done soon”. Alphys could only guess how frustrated they felt at her apparent incompetency, but she was certain no one was more relieved that it was done than she.

Hundreds—maybe thousands of hours dedicated to isolated, silent, immersed work. Her focus would remain unbroken so time was irrelevant and the only reality was miniscule maze-like circuits, oceans of blueprints, sleek customized metals, and novels of code. By far the most taxing of all was facing the haggard look upon Sans face that had nothing to do with his own grievances, and pushing Frisk away time and time again as they came timidly to her door out of the purest concern. She hated herself for hurting them, but the kingdom had to come first. So long ago when the person she used to be was murdered along with almost everyone she loved, the needs of the Underground were the only force that brought her back to life. The fact was, she’d be dead if she didn’t have to live _for them_. And what a hollow life it would have been without Sans to fill the void and keep her grounded.

It felt good to be able to spend a bit more time with him now that the robot was not sucking up all her efforts. Frisk as well, being the little beacon of light in their miserable world. Even if this time was spent on opposite sides of Asgore’s table with that classic stack of papers between them and Sans being asleep half the time, it was still more than they’d had before.

With three people working on the pile of papers and a new head of the guard taking care of some of it, stress was melting and replaced by more movie time and well-deserved midday naps, often consecutively. Frisk was always cooking up a storm it seemed like, so _actual meals_ were gifted thrice a day. Things were looking up. Things were feeling close to okay.

Alphys was laid out, legs kicked up over Sans, who was reclined and snoring softly on the other and of the couch. Frisk was cozily sandwiched between them as they watched an anime about witches and sword fighting. Alphys had seen it probably a dozen times, but that didn’t make watching it with her friends any less enjoyable. 

Earlier when Sans was conscious, he’d taken to cracking jokes and yelling out logical fallacies that left Alphys and Frisk snorting with laughter. Since he’d fallen asleep. Alphys and Frisk rested in comfortable silence, enjoying the show for what it was.

Still, sleep was beginning to weigh on her eyelids. As she glanced over at Frisk, who seemed wide awake, she had to wonder if they ever slept. Perhaps humans didn’t need to as much as monsters. The thought was intriguing, and she’d have to ask them about it in the morning.

“Frisk?” She asked. They met her eyes with a polite little smile. “Do you mind if I fall asleep?”

They shook their head. 

Alphys sighed and leaned her head against the arm rest. She was out like a light within moments, only to surface from the depths of sleep after what felt like only a handful of hours to the Mew Mew Kissy Cutie theme ringing out incessantly.

Faint light was seeping in through the blinds, the beams illuminating the particles of dust floating around them.

There was a weight against her shoulder that lifted with a confused murmur, and then looked to see Frisk had fallen asleep on her. Their hair was unkempt and confusion masked their expression. Over their shoulder Sans was stirring.

Furrowing her brows, she fumbled in her hoodie pocket for her phone and found Beyon to be the caller. She had only been Captain for a few weeks, a month maybe, but in that time Alphys hadn’t received any calls except to inform her all was well. Beyon tended to take care of things herself and not bother involving Alphys, which was good, and Alphys was certain all she wanted was to run a quick update by her until she saw the hour.

5:00am. 

Beyon would never risk calling Alphys at an inconvenient time unless it was something that couldn’t wait.

Bleariness suddenly wiped away, Alphys sat up, claw beginning to shake. The call ended and a missed call notification claimed the screen, only to disappear as Beyon called again.

Mouth dry as bone, a sickness twisting in her stomach, she mashed the answer button and tentatively pressed the receiver to her ear. Alphys could form no words. It was all she could do to listen as her focus blurred in and out.

“My queen,” Beyon’s voice began, edged with desperation. “A human has been spotted in Snowdin.”


	16. boy it sure is lucky u finished that thing only weeks before another human fell, I should change my username to not-technically-a-plot-hole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Then somebody moves  
> And everything you thought you had has gone to shit.”
> 
> *whispers* happy 1 year anniversary on may 1st!! also BAM http://determinedtopun-archived.tumblr.com/post/158604654206/the-queens-advisors-do-some-paperwork-and-bond   
> this amazing artist has done TWO breathtaking pieces of art for this fic!! Please commission them!! They’re so talented and kind <33 honestly I was blow away by both pieces I just started screaming ;U;

Alphys closed her eyes, swallowing hard. She willed herself to remain calm. Though her claws still trembled, she was not the same person she was when Frisk had fallen all that time before. Not the first time, not the second. She was not the same person as yesterday, and certainly wouldn’t be tomorrow. Just as the sun would rise upon the surface in an infinite loop, Alphys felt herself growing older each day, as if her experience as queen was creasing her face and carving itself into the circles beneath her eyes. 

Beyon’s words were years, far too many for Alphys to even pretend she felt the way she once did. The excitement she feigned years ago at the thought of a human entering the Underground was so distant, it might as well have never been hers. Her horror as well upon receiving a phone call in that café with Sans was foreign. Through a wave of anxiety that once would have brought her to her knees, she felt strangely reserved and pensive. Fear gripped her and numbed the tips of her fingers, but she could still think logically about what to do and act calm while doing it. How a queen should be.

“Do not fight it,” She demanded into the receiver, leaning forward with emphasis. “E-evacuate and p-push forward to the C-Capital. I’ll be d-deploying the defense mechanism.”

“Yes, my queen. How will it get to the human, your highness?”

Abandoning Sans and Frisk on the couch, she rushed across the kitchen as she spoke, claws clacking against the tile. “It h-has its own navigational system. I’ll keep an eye on it from the castle and g-guide it r-remotely. Keep g-guard at the Capital once e-everyone’s th-there.”

“Understood.”

“Is anyone h-hurt?”

“No, your highness.”

“K-keep it that way, Beyon. The d-defense mechanism will t-take care of the human, b-but everyone must be out of the way,” She said bursting through the door of her lab and rounded on the robot sitting limply on the table, back resting against the wall. 

“It will be so, my queen.”

“Go,” Alphys said, ending the call and stuffed her phone in her pocket. Now was not the time to bother with manners and she was certain Beyon felt the same. 

She focused on the lifeless, towering figure before her and said in a clear voice, “B.E.P.I.S, turn on.” 

Instantly ocean blue lights filled the eyes of the robot and its head lifted, back straight as an arrow. 

“Head towards Snowdin. Th-there’s a human coming this way,” She paused, a sickening unease gripping her stomach as images of Frisk’s innocent face flashed before her eyes. Their mauled body strewn across the golden floor of Judgement Hall still burned in her brain. She would give anything, anything to make another way, to believe in innocence once again like Asgore had. To trust humanity. To hope for mercy and peace.

But Undyne’s dust was long gone, carried away by the Waterfall breeze and tossed across her home like pollen. Papyrus had dared to believe, lost it all, and cracked his brother in half. Mettaton, after all Alphys’s last minute, hashed together preparations, had fallen after a single hit. Asgore too, so feared, so noble, the rock of the Underground left them crumbled without a leader. The massacre had wounded the Underground so deeply, it was all Alphys could do to stop the bleeding. The ache was still felt like a sickness claiming the air, though less prominent than before, the ghost of what was lost still howled and rattled its chains. The Underground would not survive being dragged through hell again.

And so it had to be done. There was no other way. Not anymore.

Balling her hands into fists, she chanced a glance at the open doorway before returning her gaze to the robot, then commanded, “Kill it.”

Springing to its feet, the 8-foot beast sprinted from the room. She watched it go until it turned from her sight, but she could still hear the weight of it slamming into the ground. 

Which is why her blood turned cold when it halted so suddenly.

Alphys was running before she heard the terrified shriek ring out, shattering the early morning quiet. She was shouting “Stop! Shut down!” Long before Frisk came into their vision at the mouth of the hall, having hit the floor to dodge a raised fist frozen in mid-air.

Though the tell-tale whir of life had sighed to silence and the light of the robot’s eyes had extinguished, Frisk’s face was still wrought with terror. They eyed Alphys tearfully, pale as death, betrayal etched into their expression.

The feeling of knowing what she was doing, the mock calm, the illusion of being somewhat queenly shed like dead skin.

“I-I’m s-s-sorry,” She whispered, clapping her hands to her mouth, body quavering. “It… it w-was an accident, I…” She tore her gaze from Frisk to the robot, to Sans rushing to the scene.

He took one look at the situation and asked, a tad breathless from the exertion, “Human?”

Alphys gnawed her lip, nodding quickly. 

A crease formed between Frisk’s brows, tears rolling down their cheeks. Their breathing audibly began to shudder. 

Sans met Alphys with a sympathetic look, then tsked and sunk down next to Frisk. He placed an arm around them and said “C’mon kid, don’t look at us like that. You know the position she’s in. And if it wasn’t us, well… the human would meet the same fate some other way. And they might just take a few lives with them, ‘cause not everyone’s got your… moral code, Frisk.” 

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck as they pulled the collar of their shirt to their eyes, shoulders hitching. “It might not seem like it, but this is the easiest way.”

They peeked out at Sans from behind their shirt, then at Alphys. Then, they quietly got to their feet and strode down the hall into their room, shutting the door behind them. It was quiet for a solid moment before their muffled sobs resounded.

Desperately Alphys wanted to comfort them, to go back to the night before when they’d curled up next to her in front of the television. But what could she possibly say? What else was there but the inevitable? What could not be kept waiting.

She dropped her hands, sliding one against the sleek exterior of the robot. 

“Turn on.”

From behind it, she could see a dim glow emanate from its face like a halo.

Alphys tossed Sans a look, tears coalescing at her chin and dripping onto her hoodie.

Sans wouldn’t look at her. He eyed the face of the robot, hands shoved deep into his pockets. “You know what I said’s true, Alph. If it’s not us, then it’s gonna be the guard or some other monster. If you don’t do this, then you’re screwing over the Underground. And we can’t have that.”

A pained exhale escaped her lips. 

It had all seemed so fine before Frisk had reminded her of what a human could be. Before she was forced to think about it.

She could not bear to linger over her actions before her own hollow voice seemed to speak for itself, “Find the human on the way to Snowdin. Not in the castle. Find it and kill it.”

Once more it bounded off like a charging soldier, thudding against the ground. The slam of the front door returned the near silence, overlaid with crying down the hall.

…

He resorted to sticking his numb hands in his armpits, wishing beyond anything that he’d brought a jacket. 

The cave with the pit into the Underground was warm and sticky with humidity, a place he’d be happy with less clothing, not more. He didn’t expect much difference after he fell, certainly not this. He had no way of knowing a net of dying yellow flowers was there to catch him.

The place he’d landed after plummeting into the Underground was eerily desolate for somewhere with so many signs of life.

There were chalk yellow arrows on the purple walls that had faded with time. There was a chilly little home with a kitchen, dozens of books, a huge plush chair well broken into, and an unlit fireplace strangely with logs untouched by flames. Perhaps most eerily were the child bedrooms with stashes of toys and crayon drawings once taped to the wall, now fallen after ages to lose their grip. 

It seemed a family once lived there. He wondered with a twist in his stomach and a tingle in his spine, what had happened to them.

After wandering through gaping halls with only piles of dust to keep him company, he’d stumbled into a blizzard.

Once again, he was alone. An entire town was sitting there devoid of life, though for not nearly as long as the other place. There was no dust, the buildings bore warmth, and fresh foot prints littered the snow.

There was a shop he searched for clothing, vowing to leave money should he return, but to no avail. He wandered into a bar, though blissfully warm, he found nothing to take with him. 

He followed them searching for any signs that he wasn’t completely and utterly alone, only to find nothing. He fought the urge to cry, knowing that icy wind would not bode well with wet cheeks already whipped raw. 

When he found the ocean of perfect snow cut off into a dark blue ground, he ventured only a few hundred feet before turning back.

The atmosphere was much like the cave upon the surface and a welcome change to the unforgiving snow, but fear of the unknown locked his feet into place. 

He’d been in this strange new world for hours. Exhaustion threatened to overcome him, and he wanted nothing more than to collapse somewhere safe and cry himself to sleep. If there were dangers facing him beyond, then he could not face them in this state.

His footprints arced as he doubled back, deciding the bar would be a nice place to rest. The booths could be his bed. The heat would ease the feeling back into his body. Perhaps there was even food.

Thud, thud, thud, thud.

He whirled around. The distant beat was coming closer. Though the snow masked his vision, he strained to see in the direction of the noise.

Thud! Thud! Thud! Thud!

It was rapidly approaching. It was big. What was it? 

The thought suddenly stuck him like a bat over his head that hiding might be a good idea. He glanced wildly around for somewhere to conceal himself, trudging left, then circling back right, only to realize he was completely out in the open.

THUD! THUD!

Through the glaze of ice, he could see a figure now. It was as if the cold around him had gripped his lungs and the bones in his legs, but his heart was punching his chest.

Before him stood the silhouette of a human-esc creature, taller than anyone he’d ever known, one arm ending in a huge, cylindrical shape. He could just make out two eyes illuminated blue piercing through the storm like two stars in the daytime.

Trembling in a way that had nothing to do with the cold, he stumbled backwards, breathing quick as a rabbit.

The cylinder raised and a swirling blue like the eyes before him collected in the barrel. 

…

Beyon bowed deeply, one knee to the floor. In one hand she presented a to Alphys a pastel pink heart. It glowed like Napstablook when they were happy or excited. 

When she took it, she could feel the life writhing beneath the smooth exterior like cool marble. It wasn’t the first time she’d held a human soul, but this was the first time she’d felt so solemn about it. As if the child’s blood was splashed across such a treasure. Beside her, Sans gave her arm a subtle squeeze.

“Thank y-you. All of you,” She said, eyeing the guard surrounding. They had formed an arc behind Beyon, all standing at attention while she presented their queen the human soul.

Gracing them a smile that looked more like a grimace, she said, “You all acted b-bravely in the face of s-such dangers. It’s th-thanks to all of you that the Underground is safe.”

“Of course, my queen,” Beyon said, still facing the ground. “It is our honor.”

Alphys caught Sans’s eye. The grey specks of life finding home within his sockets were glazed, indicating the weariness plaguing them. She turned back to the guard.

“D-dismissed.”


End file.
